my son likes to holler really loud at other kids if they do something he dont like or hit them. he is about to be 5 and he doesnt like staying the night aways from me or his daddy. can you please tell me what to do he doesnt think that he has to be nice to his brother. he is all about the military and documentry shows about anything
please i need some help with his anger and sepereation...He is very very smart
Hi there I have two sons. One has a developmental delay and one does not. I would say that both of my kids had to work on anger and probably ALL kids do. I have some suggestions for you that my help.
First, this is a common problem. In fact, many people NEVER learn how to handle anger and wind up as adults that fly off the handle easily. Know any of those? :>) So, the goal is to teach proper ways to handle frustration, anger, sadness and to give a child alternatives than what they are currently doing. This is teachable to most kids. It takes a bit of time to internalize but most get it.
I would recommend that you go to your local library first and look in a section for kids on moods. Believe it or not, many kids don't even understand what is happening to them and are just reacting. It really helps to read books on emotions to understand that it is normal to get angry but that we can use our words to express it. These books give them critical language and understanding. There are many to choose from. So, read these books and talk about them with him.
Then you want to talk about what he CAN do when angry and what he CAN NOT do. I found it really helpful for both of my kids (the child with a developmental issue and the one without) to act things out. I'd do it in a funny, exagerated way and they loved it. I'd pretend that I couldn't find my car keys and that one of them took them. I'd have a fit in a funny way mimicking some of the things they would do. Then I'd stoop and re do the same scenario in a calm way that you want them to try. I'd give them ideas of what they can do when mad. They can use their words and ask a grown up for help, They can try to express what is wrong. They can go to a 'cool down' spot to get themselves together where no one can talk to or bug them. they can deep breath (we call it pizza breaths . . . blow hard on that pizza to cool it down), they can count to 10, they can use helping hands (have him use finger paint to put his hand prints on paper, hang on wall, he goes to wall to push against his helping hands, causes a calming sensation to the neurological system.), he can open and close his fists tightly (again, slows the nervous system). these are just some ideas.
There is a series of books that is excellent for young kids that help with what they can't do. One is called "hands are not for hitting", another is "words are not for hurting". I reallly love these books. I think being very clear about what he isn't allowed to do is important with clear consquences. Consequences must be immediate at that age. I would say that if you are out somewhere and he has an outburst of anger and hits another child, you leave immediately. I'd also schedule some one on one play dates to practice social skills.
I'd start to moniter him a little bit too and see what his trigger points are. Often a little problem solving around that can head off a problem.
I agree that it is also normal to have some seperation anxiety for overnights at that age. I think he'll get over that. don't make a big deal out of it so that he sees it as an attention getting strategy. But I do think that will get better over time.
good luck. this is a common problem but if you just problem solve and work on it, it ishould get better
PS: we've started a new forum here at med help -- the sensory integration disorder forum. We'll be talking about a lot of these issues. Feel free to join us. Lots of sensory strategies will benefit all kids. Peace
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