my step son is out of control

I have been in my sons life since he was 5years old, his mother has been in and out of his life and he freaks out when she  leaves. He has to be in the middle of everything his dad and I do and we have no time to our selfs. His problem effects our whole house because he is mean to the other kids and lyes. He is doing bad in school and his grades are lacking. If he dosnt get his way he will start crying and trows a fit till he gets his way. Im stuck in the middle because his dad cannot handle it and feels bad. So we are all effected by his problems. what do I do? how can we help him live normal with out trying to hurt and make our lives so hard?

[littlehill]

Have you tried some type of counseling? It sounds like he's having some behavior issues because he doesn't know how to express how he really is feeling. How old is he?

[allmymarbles]

What is the custody arrangement? If it is joint, the boy may have a hard time adjusting to two different households. Would it be better for the ex-wife to have sole custody, with your husband retaining rights of visitation?