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What to do about boyfriends adult child?
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What to do about boyfriends adult child?

I have been with my bf for 3 years. My bfs son is 19. He lives in a camper outside my house. All I ask of him is to clean up after himself. He doesn't think he should have to. My bf is a truck driver so he is never here. Anytime I say anything to him, he says I am putting him in the middle. Jr works in a factory, pays no rent, expects me to buy his food. If I get on to him for something, he goes strait to his dad. If I tell his dad, jr tells me I need to take it up with him. He refuses to wash his dishes, there are grease spots on almost every cabinet door where we has rubbed his knees up against it. I bought a freezer, he broke the lock on it, although he wasn't supposed to be in it. He gets grease all over the fridge. I just scrubbed the kitchen top to bottom a few weeks before he done this. He expects me to drop what I am doing to help him, yet if I ask him to do something that will take 2 minutes, he takes 3 minutes explaining why he can't. The other day I told my son to come in and do his chores. Jr laughed at him and told him he didn't have to do anything around the house. Today I went in their bathroom. When he moved out (only for 2 weeks )-;) I paid $20 to have the bathroom cleaned from top to bottom. Now there is grease all over the shower walls, and there are 2 different intentional designs drawn in the wall and cabinet with grease. I have not told his dad because he is not home, so it will do no good. Won't do any good anyways. The other day I told jr yet again that he needed to clean up after himself, he replys back to "practice what yew preach" yeah he is 19 and cannot spell you. Anyways, I am the ONLY one who cleans the house, noone cleans up after me, so I do not understand his comment. I am stressed, I can't eat, im sick, I want to cry, I hate feeling this way. The easy way to get rid of stress is to get rid of what causes it. Well, unless I get rid of my bf, which I couldn't imagine doing, I do not see any way to get rid of the stress. I feel there is nothing I can do and I am about to break.
5 Comments Post a Comment
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134578_tn?1383690151
You have bootstraps, pull yourself up.  What do you mean, you can't imagine getting rid of your never-there boyfriend who has dropped a huge burden in your life and then driven off and said it's not his problem? What kind of boyfriend is that? Get the police to evict the son and his camper.  Change your house's lock.  Get a restraining order against the son.  Tell the boyfriend that if he wants you, he has to come visit you like a gentleman, not park his messy, disrespectful son in your yard.
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1268057_tn?1379102055
Totally agree with AB.  

Why is his son even on YOUR property in this camper?  

You need to establish some real boundaries here.  
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134578_tn?1383690151
Also, you have your own son watching, who you presumably love and want to have a happy, respectful, long-term life with women.  He is learning his male-female role models from you, right now.  Do you really want him to think it is OK to behave reprehensibly to his girlfriend as long as he is lucky enough to find one who will take it in the name of love?  Here is what you are teaching him is OK:  man dumps big, icky, inconsiderate pile on woman and whines and drives off when she complains, she reacts by feeling stressed, not eating, getting sick, wanting to cry, hating her feelings, feeling there is nothing to do, and saying she is about to break.  What she doesn't do is take care of her life, her autonomy, and her child's life and protection.  

Wouldn't you rather have your kid see you as a strong woman who can be relied on to take care of unpleasant things that life dishes out, and who can create a better place for herself and her dependent?  Setting aside for a moment that it might give him a long-term respect for women and a higher standard for happy relationships in the future, don't you think that might make him feel more safe and secure?  

If you can't do this for yourself, do it for your son.  Good luck.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Well I am hoping this has been cleared up. Pretty much if he doesn't change his dad told him he has to move out. He told him he had to start paying him rent. Plus I guess this week he is going to have his phone cut off or have the boy put it in his own name. Things got worse for a few days after his dad talked to him. Jr paid his sister to clean up his mess. He got on FB posting all kinds of lovely things about me, then he blocked me. (-; I guess because I never made the first comment on anything he said. I wanted to, but figured it best to keep my mouth shut!!
The camper is on my property because the bf pays all of the bills. He bought the camper off of me to get the bou out of the house and give him "freedom" away from me. The camper has everything except for a bathroom, well there is no propain for the stove, but there is a microwave and fridge. He claims half of the plug ins don't work. I dont think anyone has been smart enough to check the fuse box. XD when the camper was mine, everything worked. (bf bought it from me to get kid out of house)
It kind of makes me wonder what kind of mom this kid has, because he would rather put up with me than her. (-;
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1268057_tn?1379102055
Seems like you are in a spot if your bf is paying all the bills.  This bf would be more or less calling the shots.  

I don't know.  You and your bf need to be setting timelines and boundaries with this kid in regards to these "changes" you are wanting to see from him.
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