Greetings inquisitive one;
I suffered a right frontal stroke. It took place in the front center, and I never knew knew it for almost six months. It changed my personality so dramatically that I lost my marriage, my home, my 2 businesses and most of my friends in less than 2 months. Apparently, I lost whatever gave value to everything that I had ever learned and experienced, or whatever emotional connection I once had held. Any religious, cultural, racial, moral, or social belief systems I once held, have been deleted from my brain. After all of the chaos, I tried to turn towards different faiths that I had once practiced and studied for years, and it all meant nothing to me.It seemed like a real waste of time. Although this stroke displayed no apparent physiological anomalies, It removed from me who and what I was. Now, I am so different from my own species that don't even know how to socially and acceptably interact with them. I remain isolated day after day, week after week, year after year and have been unable to establish any new friendships. I have no body clock to keep me established on a regular routine. I never am hungry and only eat a good meal once a day because I know that I have to. No kind of food ever sounds good to me. I have no complexes or inhibitions that I can recognize, as I seem to have lost them all, and although I don't lie, cheat, steal, cause harm, or display signs of aggression, people regard me a confrontational because I seem to behave indifferently or too analytically towards everything. Does this mean that I have to live out the rest of my life as a pariah of society? What am I supposed to do? I have so many skills and talents, but no one to share them with. I am classified as permanently disabled and live off of my Veterans disability pension and seem to be serving out the rest of my life like a prison sentence and I don't even have a criminal record.
I've seen doctors, but their only solution is medication, of which it was Lexapro that I was taking which caused this to happen in the first place, so I'm a bit reluctant to say the least.
On the brighter side of things, I seem to have developed some perceptual abilities that are eerily uncanny. I wish I could explain it to somebody, but I have no one to talk to. I have spoken with psychologists and even a psychiatrist once but I don't seem to apply to what they are taught in medical school because I am presently rewired differently and there seem to be no manuals on cases such as myself.
I am open to tangible suggestions, should any even exist.
Be kind to yourselves. Ron
It is a shame that it took so long to get a diagnosis. Even though I did not have a stroke, I can relate to that - and I am also on long term disability. It is very isolating.
When you saw psychiatrists - was any of them a neuro-psych? If you have access to one of them, they might have a bit more training to help you a bit more without just tossing pills (and the wrong pills) your way.
There is, I believe, a stroke forum here. This should by rights belong there if not neurology. http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Stroke/show/62 Why not post there and answer questions? Help out? I have tried to help others not be me - and hopefully help their quality of life.
Re loss of belief systems - was that related to the area where the stroke effected?
Yes, in fact, the bleed took place in the same area that they used to lobotomize people. Ironically, I seem to be self lobotomized. The disassociation I have with emotional connections towards people, and all of my past events prior to the strike are a result of the bleed that took place and the damage that followed.
Thank you for your insight, I will post this on your suggested site.
Thank you again, Ron
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