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Behavioral Issues with Step-son
My son is almost 5, he is technically my step-son, however I have raised him since he was one like my own.  His mom was into drugs, would take off randomly, leave him with her parents almost every night and go out, etc.  She is now in prison, has been for 3 and a half years.  As a young toddler and baby he witness a lot of screaming, violent fights, drug/alcohol abuse, and added on top of all that was abandoned by his mother when she went to prison. Although Biomom has never admitted to it, I think she was abusive to him as a baby and toddler, and also took drugs while she was pregnant.  When I first met my husband, Jeremy was really unruly, wouldn't listen, always acting out, obviously a troubled kid.  In the last 3 years, he's really come around a lot of ways, he's intelligent, polite, caring, listens well, but he still has a lot of anger and aggressive tendencies.  He has hurt other kids before, as well and myself and husband when he's angry, but also just while playing he suddenly gets really aggressive and will punch, kick, or sit on someone to hurt them.  I understand that his early childhood will probably always give him some aggression problems, but I thought that after all this time he would start to calm down and maybe start to forget about those things he went through.  We don't spank or hit him, he goes to time out for discipline, my husband and I don't fight around him, and there is a pretty minimal level of yelling.  Has anyone gone through this or have any advice to offer?  
I feel really frustrated and failing as a parent.  I have taken him to a psychologist who said that he could possibly have a behavioral issue such as childhood bipolar disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, or ADD/ADHD or even Aspergers autism, but that he was too young to diagnose or treat.  I don't want to see him on any medications, but some parenting techniques would be really helpful!  Also, his mother has borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder and depression runs on both sides of the family.  I really appreciate any help or advice. Thanks!
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