Aa
mood changes
my mom had a stroke march 2010 she was a healthy person and was a devoted christian, but now she will find any reason to be sick she will have at least 20 diffrent disease and pains within 1 hour she has recoverd physically but mentally does this ever get better or should we be doing somethin else please help
Hi julskovac,
Any type of brain trauma is going to make some type of personality change. The brain has to re-wire itself, so the old you does become a "new" you. The only reason I say this is because the doctors said your husband has a "flat affect" and that sounds like it will be like that forever, but that is not true at all. I don't know why doctors seem to always give grim news, just like mine did, but not understanding the amazing things that the brain can do to heal itself. I am glad you have the faith for him to recover, because he will.
As far as playing guitar goes, it has come back to me, but has taken awhile and I still have a long way to go. At first I was afraid of my guitar. I stayed away from it for a long time because I didn't want to pick it up and not be able to play. I thought the hurt of that would just kill me. One day I finally got the strength to pick it up and I shocked myself that my fingers went right where they were supposed to go and I could remember basic chords and play them. The problem was I could not remember any songs, NONE. I played by ear and I never wrote anything down. Hundreds of songs I knew where gone and I couldn't play with the radio or cd's like I used to because they all sounded like mush. I couldn't hear a major chord from a minor chord.
Well the good news is that I had some hope. I could still remember and play chords, so I was ahead of the game. So I just started figuring out, one song at a time, and re-learned them. I am up to about 12 songs I can play by ear again and now I write everything down (ha ha!). So yes, your husband can play his guitar again. My only advice to him is to not be frustrated if you can't play like you used to right away. My own frustration was a distraction to my goal of playing again. Take it slow and understand that you are a different person now and that is not a bad thing at all. I sure don't take my guitar playing for granted any more.
One other thing is his emotions will come back too. Don't believe any negativity about his condition. I have told to all of my stroke survivor friends that the only doctor who really knows anything about stroke recovery is a doctor that had one. I wish you well and let me know how the guitar playing goes with your husband. I will help if I can.
God Bless,
Tim
Any type of brain trauma is going to make some type of personality change. The brain has to re-wire itself, so the old you does become a "new" you. The only reason I say this is because the doctors said your husband has a "flat affect" and that sounds like it will be like that forever, but that is not true at all. I don't know why doctors seem to always give grim news, just like mine did, but not understanding the amazing things that the brain can do to heal itself. I am glad you have the faith for him to recover, because he will.
As far as playing guitar goes, it has come back to me, but has taken awhile and I still have a long way to go. At first I was afraid of my guitar. I stayed away from it for a long time because I didn't want to pick it up and not be able to play. I thought the hurt of that would just kill me. One day I finally got the strength to pick it up and I shocked myself that my fingers went right where they were supposed to go and I could remember basic chords and play them. The problem was I could not remember any songs, NONE. I played by ear and I never wrote anything down. Hundreds of songs I knew where gone and I couldn't play with the radio or cd's like I used to because they all sounded like mush. I couldn't hear a major chord from a minor chord.
Well the good news is that I had some hope. I could still remember and play chords, so I was ahead of the game. So I just started figuring out, one song at a time, and re-learned them. I am up to about 12 songs I can play by ear again and now I write everything down (ha ha!). So yes, your husband can play his guitar again. My only advice to him is to not be frustrated if you can't play like you used to right away. My own frustration was a distraction to my goal of playing again. Take it slow and understand that you are a different person now and that is not a bad thing at all. I sure don't take my guitar playing for granted any more.
One other thing is his emotions will come back too. Don't believe any negativity about his condition. I have told to all of my stroke survivor friends that the only doctor who really knows anything about stroke recovery is a doctor that had one. I wish you well and let me know how the guitar playing goes with your husband. I will help if I can.
