Do we tell stroke patients about their stroke and his condition unable to speak or walk? Or leave it for him to find out?

[dayanarrr]

Me and my family have no experience dealing with stroke patients. My grandpa had stroke only a couple of weeks ago. He's now still in the hospital to be treated for his pneumonia. I'm now sleeping with him at the hospital because I can't bear the feeling of leaving him in the hospital. He's sleeping most of the time, and can't even begin any form of therapy because he sleeps even when standing up. Is that normal? The therapist is very young, and she said there's another elderly just like my grandpa before, but added, "At least he doesn't fall asleep when standing up like this.". I felt sad. Does that mean my grandpa's condition is worse? :(

And one more question : Last night and tonight, I realized he was trying to speak, trying to say something but no words came out. He tried again and again but to no avail. Then he looked really sad. I've read about depression after stroke. Is there anything we can do to not make him depressed? Should we explain to him that he had had a stroke and can't talk, but will be able to soon? Or is it better to leave it for himself to figure out that he can't talk? I tried to google for some advice but found none that says whether or not I should tell the patient about him having stroke or anything like that. He's still trying to speak from time to time, but only come out like a low growl. I had to fight back tears every time he does that.

Any advice would be very much appreciated. It breaks my heart to see him like this :(

[dayanarrr]

Thank you for your reply, really appreciate it.

Yes, my grandpa can understand most of the things we say - he nods and shakes his head in reply to everything. One time, he pointed to the wall but we couldn't understand what he was trying to say, then after trying to say something but failed, he looked frustrated. Poor grandpa :(  And last night when I was sitting at his bedside, I saw him testing out his own vision - winking his right eye, then winking his left eye, as if he's testing whether both eyes can see clearly or not. I wanted to tell him what the doc said about his whole right side (including the eye) but I don't have the strength just yet - don't want him to see me cry. I just told him to be strong, get lots of sleep, and this Monday we'll try do some 'exercise' for his legs so he can walk again. He nodded. I didn't have the heart to mention the word "stroke" because it might upset him so bad. :( But now after reading your reply, I'm thinking of discussing this with other family members and perhaps maybe they can also help me tell grandpa about his stroke and condition - and not just leave this for me to do on my own. It's just the matter of whether or not they will agree with my idea to tell grandpa about his stroke.

And just letting you know the update about his sleeping : Today I told his neurologist about him being awake most of the time at midnight, and sleeps during the day even when standing up - she said she will see how it goes for a few more days and if he still wakes up at night she will try give him some medication to make him sleep so he'll be awake during the day to do therapy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hopefully it'll work and he'll be able to start some form of therapy soon.

Thanks again for your kind reply, it's a great relief to have found this online community to share my questions and worries. Since grandpa got sick, I didn't have time to sit with my family to talk things or express feelings and what not because I'm with grandpa most of the time. Am typing this from his room in the hospital.

God bless you. Take care

[idaho_ty]

Speaking from family experience (my grandpa), work experience (I'm a Medical Assistant in a Neurology clinic), and school experience (senior majoring in Neuroscience), I know how hard it can be to see a loved one go through something like this. I feel for you and your family. Strokes are extremely hard things because they really can cause so much damage.

Now, to try and answer your questions. Also, please realize I'm not a healthcare provider, so take my answers as my opinion that I have after my studying and personal experience. It is possible to have a stroke in any part of your brain. With regards to your first question, your grandpa's symptoms will go along with where the location of the stroke is. Him sleeping even when standing may be cause because of the trauma that his brain has gone through. It may just be because his brain is literally exhausted. It also may mean that the center in his brain that controls his sleeping may have been an area where the stroke was. Since the majority of strokes happen in a place that is basically a super highway of neurons coming from many places of the brain, many different systems can be effected by even a small stroke. Is your grandpa worse than the other person who had a stroke? Not necessarily. It's just the difference of where the stroke happened.

Regarding his speaking. Same answer could go here. Just because he cannot speak, does not mean that he cannot understand speach. There are two totally different centers in the brain that control these two functions. He might also be able to think clearly at this point too, even if he cannot control his body well or talk. He also may be very confused about where he is, what is going on, and how bad it is. My grandpa was always very confused after his strokes (he's had three I think). In my opinion, if I were in his shoes and was able to think but not able to express myself, I would hope someone would tell me what is going on. I would tell your grandpa, and explain (very calmly with a happy face) that he's had a stroke but they are doing everything that they can to help him. And yes, it is extremely possible that he might regain the ability to speak. So tell him not to worry, just get rest. Let him know that you are there for him and that you love him. If he can understand, he'll be grateful you are there. If he can't understand, no harm done.

I wish your grandpa and you the best. Keep your head up!