I hate my step dad

I'm not a step parent but I have 2 step parents. I love my step mom. She and her family treat me like family. I have a very good bond with my step mom, grandpa, aunt, and brother. But at Mom's which is where I am most of the time is where my step father (Scott) and his son (Sean) live. My step father doesn't acknowledge my existence. We have literally spent the whole day in the same house and not said one word to each other. His son lies, victimizes himself, and has no social skills at all because all he does is play video games. Scott will take Sean out to eat or buy him stuff and then lie to Mom about it. He claims that Sean pays for the stuff he gets him to Mom but I've actually heard him go in and say "hey buddy, I got you a present". He bought mom a kindle, and sean over $100 in video games and gave it to them in front of me an my brother. He always believes Sean's lies and doesn't make him do anything for his allowance even though bub and I have to do chores for ours. He tells me that I'm a terrible child and that "he would knock me on my a** if i were his". I know better than that because he has 4 kids 3 of which are grown and 2 have illigament kids his daughter is into drugs and has had both her kids taken away an that stuff doesn't happen because of good parenting. We have a no tolerance for cussing at my house but mom says nothing when I call them mean names. Since I can't get at my step father as easily as Sean bub and I tend to pick on him a lot. Most of the time it's because he does something stupid. Like today when he couldn't figure out how to open the front door even though he is in 7th grade. I have no plans on trying to build a relationship with either one of them. I want to know if this is normal for combined families. I would also like to know if there are any step parents out there that would do the things Scott does to their step kids. And just in case you wanted to know I am very appreciative for how my mom raised me. I'm glad I have to work for my allowance and that video games and tv weren't allowed in excess when i was little.

[AnnieBrooke]

It's probably not uncommon, but it does sound incendiary even so.  Is there any way you can live with your father and stepmother?

[seattlemom2plus]

What type of relationship do you have with your father?  Moving in with him may not be an option.  Keep talking about your feelings to a neutral party like here so you can keep your own head on.  Definitely a frustrating situation indeed.

[Monkeymorgan]

I'm very close with my dad but I would never move in with him because it would hurt my mom and brother too much. I haven't talked with my stepfather or his kid in who knows how long. Surprisingly this is making things much better. I haven't been angry with him in 24 hours but it is a mom weekend so this is bound to change. As long as he keeps his head up his own butt I can handle things, I think, at least until it is too cold to go outside and play catch by myself. Everyday the things his kid does makes me more appreciative for my mom and dad and the rules I hated as a little kid.

[seattlemom2plus]

You have a great head on your shoulders that alone will help you get through this :)  Thanks for keeping us updated!

[Monkeymorgan]

I just need to vent! Tonight at dinner I was having a conversation with my mom and Scott (my stepfather) kept butting in just to argue with me. He hasn't spoken to me in who knows how long. He did it again and when he started speaking I said, "Scott, I'm trying to talk to my mom. Quit butting in I don't want to talk to you!" Then he started going off on me. I said, "YOU NEVER SPEAK TO ME UNLESS YOU ARE YELLING AT ME OR ARGUING! SO JUST SHUT UP I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!" Then he started on respect and badmouthing me. So I asked, "WHAT LIKE THAT RESPECT YOU SHOWED ME RIGHT THEN!" There were so many things I wanted to say but instead I went to my room without slamming doors or anything. Then I turned my music up and tried to cool down. I was so upset I ended up just pacing and kicking my dirty clothes. Then I cleaned my whole room in like 5 minutes. This week is a mom weekend and I have a feeling it is going to be a long one. I'm so mad I don't even know what to do with myself right now. I usually handle anger pretty well but I'm just so fed up with him I don't even know. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK venting over time to go find another outlet.

[ecolt]

I know this is an older thread, but I had to reply. My stepdaughter's name is also Morgan and she and I have a great relationship (much better than she has with her stepdad, although it's not as bad as yours with Scott), so I guess it just hit me a bit.

First of all, have you and your brother talked to your mom about what's going on? Not just complained or mentioned it in passing, but really sat down and talked about it? I'm sure it's very stressful for her to have her husband and children have such a bad relationship, but I can't imagine not doing anything if someone were treating my kids that way. Your stepfather telling you he'd knock you on your *** is a threat, and if your mother knows that he's been saying things like that and isn't addressing the issue that's a real problem. She's his wife, but her role as your mother should always be more important to her. If she knows you and your brother are hurting, that needs to be her #1 priority. I think it is somewhat normal for step-parents to treat their own children differently, but your mother needs to know that Scott's behavior is more than just a little hurtful.

For what it's worth, I'd say you and your brother should stop picking on your stepbrother. I know it seems like a good way to vent your frustrations, but it can't do much to help your stepfather's opinion of you. Take the high road and be the more mature one, if for no other reason than to not give him any more reason to go after you.

You said you don't want to go live with your dad just because it would hurt your mom and brother too much. While I applaud the fact that you're obviously a very caring young woman, I honestly think you should maybe reconsider. You don't want to hurt other people's feelings, but yours are being hurt every day. That much stress and anxiety isn't good for you, and it seems as though everyone in the house is feeling it too. While I understand that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, sometimes you need to put your own well-being first. Staying in a situation you're so uncomfortable in isn't just stressful for you, either - the longer this goes on and the more frustrated you get, the more likely it is to strain your relationship with your mom in the long run. As hard of a choice as it must be, it's probably much more healthy for you to be in an environment where you're more relaxed and welcomed.

[Monkeymorgan]

My brother and I have spoken with my mom many times. She was present for the threats and did nothing about it. She knows what happens around the house. When we say things about Sean she just says he's not our problem. I must disagree with her on that considering he threatened to kill her a while back and more recently threatened to kill himself when I caught him lying to me. When I ask her why she won't just get divorced she says, "I don't want to go through another divorce." I find this to be a terrible excuse. The reason nothing will ever change is because she has always allowed men to walk all over her and defend them to the death. She was married to my dad for about 15 years. He cheated on her from the time they were dating until the divorce. She knew what was going on, but refused to admit it to herself. As for Sean I rarely speak to him because he never comes out of his room. I will not go live with my dad ever. Things may be better there, but it isn't perfect.

Here is an update on what has been going on. Scott and I still do not speak, not even on the 30 minute car ride with just the two of us to church every other Sunday. I don't really care. I like him best when his mouth is shut. Sean plays killing games, watches killing shows, and reads killing books. His dad encourages him in all of this. He gets so into the video games he cries and breaks things when he gets upset with the game. His dad encourages him to shoot and buys him guns. He threaten to commit suicide a few weeks ago. His mom has been to jail for drug charges. When she got bailed out he was with her within 24 hours. I sleep with my bedroom door locked because if he does decide to commit suicide he will take someone with him.

I know living at Dad's sound like a great idea, but I would never do so. Partly because it would hurt my mom and brother, but also because my dad isn't always wonderful to be around either. Every time I am with him he tells me that I need to lose weight. I am not over weight at all. I am just not anorexic-looking like him and his wife. If your BMI isn't 12 you are too fat. I quiet often get upset about the weight comments thrown about. My dad also has an awful temper. He will just go off sometimes. It usually ends up with me going to my room to "take a nap"/ cry. So even though things there are better they aren't perfect.

Thank you for your concern and understanding. It really helps to talk to people, even if it is just online.