Woohoo, finally a step-parent forum. Welcome everyone, MedHelp made us a step-parent forum so anyone in a step family, or knows a step family has questons, can come here now. We will all work together to help find positive answers for your situations. Feel comfortable to lay it on the line. All children need parents, no matter if they are biological, step, foster or family. All children need to be loved and feel loved, and many adults have questions to help them raise their children. Together, we will help to find answers so that they can accomplish that. Thanks MedHelp! I can't wait to see this forum take off.
Well I am also glad to see this forum, although my fiancee and I aren't married yet we do have a big family. We have a 1 yr old together and He is what I would say a step father to my 2 children from a previous and I am a stepmom to his daughter from a previous. We've been together almost 6 years and boy what a ride its been. I sometimes think being a step parent is a little harder than being a parent to your own. You want that other child to feel just as comfortable and loved as your own children will feel, although parenting alone can be very frustrating, it can be even more frustrating as a step parent, it is very challenging. I use to feel a little distant from my fiancee's daughter, almost like I didn't know how to be around her, but since we had our daughter together it feels more like a real family, may sound dumb but thats what it feels like, I look at my step daughter and love her as if though she were my own, but it took a long time for me to become closer with her, I was always afraid to become attached to her, I told my fiancee that I wasn't going to let myself get close incase he and I parted ways, but now I look at her and say she will always be a part of my family no matter what. Well now that there is a step parent forum it would be great to hear everyone stories.
Your story is very inspiring. It is amazing how hard it can be to pull a family together, much less a step family. We call our family "blended", reminds me of some tasty smothee or something..Hehe. I agree with you that when two adults have a child together, it seems to bring everyone closer, it completes the circle. I wish somedays that our other kids were here with us, but I know in my heart, they will be back, someday..It is a neat feeling to be able to bring people together and call it a family. It is for sure a huge challenge, I believe everyone ould do it if they wanted to..Thank you for the story, its so nice to see families working out,
I am getting ready to become a stepparent myself. I am the mommy of two beautiful little girls that are 7 and 8 years old. My fiancee has an 8 year old daughter. He is currently working to get visitation with her and once he does I am looking forward to loving his little princess as I do my own, just like he does my two. He is a blessing to my girls and I and I couldn't ask for a better dad to my girls. We too want to become a "blended" family and have a baby together. We are hoping for a boy when the time comes since we have three girls together, but even then as long as we are blessed with a healthy little one we will be as happy as can be. I look forward to chatting with everybody as time goes.
My fiance has 2 kids, ages 6 (son) and 2 (daughter). His 6yr old son lives with us 50% of the time but we barely get to see his daughter (different moms). It is very difficult being a step-parent, some people do not give (good) step-parents the credit they deserve. Its great to have a forum for us!
I need to correct my last post, I dont know how I did it, but my oldest daughter is 9 not 8, so between my fiance and I there are three beautiful little girls, ages 7, 8, and 9. Oops!! I guess that was one of those days that my brain just doenst work correctly. :-)
Im happy to see that people are using this forum. Its good to hear happy stories as well. Step parenting is hard work, when I had my step kids, I was a stay at home mom and mostly the disiplinarian. My husband worked long hours and when he came home, he was to tired to do anything, or he was in the mood for playing with the kids, not disiplining them. I had a very good friend tell me that as a step parent, I should never disipline our step kids because they would hold a grudge againest me. That turned into a difficult task because whenever my step kids misbehaved, I would tell my husband, and it would make him mad at me. I would even put the one who misbehaved in time out until he got home, and he would get mad at me and pull the child out of time out. He would only talk to them before taking them out of time out, thinking they would listen, but they would be doing it again as soon as they were out of time out. With 5 kids, a c-section, and a knee surgery that put me down for 6 months, I got very stressed. Not only were the kids misbehaving all the time, my kids who usually never misbehaved, saw the other kids doing it and getting away with it so they started doing it too. When my husband was home on weekends, his daughter would be all sweet and kissy with him, but give me dirty looks when his back was turned. She acted pretty much like a baby, lied all the time, hit the other kids and when she got caught, she would act like a baby and cry and deny it. My husband would baby her and ask her if she was going to stop and she would say yes, but as soon as he turned his back, she would do bad things again. It pretty much disguisted me and made me feel unwelcome.. During the week I would do everrything for the kids and take them to school and stuff. I noticed my own kids changing and not talking much, I felt so bad that I was losing touch with them because she was taking all the attention. I finally had had enough and I put my foot down going back to disiplining all the kids. Everytime our little step girl misbehaved, I disiplined her actions, usually sending her to her room. All the kids would tell me when she did something to them and I would nip it in the bud. My own kids started to have their time again along with our step son who was tired of getting beat up all the time from his sister. I talked to my husband all the time about her behavior, and it got so bad that I was having to talk to him everyday about problems with his daughter. He got real tired of it stating that all I did was talk about how bad she was. All I was doing was asking him to help get her straightened out because when he let her get away with the bad behavior, she would just keep doing it. He had no problems disipling the other kids, he had no problems with them not listening, he could disipline them and they wouldnt do it again. But his daughter would mis behave so much that I told my husband that shes just doing it for any kind of attention. We tried reward charts, chore money, taking