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Why did I do it? My anxiety is so bad i need help?
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Why did I do it? My anxiety is so bad i need help?

Long story short I got drunk and ended up with a street worker my friend hired. I am imagining I have every std and go out for drives so that I can cry alone. What hurts the most is this may end my 17 year marriage. My wife and I were virgins when we got married. We were married at 22 so if I catch any STD it will be obvious. We dated since grade school. I am ashamed and sick about this. My skin has hives, I have pinched skin sensations, soar throat, dry mouth, oversensitive skin. I can't sleep well, dizziness, loss of appetite, upset stomach and loss of focus. At this time i feel like it would be easier to die than tell her what i did. She always warned me if i cheated it would be over. I have no excuse for my actions. I am so angry at myself. If I tell her is it for me to feel better or because it's the right thing. This is starting to become an obsession that is leading to deep depression. Sorry i know it's alot to digest but any advice for me?
4 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
I Know a lot about anxiety, And i know it can cause a lot of what your going through and 17 years that's a long time so far to be married, I think you should go to doctor and get checked out, Anxiety doesn't just go away it just gets worse maybe it would ease a little if you know for a fact you don't have an STD. Secondly TIME as far away from the day you did this the better! Unless you think she would understand, But in my experience there I forgave him and stayed with him but the trust I never could gain back. Hope this helps.
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh man... Sorry to hear this.  I have anxiety issues so this popped up on my profile.  Do you mean street walker?  As in prostitute im assuming.  Well scaredstraight000... I am not sure why after 17 years of marriage you would decide to cheat, none the less with a hooker.  But whats done is done right.  And you obviously are very upset about your choice.  

First and foremost before anything else you need to see a doctor and get tested.  It doesnt matter if you are scared or worried or embarrassed.  It is the right thing to do.  Everyone gets checked no matter what your actions are and its just the safe thing to do, doctors dont care about your personal life.  You need to explain the situation to your doctor, even find a different doctor one you dont know if that makes you feel better but you NEED to do it.  And do NOT have sexual contact with your wife until you do.  Cheating is one thing but giving her a disease because of your actions is something of a different level.  Once you have been checked and find out what the situation is man up and fix it.  Take meds, get treatment for what ever you have.  Fix it.  Hopefully you dont have anything though.  Your nerves may possibly be giving you physical symptoms.  

Once you have your health situation under control you can deal with what you think you should do about telling your wife.  As a woman, my suggestion to you is to not lead with I was really drunk.  No excuse, I have been cheated on and they do not care to hear that you were really drunk causing you to cheat.  People cheat because something is lacking in their relationship.  Be it sex, excitement, communication.  And sometimes life just loses us for a moment.  Whether you want to tell her it was a hooker or not I cahttp://www.medhelp.org/personal_pages/my_home?personal_page_id=2956173&user_app_type=MyQuestionsnt say.  

I hope everything works out for you.  Everyone makes mistakes and anything can be fixed if two people are willing to.  Good luck and stay safe!
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Avatar_m_tn
I want to thank everyone here thus far for the support they have shown me. I reached a point in my life that I can no longer look at myself in a mirror. I did not like what I saw. In order to fix that I needed to talk to my wife and without too much detail tell her what I had done. My marriage is fractured but hanging by a thread. I know you all are not counselors but maybe this will serve another family man somehow. Don't do it it’s not worth it! You are playing with your health, your marriage and your future no matter how low risk you think it may be.  It isn’t worth it in my mind!  At this time I am still unsure of my STD status but I no longer care. I have not slept with my wife so my actions are my own at this time in that regard. If I find I have anything I will disclose it to her.  I know this is low risk for any STD's but my conscience and ability to live with myself see this as high risk. Telling her last night and seeing her heart break in front of me as her first kiss, her first love hurt her is the punishment i take to my grave. I have promised her if she left me there is no need to for financial concern its the least i could do. I am sure thats the last thing in her mind but I am still a good man and father. I just have to pick up the broken parts of myself.
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Avatar_m_tn
For the past 2 evenings I have thought my own death. I was selfish and made a terrible mistake. I hurt my wife and my kids. I am on my knees begging my wife not leave me. If she doesn't take me back I am considering what I will do and harming myself keeps coming to mind. Last night thats all I dreamt  of but I dont want to do that to my kids. I have set up a theropy session tomorrow. Alas that wont fix my marriage but I hope it will fix me. I told my wife that something is broken in me. I have a great life and I threw it away. Please dont be mean be mean to me in your responces I have already take all I can take from myself. I hate my own skin and wish I would just have a heart attack. Any words of encouragement?
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