Last year my ex started seeing his 7 yo daughter after being prevented from seeing her for 4 years. All done through the courts. In aug we went through ivf and luckily fell preg first time. However court has started again because ex wife obstructing contact. Finding v stressful as partner gets v agitated by court process. Feeling resentful towards step daughter although know this isn't her fault. Equally as resentful towards partner as what should be a happy time seems to be totally focused on court case. Every time something important happens in our pregnancy his manages to overshadow it - more accurately he can't focussing on what's happening for us. Am getting to point where I can't be his emotional crutch. Anyone got any sound advice pls?
Why wasn't he able to see his daughter before now?
Well....to be perfectly honest dear, he has some serious "unfinished" business and there is no way he can be totally, 100% focused on your unborn child when he is fighting for the right to see his other child who is already here. Frankly, he has alot on his proverbal "plate" to think about and deal with.
Emotional crutch? Not sure what you mean by that. This situation sounds emotionally draining and he will need support. Sounds like you want him to forget about his earlier life and focus on you and your baby together. That's NOT fair to ask anyone who is dealing with this sort of situation.
His past will intertwine with your present and future since there is a child from a previous relationship......you will have to accept this.
I would recommend seeking counseling about this and exploring your feelings and see if that helps.
No we are not married and also I'm not asking him to put our baby first. I have supported him fully in his contact battle, helped prepare court docs and fully supported when he is feeling very defeated by the situation. I would just like his ex to stop her game playing which is having a detrimental impact upon our relationship because we are both so worried about the emotional harm it is doing to his daughter. I am not being selfish, I would like some focus and excitement about the birth of our baby and his daughter's half sister.
Not saying you are being selfish, but hon the situation is what it is. You can't control what this ex is doing unfortunately and will have to continue to battle with her throught the court system. This is the reality for alot of folks and is truly detrimental to the children. Obviously this ex isn't thinking about what is best for the child......sounds like she is wrapped up into herself, however, she is the girl's mother.
To be perfectly honest the timing here is all wrong. He probably should have gotten this custody issue straightened out before moving forward with having another child so that you two could move forward with this mess behind you. Unfortunately you have gotten involved with someone who has some serious unfinished business. I am assuming you knew all this BEFORE the pregnancy.
I am not sure how this man will NOT be able to focus mostly on his daughter.
Have you tried talking with him about how you feel?
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