I am happily married to the love of my life, whaen we met he had been divorced for approx. a year, seperated a year prior. He has 2 boys (now 6 & 5), when we first got together he had split custody (50/50) with his ex. For a year she was always calling asking if we would keep the boys, for example Mother's Day she said "This is MY day, I shouldn't have to have the boys, I should be relaxing". A little over a year ago his ex got into a relationship & within a month was pregnant. We heard many things from the boys including but not limited to belt spankings, swirly's & in lue of time out having to stand in the corner holding 5 lb weights, from both their Mom & the BF (who also has a 5 yr old son from a previous relationship). My husband went to his attorney to see if there was anything we could do about this situation, which he began by filing for custody. Within weeks the ex & the BF got into a huge domestic problem where she ended up with a black eye, fat lip & missing part of a tooth. She called and asked if we would keep the boys for her week because she did not want them to see her like that. Of course we were fine with that & contacted the attorney. In the beginning the Ex said she was leaving the BF but ended up not because "then what would I do?" she said "stay on welfare forever?" (Which she does any way, because he can't work & she refuses to because she has a now 1 yr old baby). So my husband proceded with custody. He was awarded temporary custody, we now have a GAL involved. Our problem now is this, she blames me for this whole thing, tells the boys that I am "evil" and talks t them none stop about the court's decision's. She tells them "the judsge thinks we (meaning her & her BF) are mean to you". To top this all off the oldest of the 2 boys goes to counseling once a week & was diagnoised w/ mild autism & bi-polar. (good times I tell ya). Here's my question how do we get her to stop speaking about court info to the boys & stop her from blaming me? (I don't really car if she blames me but talking to a 5 & 6 year old about it is uncalled for.)
You can't stop her and don't bother trying. And don't ever talk against her to the children. Children are very intuitive. As time goes by they will understand everything.
My parents divorced finally when I was 14, but they had separated many times before that, so my father was not around much. My mother vilified him from the time I was little. He never said a word against her. As we grew up, we all motivated to our father (I am one of five children). In the end she lost us all because she was a nasty, hateful person.
I think you need to take a look at the temporary custody court papers as they should say in there that neither parent nor significant other is allowed to bad mouth the other parent and sibling. I am not sure what state you are in, but it absolutely says that in Florida custody papers and I would think it should be standard in all states to not bad mouth the other parent to the children. I am a step mother as well and we have been through all of this and have primary customer of both my husband's daughters (3 & 5). I think if you discover she is doing this, then you need to write down everything the boys tell you. Could come in handy for future court cases and definitely doesn't look bad on your part to keep record.
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