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I need your help...

Hi, im a 19 year old girl, a type of person who loves to mingle with everyone, meet new friends and attend rave parties. I love that life. But suddenly it all ****** up like my grades went down ive become an irregular student in college which means more effin years till i graduate.  I dont know i seemed lost. I lost focus at everything like i dont know what to do with my life.I feel so alone thats why im trying to fit with everyone else. Maybe it all started out when i knew i was adopted when i was like 14. I was pressured by the idea that i was adopted like everyone my relatives know it while i dont it pressures me in a way that i must be that good girl who must be good at school have a good job. Everyone else keeps an eye on me. I have the idea that i want to prove that i am worth it to my parents thats why i went for engineering for college. But because of all this pressure in my mind it seems that i dont know what to do. I became lost not caring for school, smoke and go to clubs.
Things have changed lately i became unsociable no more parties no more jammings and its like i dont have interest in school at all like im absent most of the time and just lay on my bed and be alone. And i get tired of getting along with everyone like i want to be alone. I have loving parents and i know they will do everything for me but i just feel different from everyone now. And i never attempted to commit suicide or whatever it sounds stupid its like it will not solve any of your problems. Now my question is what will i do? It seems all is ****** up with school especially its like my future. How will i cope up and motivate myself to go on with my life? And should i stay away from my college friendsfor my sake? Becaude i think its diffrnt from my friends back in highschool. They dont care at all like they are there only for good times, they are the people ive been with in my college years should i be alone and focus in my studies?
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4851940_tn?1385441629
You have some unresolved issues with regard to being adopted and I suggest you make an appointment to see your doctor to refer you to specialist counselling.

Everyone, whether adopted or nor, goes through life with some issues.  
At this moment in time, I feel that you need the help of your doctor and support from your parents and any loyal friends that you have as what you have written about how you are feeling sounds like you have depression.
( I am not a doctor, and you will need to be medically assessed).

Those "friends" that are out to partying and drug taking all the time are not your true friends.

Because you feel so low and have lost interest in what you did care for, I feel that you are suffering from depression and your doctor will help you with that either through short term anti-depressants and/or specialist counselling.

Do not give up on yourself.  

It is fine to party occasionally (do not take any form of recreational drugs, smoke or drink excessively).  Drinking alcohol will make you feel much worse in the long run as well as damage your brain cells.  If you feel you may succumb to temptation with regard to alcohol and drug taking, then it would be wise to avoid the parties.

Do not dwell on what has happened, make the first move by seeing your doctor for help.  Talk with your parents about any issues as your perception of what you think is expected from you will not make them love you any less or more.  They chose to adopt you and love and will love you  regardless whether you become an engineer, a shop assistant or a cleaner.  But they will be very hurt and sad if you fall into the trap of drug taking and giving up on your life.

You can still focus on your studies and have some time for fun every now and then.  

Go out for walks and do any type of physical exercise that you like as this will help to boost up your moods.  Do keep in touch with friends and do not be pressured into going to parties and taking drugs.

Missing out on school or college studies, spending a lot of time clubbing, partying and taking drugs will NOT help you.  You have done that and experienced it all, leave that behind you and start to take control of your life by seeking medical help to move forward.

Keep a diary of how you feel every day.  Also keep a note to see if your mood swings are at their worst around 10 days before your periods are due as during that time it is very common to feel very low too.  A good healthy and well balanced diet will help with Evening Primrose oil.  Make sure that you drink plenty of fluids (not alcohol) so as not to get dehydrated (about 2 litres a day is recommended)

But do make an appointment to see your doctor because at this moment in time, you do need some external help (meaning you will not be able to shake of how you feel on your own).

Best wishes.



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I too was adopted and I found out when I was 6 years old.  My mother bridged the conversation with kids gloves and kindly said that "because she could not have a baby, some other lady had one for her".  That worked then, but as I got older I couldn't imagine anyone having a baby and giving it up for adoption.  The thought, "who does something like that" played over in my head a million times.  It brought about a good deal of anger because I began to feel as if I was born "unwanted".  That's a difficult thing to try to explain to people who were not adopted.  They don't understand, because people like you and I ended up in a great, warm, loving family.... but whats missing is a connection.

Later yet, I began to understand a little more.  Perhaps my birth mother was in no position to raise a child.  Maybe she was homeless, jobless, out on her own.  Maybe she was far too young or perhaps too old.  The fact is, I undoubtedly ended up in a better position, but it doesn't really make "what's missing" a whole bunch better.  But, I've learned to accept what I cannot change.  I understand that any change I may want might be something I am really not okay with.  

Advice I'd give to you is, first... see a therapist with your concerns and ideas on the subject.  It does sound as if you haven't had the ability to put that in a safe spot.  Believe me, I understand.  Therapists have a way to better help us understand what we don't.  It might take a while, but it is worth the investment in time and or money, if you ask me.

Secondly, I would like to point out that all of these issues in front of you are all separate issues.  Maybe it all boils down to how you have/have not digested the adoption issue, but each subsequent issue is another issue all together.  Deal with the adoption issue first and you'll be equipped to deal with the other issues.  (I'm no doctor or therapist, but the other issues (clubbing, new friends) seem to be a result of wanting acceptance... speak to your health care professional)

Lastly, the things you are doing now will have an impact on your life later.  It can go 100 different directions from here, but the good news is you can control all of it.  If it were me and I had the chance at school, I'd focus on school work first.  Primarily because it will impact your future, secondly because either you or your parents are paying for it.  Things like friends?  Yeah, they're important and friends will come and go through life.  College is one of those things where we are supposed to spread our wings and live a little, however the caveat is, this is adulthood.  Now there are responsibilities, just like in the real life.

An idea that will allow you to socialize but perhaps stay in a healthier environment than the clubs might be on campus clubs.  There is probably a club for almost anything and some of it may directly correspond with school, so it would be like killing one bird with two stones.

Oh, before I go.  You mentioned suicide, and never contemplating it.  Good.  Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  Everything can be worked out.  It may take time, but that time can be used learning so much about yourself, your condition and becoming an expert at YOUR life.

I'd be glad to help and or listen in private if you wish....
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