Smoking and Anxiety.

Well as you may know I have severe anxiety and I'm bipolar. I've been having a very hard time since April, I was doing wonderful up until last wednesday. I've been waking up so sad and angry, I have no motivation whatsoever. Lately I've been in physical pain for no apparent reason. I feel like nothing. I feel like a huge walking bruise.

Well today I forced myself to get ready and get in the car and I got to school around 2 like I'm supposed to. I didn't go in though, I waited outside in the car with my grandma. About 20 minutes later my ex walks out and looks right at me and we were both looking at each other and I just fell apart. I just crumbled to pieces and started crying and screaming. I have no clue why, I absolutely hate him. I don't even remember what i was thinking after I saw him. I don't remember anything until I went upstairs and grabbed my secret pack of cigarettes and started smoking. I hadn't opened it until today but still, I shouldn't have had it in my room. I shouldn't have given myself the opportunity to smoke.

How can I get over all of this? Why am i falling backwards? Someone please help.