HELP !!!!! I am a mum for three kids. A girl age 12 (L), a lad age 11 (B) & a girl age 3 (M). The two older kids are from a previous relationship. Adam (my husband) & I don't get on with my ex. Adam & I have had a rocky 6 year journey with jobs, moving homes, miscarriages, getting married, my ill health/operations & finally having our daughter (M). When we first got together, my kids were quite cute & endearing. Adam who is 8 yrs younger than me didn't have any kids of his own so the kids were somewhat of a novelty at first. Initially Adam got on well with them, but as they have got older, they've grown in confidence & now sometimes answer back, which Adam cannot stand.
The older kids have been pushed into the background since M came along 3 yrs ago as she was poorly for the first six months of her life.
I am on antidepressants for depression & anxiety because I can't cope with life. The two older kids are constantly being told off by Adam, for really insignificant things, they are not aloud to watch tv past 6pm, they have to be in bed at 8.30pm prompt. It feels like we are all in the army. The poor kids are constantly on edge because they are waiting to be told off. I counted in 3 minutes alone sat at the dinner table, B got told off 8 times, for not holding his knife properly, putting too much food in his mouth, putting too much ketchup on his food, spreading ketchup on his food, spilling his drink, talking whilst eating etc. the kids aren't allowed food between meal times except for the occasional biscuit. The kids don't do anything really naughty which is why Adam has to pick up on all the little things. B has started saying on a daily basis, why can't we be like normal families where we are given a few changes before being shouted at, why does M get all the attention & why doesn't she get disciplined in the same way. I have no answers other than M is Adam's child. The kids no not get punished in any way other than being sent to their rooms or iPads etc being banned for a set amount of time. I absolutely adore Adam & do not want to loose him as he is a lovely man & he only wants the best for the kids. He & I get on brilliantly when we are on our own or just with M. He had a similar upbringing so doesn't know anything else. We are a middle class family in a nice house, good jobs, have nice things in life, but yet I am so unhappy. I feel like I am piggy in the middle all the time. I do discipline the kids, I think harder than most mothers but Adam doesn't feel I am hard enough on them or I don't spot things quick enough. Generally it's because he is waiting for the kids to do something that he thinks they need to be told off for. I m now finding myself sneaking biscuits to the kids when he's not looking coz they are hungry. I need some constructive advise on how I can sort this big mess out.
Go in for counseling with Adam, and if that does not happen or does not work, I would leave him. Sorry to say it to someone who "can't cope with life," but you have to do this for your kids' sake. He is being a martinet and a jerk, and it sounds like it will only get worse. You say "I absolutely adore Adam" after giving a list of the ways he is horrible to your kids. Please think this over. Why would ANYONE adore someone who is horrible to her kids?
Tell him you two need counseling, and make an appointment. If he won't go, go by yourself.
OMG....."Adam" is definitely crossing the line. For starts, you two should be on board together about how the disclipline should go. This is COMPLETELY out of control hon. I mean....you are sneeking cookies to your children behind "Adam's" back because the children are hungry? You aren't running any "bootcamp" and NOR should he. These are YOUR children and you should have the say in how to raise them. "Adam's" imput may or may not be used as YOU see fit. The children should see you both work as a team though.
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