toys away, writing 100 times, making plans for good behavior, we tried everything. Finally after 2 years, my husband had listened to me nag enough and point out things to him when he was home, that he began to see that she was a problem. He began to nip it in the bud with me and we had her behavior turning around when her mom came back in the picture. The little girl who was turning good, began regressing because she would lie and cry to her mom that we were being mean to her and that she never did anything wrong. Of course her mom called us often and asked us why we did these things to the daughter, we explained the situation and would even get the girl on the phone and she would cry and lie, but when she came home, she would cry and tell us she was sorry and that her mom made her say those things. It sucked. The step girl started hitting everyone again, lying,crying to get her way, misbehaving all the time etc. When we disiplined her, she would sit in her room crying for her mom who no doubt would not be disiplining her for what she had done. We heard stories from her mom that she yelled and screamed in a store to get something and all the mother did was take her out of the store. She also slamed the door at her moms and when we asked the mom about it, she acted angry, put the daughter on the phone, dad talked to her and when she got off the phone she was crying and the mom told her that daddy was going to spank her when she got home and then the mom said that she wouldnt do that if she lived there at the moms. It was very contradicting. The children wanted to live with their mom, she didnt disipline them and bought them everything, she turned the kids first on me, and then on their dad who had raised them himself for the last 3 years. The mom was a liar, manipulator, have various mental problems, and had the kids believing that we didnt love them. We were going to fight her in court because of all the problems she created, but by then I was pregnant, stressed out, and didnt want to fight anymore. My husband was so tired of all the bs, that he didnt want to go through anymore court things either. So we let the kids go live with her thinking that they would want to come home a month later. That didnt happen though, she had manipulated them so much that they feared we were going to kidnap them and take them away from their mom. She cut off all conversations, medical interventions, and refused to give us her address and new phone number. She even warned the school that there was a cps case on us, even though it was on her. Then she took the daughter to counseling and made her lie about an accusation againest my son. Our house was full of so much stress and negativity that I couldnt handle it anymore. After she made the accusation againest my own kids, I told my husband I would never have anything to do with them until they were older and changed their bad ways back to good ways. I cant let my kids be around the bad behavior, the hitting and lying because my kids are good kids. I dont want them to suffer anymore than they allready did. My husband had allready made up his mind about waiting for the kids to grow up before he made a call to them, and at this point, I dont even know if we were let to sse them if we should because of the false accusations. I have raised my kids through my divorces for 11 years now and I wont let anyone get in the way or accuse to have them taken away. I love them to much and know that I have raised them the right way and to be good and do right things so they can go to Heaven when they die. I pray for my step kids to get on the right path someday, I pray that God save the wicked soul of the mother and step in and help her get the kids on the right path so they dont grow up and suffer. Our house is a lot less stressful, my husband is very good to my kids and our own kids we had together. He even disiplines them when they need it, but Im still the head disipliner. My kids love him to death and are very happy now that things are routine, consistant, loving and not stressful around here. I dont think I could ever go back to how it was, it was way to stressful and being pregnant and stressing is not healthy. My little baby passed away at 3 weeks and I wonder if it wasnt because I stressed so much when I was pregnant with him. I would hate for that to be part of the reason.But I know that no matter if your a parent or step parent or any other kind of parent, kids need to be respectful and listen. They should be taught to love those who love and raise them, it will only help them when they get older to have loving relationships with a spouse and with their own kids.
Thank you very much, it makes me feel strong when people keep telling me that I am. I really just wanted my baby to have a story, I really appreciate your compliment cause somedays I feel just like mush...
OMG, first, I'm so sorry you lost your baby. NO ONE should ever have to endure such a loss. Second, I know a lot of what your situation was like. Mine isn't as bad, but it's bad enough. My step-daughter is 14 years old. I have been with her since 4 months after her mom left her and her dad. She was only 22 months old then. She lives with me and her dad, and our 2 sons. Always has. She goes to her mom's every other weekend. She is, for the most part, a well behaved young lady. When she's here with us. But, when she goes to her mom's she doesn't dicipline at all, I guess it's because she is only there for 4 days out of each month...but still. It only makes it hard on her and on us when she comes home. And I CONSTANTLY have to point out the way my husband favors her and lets her get away with things that he doesn't let our sons get away with. I know he has a fear that she will want to go live with her mom and I believe this is why he lets her get away with things. She is old enough now that she doesn't mistreat our boys or anything like that, but they are 10 and 8 years old...old enough to notice how she gets away with things that they don't. Which makes them (and I gotta admit, me too) resent her. I love her dearly and love my husband very much, but I wonder sometimes if I had been able to see into the future and know what it was going to be like, being a step-mom, would I have ever married my husband? I just honestly don't know sometimes.
Life really has its weak points doesnt t? Its allmost like a test of your love,patence,and time. Everythng wll work out, just keep praying, beng strong, and dont ever let the kids get the best of you!!I see that way to much, and the kids rule everything and the parents are unhappy..I love my kids, all of them, I know now I cant control everything though, so I just do my best. Thank you to all who read about our baby. My little angel..Hes missed by many!!
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