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How to get rid of your stress when it's your boyfriends adult son ...
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How to get rid of your stress when it's your boyfriends adult son causing it?

My bfs son is 19. He lives in a camper outside my house. All I ask of him is to clean up after himself. He doesn't think he should have to. My bf is a truck driver so he is never here. Anytime I say anything to him, he says I am putting him in the middle. Jr works in a factory, pays no rent, expects me to buy his food. If I get on to him for something, he goes strait to his dad. If I tell his dad, jr tells me I need to take it up with him. He refuses to wash his dishes, there are grease spots on almost every cabinet door where we has rubbed his knees up against it. I bought a freezer, he broke the lock on it, although he wasn't supposed to be in it. He gets grease all over the fridge. I just scrubbed the kitchen top to bottom a few weeks before he done this. He expects me to drop what I am doing to help him, yet if I ask him to do something that will take 2 minutes, he takes 3 minutes explaining why he can't. The other day I told my son to come in and do his chores. Jr laughed at him and told him he didn't have to do anything around the house. Today I went in their bathroom. When he moved out (only for 2 weeks )-;) I paid $20 to have the bathroom cleaned from top to bottom. Now there is grease all over the shower walls, and there are 2 different intentional designs drawn in the wall and cabinet with grease. I have not told his dad because he is not home, so it will do no good. Won't do any good anyways. The other day I told jr yet again that he needed to clean up after himself, he replys back to "practice what yew preach" yeah he is 19 and cannot spell you. Anyways, I am the ONLY one who cleans the house, noone cleans up after me, so I do not understand his comment. I am stressed, I can't eat, im sick, I want to cry, I hate feeling this way. The easy way to get rid of stress is to get rid of what causes it. Well, unless I get rid of my bf, which I couldn't imagine doing, I do not see any way to get rid of the stress. I feel there is nothing I can do and I am about to break.
7 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_m_tn
sorry to be blunt nut this man has no respect for you or ur home i been in similar experience it will jus get worse tell him ship up or ship out u deserve better
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2136621_tn?1355125587
He needs to catch a wake up personally speaking.
He is 19 and acts like 12....His father also needs to put his foot down with his son...If he has no respect for you, he has no respect for his father and he will continue to do as he pleases. You no longer need to clean up after him and if he does not listen then he must leave...

I think you need to discuss your concerns with your BF and be honest and just say you will NOT be subjected to his Rude Behavior... Best of Luck x
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Avatar_f_tn
sounds like a problem try getting him in the house for sit down meals say prayers at din have him get his own comments in there he sounds like a real piece of work encourage him of what type of girls you would like him to date this might modivate him to clean up when he is ready for it and watch marry poppins with him and your boy over and ove ragain offer to buy him new clothes or take him window shopping at the local mall or dunums or even boomboom cabellas and get  him interested in family events way  way before they happen start talking to him about what kind of christmas lights he wants for his camper and ask him only for an allowence for you from his pay this will prepar him for sharing with a girl friend if and when he finally gets one dont worry your not the devil this is just an awequard moment in time for him and he has a funny way of asking your help just convince yourself he already loves you and roll with it cheer up youll get thru this together as a family or even just passing nieghbors ok
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3060903_tn?1398568723
Before you met your boyfriend were you financially independent?
Is your boyfriend responsible for all the house bills now? It might be more difficult to address, if you bf feels that he has paid his son's way in your home. Of course, it shouldn't matter on iota, as his son must have the same expectations as your son. Not only is it not fair for you to clean up after him, it is grossly unfair for one sibling to have chores, while the other is exempt.

You mentioned that the boy "lives" in the camper, but he seems to be living in the house.  What amenities does the camper have exactly?

Can he not prepare his food and eat it in the camper?
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3060903_tn?1398568723
If it were me, i would tell your boyfriend that it is impossible to get his son to respect the rules of the house, and that is okay. He is of age to live by himself, in his own way. I would be sympathetic to the fact that all people have the right to choose what degree of cleanliness is acceptable.

Your boyfriend needs to buy a trailer that is outfitted with electrical and plumbing so that his son can truly live on his own, he is old enough, and be sympathetic, ALL of you, your son, yourself, and his son, are under undue stress.

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3060903_tn?1398568723
Also, even if your boyfriend paid to have a maid live in, you still cannot abide the mess that the boy makes. Instill that once the change is made, that his son has his own self contained home, that you look forward to having family meals on Sunday's and building a better relationship in the future. Having is own self contained unit is important for this boy so that he can date, also.
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Avatar_f_tn
Well I am hoping this has been cleared up. Pretty much if he doesn't change his dad told him he has to move out. He told him he had to start paying him rent. Plus I guess this week he is going to have his phone cut off or have the boy put it in his own name. Things got worse for a few days after his dad talked to him. Jr paid his sister to clean up his mess. He got on FB posting all kinds of lovely things about me, then he blocked me. (-; I guess because I never made the first comment on anything he said. I wanted to, but figured it best to keep my mouth shut!!
He also claimed that the grease in the bathroom was from him catching himself from falling.
The camper has everything except for a bathroom, well there is no propain for the stove, but there is a microwave and fridge. He claims half of the plug ins don't work. I dont think anyone has been smart enough to check the fuse box. XD when the camper was mine, everything worked. (bf bought it from me to get kid out of house)
It kind of makes me wonder what kind of mom this kid has, because he would rather put up with me than her. (-;
As for before I met him, My son and i lived at home with my parents. I was responsible for everything for me and my son except for house utilities.
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