I have a step-daughter in her late 20's that I've help raise since she was 3. We were very close when she was younger. She was my shadow. My husband & I had full custody however her mother was (and still is) involved with her. I encouraged her to have a relationship with her mother. I never spoke ill of her mother yet around age 13, she turned against me. I tried to get her to open up but nothing. I chalked it up to teenage agnst thinking that as she got older, it would dissipate. She is now age 27 and it has yet to be better. She is nice to me when her Dad is around but rude as can be when he is not. I have in the past let her know how her behaviour has been hurtful but it falls on deaf ears. I feel as though she hates me and horribly, I am very uncomfortable around her. For the past 4 years, I've not let her have the satisfaction of knowing how it still hurts me to the core because I feel it would fuel her actions. I treat her the same as I always have. At this point, I only put up with her because I adore her Father. Sadly, if I were to tell my husband how she is or makes me feel, it would cause a rift between he and I. And I don't want to put any damper on their excellent relationship). My step-son, her older brother, adores me. Does anyone have a suggestion on what else I can do other than continue on ignoring her ignorant behaviour towards me? And for the record, her parents were divorced before I even met her Father. I welcome any suggestions. Thank you!
Ugh. I'm sure sorry. Sounds like you've really tried with her. Lots of adult 20 somethings do have issues with those that were parental figures to them. They've not yet grown to appreciate those who have been good to them in their life and take them for granted. Often a light bulb goes off and they realize that those who parented them throughout their life loved them and did the best they could. I sure hope that happens for your step daughter.
You really are in a situation in which you can't do much. However, you can stop desiring her approval. I'd continue to be polite but not go out of your way for her. I'm sorry her dad doesn't get to see her rude treatment of you (smart girl for keeping it on the down low) but there are still consequences to be paid for how we act. I hate to ask you to harden your heart but I'd try not to let this hurt you the best you can. You have her father that you adore and her brother loves you. It's still all good.
And maybe she'll come around and appreciate you for the love you've given her. I sure hope so dear. Peace.
You are right that there isn't much I can do but just being able to actually express myself without reprecussions or judgements feels good. And your words felt like a big, warm hug. Thank you. I so needed that. I will certainly try to follow your advise and just continue to be polite.
i'm a conspiracy guy so i have a theory as usual if you noticed that she started acting like this after you encouraged her to talk to her mom so maybe she said stuff to her like you're the cause they broke up or something ... think about it
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