just need a friend

Ever since i was 17(im now 24) ive been dealing with alot. My mom has been sick as ling as i can remember growung up. I mean kidney stones and failure brain tumors multiple sclerosis arterial priblems diabetes ive watchedvmy mom go through hell surgery after surgery wound care amputation 3 times and now its my dad with sickness n amputations. They say they want me to finish college n have a career but i am crushed watching them hurt n struggle all the time. I cant not help i always have helped i feel like im stuck in a hole n theres no way to help them this time im breaking down.

[kickanxietysbutt]

Hi Kris,

I'm so sorry to hear you have gone through so much with your parents' health.  I lost my dad to cancer and I wanted to spend all the time I could with my dad taking care of him because I knew our time was limited.  However, I definitely think you do need to take care of yourself, too.  My dad was terminal and I knew that, so for me, my quitting school was just temporary.  I think your parents have your best interest at heart and know that you need to live your life, even while caring for them.  Can I ask how old your parents are?  The only reason I ask is because Medicare often covers some in-home help.  Do your parents have any family or friends who are able to help them out and drop in from time to time to see how they are doing while you are at school?  Also, have you considered talking to a therapist while you go through this?  Or a support group?  All I wanted when my dad was sick was to talk with someone who understood what I was going through, but at my age, not many people had lost parents.  I'm guessing you probably feel similar, like nobody understands, because your friends have probably never been in a similar situation.  That's why I think a support group, therapist, or even a friend could be very beneficial.  Also, your parents' doctors may have some suggestions on how to help care for them.  I wish you the best and I'm sorry you're going through this!

[krisj11]

Both my parents are 49 they dont have friends really n my family got into a fight in 2009 when my grandma died. Just hard my friends see my life but dint understand. My whole teen years were spent at home with family i dont find alot of joy or experience in what other people did normalky in those yeaes. My dad lost his job again today cuz of illness only income is my moms sicial security n i sold my car to pay the house payment last month i duunno what to do next

[kickanxietysbutt]

I've been sitting here not having a clue as to what to say at this point for a while now, you are so young and have gone through so much.  I thought the situation was more about your parents' care, but it sounds like your family is suffering financially as well.  I spent several years working for the government, but at the City level, but I do know a little bit about government assistance.  I am not sure what your parents have or have not done in regards to their financial situation, and I don't want to sound like I'm telling you what to do, I just want to help.  So, with that, the first thing I would do is make sure your father files for unemployment, as he lost his job he certainly should qualify.  It sounds like he should also qualify for disability, since he lost his job due to medical reasons.  He will be assigned a County caseworker for the disability process, who may be a very good resource to your family.  The process can take a few months, so in the meantime, you may want to reach out to your County's financial assistance office, let them know your family's situation, and see what guidance they can offer.  Counties also have several programs available to low-income families, or even ones in need of emergency assistance to help pay utility bills, etc.  Your family may also qualify for food assistance.  The County should be able to refer you to the most appropriate person to discuss your situation with, who will then be able to inform you of other programs available and contacts.  Since your mom is on Social Security, I would also contact the Social Security office, which I will tell you right now may not be a fast process, as they sometimes make you schedule an appointment just to talk to someone on the phone.  However, since she is on Social Security, she should be able to utilize Medicare benefits that could get you some help with her care.  

My last suggestion is that you might try reaching out to different organizations related to your parents' ailments.  You mentioned your mom has MS.  When my dad had cancer the American Cancer Society was an excellent resource for my parents; my dad needed shots that cost $3,000 per month, which my parents didn't have, and the Cancer Society referred them to a non-profit agency that covered the entire cost.  So, maybe places like the MS Society, etc. may be able to provide some guidance in regards to her care.  

I sure wish that I could help you more!  I will keep your family in my prayers.

[krisj11]

Your helping more than you know. Its nice having someone who understands thanks so much ill look into all that any little bit will help. Im sorry about ur dad.

[dboldman]

Kris, I am sure that what would make your parents happy is to see you suceed and have a life of your own. They completly understand your desire to solve their problems and make them go away. Thats what makes you the special person that you are. Make them proud, graduate college and help where and when you can. They will understand your own need to grow and will watch with gerat happiness. Prayer works for me during tough times, it gives me someone to talk to. You will do fine, relax along the way, putting to much burden on yourself is very hard on the mind and body. I hope it all works out.