I have a 5 year old stepdaughter who is the sneakiest, most conniving child I have ever seen in my life! She is one way around people, and another in front of my husband. He thinks she is a precious, honest little girl. She literally looks out the window to watch him pull off. Then she starts 'trying' to be an adult. She throws tantrums and she will tell me she doesn't have to listen vto me. When he walks in the door she will lay out and say in her best 'sad voice', "Daddy, thank you for coming home I was so scared" He then looks at me like I did something to her. One time, she went home with a mark on her face from sleeping on vher barette. She told her mother I bit her, even though her mom & I don't get along, she even said its not a bite mark, but my husband, a different story. Its so stressful, I can't stand to deal with this girl. My home is so stressful when she is here. How can a 5 year old come change the energy of an otherwise happy home. My major worry is, she is 5 what's gonna happen when she becomes a pre teen or teenager. She even makes my 4 year old uncomfortable, he cries to go to my mom's house. Its bad because when I have tried to talk to my husband, he immediately gets defensive. I'm so sick of this, if she lies on me 1 more time I just might explode!!!!
If the problem is that she is really two different people entirely when he's gone and when he's there, you could put in one of those 'nanny cams' without telling anyone and film her when he's away. But it will probably take more than the incidents you described above to convince her dad that she is really being two different people. If there are other things that are worse, then film away, and show the dad.
I'd see a therapist about the stored-up anger and dislike you have for the girl. Not that I'm saying you're the problem, but a counselor will be able to suggest mechanisms for desensitizing yourself so the changed atmosphere will not be so changed.
In my opinion, you need NO therapy, but that child does and needs it like yesterday. I would recommend recording her in action and giving the evidence to her father. After he sees her in action hopefully he will take the child for professional help.
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