Step Parenting Community
what is too much?
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to step parenting, anger, behavioral issues, chores, communication, discipline, ex- spouses, family gatherings and meetings, family decisions, frustration, fun activities, grandparents and relatives, guilt, rules, stress, and time issues.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

what is too much?

This is kind of an odd situation but I am at a loss. I am 24 years old with a 3 year old daughter. Her father and i have been divorced for most of her life he has had some major addiction issues and I have full custody. My boyfriend and i have been living together for a year now and I am sensing some fear in my daughter when she is with him. He has just recently been more involved in her dicipline for about the last 4 months. She went through a point where I could not get her to stay in bed she would get out every 3 min for hours and i finally had to resort to spanking. Only with her pullup and PJs on and never enough that it would hurt her. Sometimes I work nights and my boyfriend would do this. it took only a week and she olny gets out of bed now if she needs to use the bathroom or is scared. The only other thing that I spank for is when she throws a major fit which doesn't happen for me very often. She hasn't been around men at all other then my boyfriend, and has never been diciplined by anyone but me. When I work night shift if he is home that week... he works out of state.. he will sometimes get up with her to make breakfest and get her ready while I sleep for a few hours. She just started daycare in Jan. and goes 3 days a week and also her father is seeing her with resricted visitation 4 days a month. These are all huge changes for her. When she thinks that I am not around she is great with my boyfriend I have actually gotten up and stayed in my room for 3 hours to see what they were like together and if he was to strict in anyway mean a rough with her. They play she laughs climbs all over with him and they seem to be perfectly normal. As soon a i get up she cries and whines wants nothing to do with him, won't let me put her down and throws fits about everything. When he first gets up with her in the morning she gets in bed with me for about 20 min and we talk and cuddle to start the day. Then when I tell her that he will make breakfest for her and i have to go to sleep she freaks. Screams and cries to the point where we have to tell her shes going to get a spanked if she doesn't stop. I am starting to wonder if this is fear or if this is normal 3 year old behavior for a child that has been through so much. I don't know how to haddle this or what I should be expecting. Ive never had anyone else to help me in parenting her at all and I don't know what is normal. I will never be the person that overlooks any type of abuse and refuses to see it but i have looked at everything and can't find any reason for her to be scared of him.  We plan to  get married soon but this is really freaking me out! Could it just be that she now doesn't have me all to herslef? Or is there something more that I sould be looking for?
Related Discussions
8 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
535822_tn?1413656274
Perhaps stopping all this spanking may be a good start, and certainly your boyfriend should not be spanking her It would be a good idea for you to be with her more especially as she also goes to day care, go with your gut feeling it does sound like there is some fear there., be aware for your daughters sake .
Blank
334776_tn?1249972181
there could be another thing that's not behind you or your bf spanking her at all....i've talked to nearly 15 moms here in the houston area, every single one with no household the same, and they've had "horror" stories like this....come to find out, alot of these children went back to "normal" after being switched to another daycare! i know that sounds wierd, and none of these children even went to the same center, but a few of the children were having particularly hard times with the parent who was around the MOST...aside from "stopping all this spanking" you really might want to find out what's going on in all aspects of her life...if she has no problem when you're NOT around, then you need to kindly nip this in the bud, as when she gets older, it could turn into a "mommy will save me" deal, where bf or stepdad may discipline her, and she will come to you and you will "save her" from a punishment.....also, if you've been living together for a year, this person is NOT a stranger to her.....therefore him disciplining her is not an issue either.....my stepson is somewhat like this(well we're engaged, but i've been around for 4 years, and he is only 5).....and my stepson thinks that if daddy's around, he can ignore me flat out, or "tell" on me.....of course, when his mom and my fiance alerted him to the fact that i am also a "parent" of sorts, then i am also allowed to discipline....this has helped quite a bit. i hate to discipline him, and i don't spank him(for reasons other than not wanting to), but when daddy is around he thinks i'm crazy or he doesnt have to listen......
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Me and my wife had this issue. When my stepson was 5. We have been together for 9 yrs and married 81/2 yrs. he is now 13 and he has been aware for a long time that i am his parent too. I am very involved with the discipline I do not spank him. i also don't get in involved til my wife calls me in. I do make rules and expect him to follow them. I have swatted him in the back of the head and said smarten up.
I believe its just a phase. this behavior with our son only lasted a few months.

Good luck
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Step Parenting Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
469720_tn?1388149949
Blank
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm-treatable... Blank
Oct 04 by Lee Kirksey, MDBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank