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Stepchildren Woes
I would like people who are actually step parents to respond, thanks.  I am new to this forum.  

I am having problems bonding with my four stepchildren.  They are 12, 14, 22, 24.  At first, everything was going great, and then their mother found out their dad and I got married and everything changed.  She and he divorced years ago; she filed for the divorce.  The two oldest children do not come over here anymore and the two youngest we have every other weekend and holidays.  I find the children try to be as annoying as possible, i.e. asking questions that make no sense, lying about things they did do, getting into my personal things without permission, constantly begging for money and things, complaining about what they have to eat, oh yes, the list can go on.  The youngest one irritates me the most because she rarely listens to me or her father.  She puts her fingers in his face and talks to him disrespectfully.  Their mother is rarely home.  When we drop them off, she is usually gone, so we have to wait until she shows up.  The children act as if they have no guidance at their mother's home and come to our home and present this bad behavior.  I have a child of my own, he is 22 and I hardly had these problems ever with him; guess I was lucky.  He gets along with my new husband.  His father and I are good friends still.  Their mother tries to get as much money as she can from my husband still.  She gets her child support every month and spends it on trips to Spain (for herself) and buying cell phones, computers, etc.  

Some people say "kids will be kids," but I can tell you my own rarely acted like this.  If he did, it was not for long.  

Any suggestions?  
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I'm not a parent but I want to say the kids need help with some kind of consoling or something like that and forgive me if this sounds rude, but their mother I say should probbly not be with kids because she's a bad influence and all she cares is about herself and it sounds like she wont even care if they get hurt or something, but anyway family meetings are also an option.
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I have an 8 yr old stepdaughter who is unaffectionate and antisocial- she is only needy to her dad and won't hug anyone else. The ex is a money hungry unfit mother who has her some days a week- she doesn't want kid full time because she wants that check.ALOT of women DONT need to ever have children, just to use them to get child support while hopping man to man.
The kid senses that the mom is like this and its screwing her up- our marriage has suffered because of all this drama. I never knew what I was really getting into when we got married- I love him more than anything but I would never advise anyone to marry someone with a kid.
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282524 tn?1348492612
i hav been a stepmom 4 7 years now, some days its good & other days r hell.  it is very hard 2 help the kids if both parents arent willin 2 put n the time. i hav 2 stepdaughter 1 of them he doesnt see & the other is here every other week, it is hard when i hav mine & my husbands 2 boys all the time. but it seems like my stepdaughter doesnt hav 2 listen 2 the rules lik the others. she can drive me crazy & she is only 8.

i think the best thing 2 do is talk 2 ur husband about how u feel. stepparenting is hell but there r some good times 2. look at it this way if u really love ur husband it is worth it!!!!
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Totally agree with previous poster! It is hell! Especially when your children behave and his don't, it seems very one sided. My step kids live with their dad so the pressure is always om... it all seems very romantic at the beginning, but when its all about the step kids and never about you or your kids it tests the patience of a saint. My issue is with their mother who sees them when it suits her and undoes all our hardwork, pays no child support, and laughs at our serious concerns! Wish she would just help us a bit!
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I thought I was the only one who felt the way you all do.  

I posted a while back in another parenting forum in MH and got negative feedback from some other posters who responded to my posts.  One even ridiculed and belittled me, which I didn't care for.  Another stated, "you married someone with children, duh."  And pretty much just told me to "deal with it."  

I am glad my post was well received in this forum.  

I am so sick of good step parents not getting the respect they deserve.

If I had to do it again, I would marry someone without small or teenage children living in the home.  Just seems like too much drama to put up with for a man/husband.  Thank goodness my husband is empathic to my situation and validated my problem with his children.  The worst one out of his 4 children is ADD or ADHD and my husband and his ex don't medicate her.  She drives me insane.  I hate dealing with her at times.  It is like a ride on a freakin rollercoaster.  The only time we get any peace is when she is asleep.  She can't be quiet for more than 15 mintues.  She throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way or when we correct her.  She will be 13 this year.  She talks baby talk all the time when she talks with her father.  To be perfectly honest, I think she is nuts.  

Their mother, well.....hmmm....right.  That is another story in itself.  
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Hi I'm sorry you have experienced nastiness on here, I haven't but only been on here a few weeks, I'm sure I will cos I speak my mind LOL.
I feel very much the same, ADHD and girls!!!! arrrgggghhh!!! My partner has a son with ADHD and a girl that is worse than him but has not been diagnosed yet, and an older soon.
She is so loud and obnoxious and my partner seems to just switch off, I'm on high alert all the time and it pees me off!
Then the fact there is no recogonition aswell is just insulting! They live with their Dad so we also have the ex from hell to deal with, like you said whole other story.
I guess we carry on somehow, I love them, I must do!!!!
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You described my SD and my husband's response to the situation to a "T."  

I though it was just me being overly sensitive.  

Thanks for such a reassuring post.  

Merci.  
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No problems, we must stick together x
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1486688 tn?1333857307
Hey you!
I also want to add a bit:O)  Hubby's ex-troll would take us to court every time she found out he made a dime more and she'd get it..By the time he was 13 we were paying $550. a month for this one kid..and we had three of our own!  SS had always wanted to live with us so when he was 12 we hired an attorney..actually TWO..b/c SS had to have his own.  We fought in court for a year..finally the judge gave custody to the maternal grandmother..who had him for 6 months (she is friends with the judge) and then we FINALLY got him when he was about to be 14.  The judge was then going to make her pay us..and she whined and cried and begged and apologized for being a witch about money all these years.  Hubby told her he didn't want a dime from her..just his son.  That was it..no money has swapped hands since then.  It was hell for such a long time before always about money..and time then once we got him it was about..chores and school work and me not being his mom.  Sometimes it seems like you can't win for losing.  On the ADHD business..you know my daughter has that..she can be such a tyrant..I'm pretty sure  I was given the wrong baby at the hospital.  I just know MY daughter is better behaved than the one they gave me!  GEEESH!!  She is very obnoxious and bounces off the wall most times..talks loudly when very excited about something..OR ANGRY! which is typically the case.  She always picks at her brothers..instigates problems for no good reason...I call her my drama queen.  The thing that keeps me going is hearing others say how good she is and how well behaved and what good manners!  I swear..I'm not sure they have the right girl..I figure as long as she knows how to act when she is somewhere else..I'm not completely losing.  But I would just be overflowing with joy if she did it at home..I want to see it too!  Oh..and if this girl (my daughter) were my SD..I would've already left..ROFL!!!  Just so you know!
Well..you know I think you are pretty awesome..that's gotta be worth something!!!;O))
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