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Soon To Be Step Mom
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Soon To Be Step Mom

I'm engaged to a wonderful man. He has a 2 year old from a previous relationship. I love his son like my own. His biological mother doesn't see him (maybe for a weekend every 6 months). She's not even a year older than me (she was born in Dec. 1989 & I'm Feb. 1990). My fiance is 28. At the beginning of the year she found out about me. And got extremely mad that her son has started calling me "mom-mom." So she took him for 2 weeks. When she dropped him back off she was even more upset because apparently the whole time he was screaming and crying saying he "wanted mom-mom" and when she tried telling him that she's his mom he said " NO I WANT KAYLA MOM-MOM." So naturally, she hates me. I've tried telling her that I'm not trying to take her place in his life but she didn't want to hear it. How do I fix this? It's so hard.
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134578_tn?1404951303
Why do you feel obliged to try to fix it?  Do you think she is going to press for legal custody?  Your advent in your fiance's life is a situation that she has to get over, and she might sooner or later.  But if she has abdicated custody of the child for two years she is going to have a tough time getting custody.

ps -- If you think there is any chance his ex is going to sue for custody of the child, I would move the wedding up to sometime soon.  A married couple does much better in front of a judge, in custody matters.
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3136223_tn?1367964316
I don't think she will, she's quite content living the "part time mother" job, as she puts it. But he deserves to at least see her more. I don't want to take her place... I'm actually going to talk to my fiance about adopting Brandyn when we get married since his ex doesn't treat him like a son... he's more of an accessory when she has him. It's frustrating.
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134578_tn?1404951303
Well, something you can fix is the adoption issue, something you can't fix is the ex's attitude.  Lack of frustration is in knowing the difference.  
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3136223_tn?1367964316
Oh I plan on adopting him when we get married. My fiance and I talked about it earlier. So it's not bothering me so much anymore.
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1268057_tn?1399131913
"I've tried telling her that I'm not trying to take her place in his life but she didn't want to hear it. How do I fix this? It's so hard.".......Dear, don't bother with the ex and let your soon to be hubby deal with her.  I wouldn't try explaining anything to her.  It would probably be like talking to a brick wall......NOTHING penetrating.  

As far as I'm concerned, you've been more of a mother to the child than she has and I am certain she realizes this/knows this and that would explain the hostility and all this other nonsense.  

PM me anytime hon.........I am a STEPMOTHER myself.  

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