About to give up...

I have a 12 year old step daughter that has lived in my home for 8 years now.  I have two other children with her father that are also in the home.  Her biological mother sees her on the scheduled visitation.  She has been seeing a counselor for about a year now to help her deal with issues.  She resents me so badly.  She lies, disrespects us, tells me how she only wants to be with her mom, not doing anything at school, and causing trouble with her siblings at home.  I am the disciplinarian for the most part at home because I am the one who is always with the kids.  I get so frustrated with her that I am about to lose my mind.  Should I stop fighting the battle and let her live with her mother, even though that is not a good place for her?  My husband is ready for this now, but I am so scared to let her leave.

[AnnieBrooke]

In what way(s) is the mother a bad place for her?  If you're talking egregious bad behavior, such as drugs, drinking, partying and hot and cold running boyfriends, then no, don't let the child go.  (I'd let her go to your husband's mother before his ex, if that were the kind of situation.)  But, where is you husband, cannot he be more of a responsible party than this?  

[Londres70]

What is the counselor's opinion about what is best for this child?

"I am the disciplinarian for the most part at home because I am the one who is always with the kids."........this is a MAJOR problem as a stepparent shouldn't be in the position of being the main disciplinarian over a bio parent in this situation.  Your husband should be more up front and present in regards to the disciplining of this child.