God Bless,
Tim
Hi, I was reading this post regarding your stroke recovery. My husband is 56 and had and aneurysm which was hemmoraging and was clipped with brain surgery. Physically he is doing very well except that he is very weak. Mentally they believe he has "flat affect" - no emotion. What I wanted to ask is - my husband loved to play the guitar. It is his great passion. I noticed in the reply to this post you said you played guitar but couldn't after the stroke. Can you play now? Did you have to re-learn? I have total faith that my husband will recover in time but my hope is that he can continue to pursue his passion.
Thank you for writing back. The more information you give here, the more I can try and help. I will say again, all of the things that are happening to her are normal after a stroke, so first try to let her know that she is not all alone and think no one understands. There all millions of us in the world that have been through the same thing and understand and want to help other stroke survivors.
You said she is afraid to sleep. Well, so was I and I think everyone that ever had a stroke felt that way too. It is something that happens to your brain, the fear and confusion. But I would like to assure her that she is not going to die when she is sleeping. As a matter of fact, sleep is the number one thing she needs to start to get better. Our brain's heal themselves after a stroke and most of the healing happens when we sleep. Our brain never sleeps and needs to use all of its energy to heal. When there are the distractions that happen when we are awake it is working too hard. Sleep is so important. I would also try to ease her mind that there is no problem with taking blood thinners. I am on aspirin and fish oil and there is no danger of myself bleeding to death. She needs to take her blood thinning medications. If she doesn't like medications, at least aspirin and fish oil are harmless enough, she should know.
Get some relief for yourself also. A stroke effects the whole family, so there are hundreds of emotions on either side. If you need to leave for awhile to get away, then do it. She will be fine with out you for a time, I promise you that. You need to make sure you are feeling good too. The whole experience is very hard for everyone involved, but you will get through it. Try to be as patient as possible with her and I feel she will take a big step real soon.
If she can't sleep at night, just let her sleep whenever she can because sleep is so important to her right now. She may just need to sleep during the day if that works for her. There is nothing really "normal" right now, so well all have to try and adjust.
I hope to talk to soon. Hang in there :-)
God Bless,
Tim
You said she is afraid to sleep. Well, so was I and I think everyone that ever had a stroke felt that way too. It is something that happens to your brain, the fear and confusion. But I would like to assure her that she is not going to die when she is sleeping. As a matter of fact, sleep is the number one thing she needs to start to get better. Our brain's heal themselves after a stroke and most of the healing happens when we sleep. Our brain never sleeps and needs to use all of its energy to heal. When there are the distractions that happen when we are awake it is working too hard. Sleep is so important. I would also try to ease her mind that there is no problem with taking blood thinners. I am on aspirin and fish oil and there is no danger of myself bleeding to death. She needs to take her blood thinning medications. If she doesn't like medications, at least aspirin and fish oil are harmless enough, she should know.
Get some relief for yourself also. A stroke effects the whole family, so there are hundreds of emotions on either side. If you need to leave for awhile to get away, then do it. She will be fine with out you for a time, I promise you that. You need to make sure you are feeling good too. The whole experience is very hard for everyone involved, but you will get through it. Try to be as patient as possible with her and I feel she will take a big step real soon.
If she can't sleep at night, just let her sleep whenever she can because sleep is so important to her right now. She may just need to sleep during the day if that works for her. There is nothing really "normal" right now, so well all have to try and adjust.
I hope to talk to soon. Hang in there :-)
God Bless,
Tim
thanks for all the advice, it feels great to hear it from someone who has been there. You sound like a very srtong person and i know you will continue to get stronger. its hard to see my mom suffer with the anxiety and depression cause i love her so much and when it hits her it hits her bad she gets this scared look in her eyes and has all of us running around trying to calm her down. as far as her sleep she is scared to sleep she thinks if she sleeps her pulse and bloodpressure will go down and she wont wake up, so when shes up we are all up. we have made her an appt with the counselor so she can talk to someone we will continue to help and take care of her she has always been the glue that kept are family togather and its hard. i never question god and i think everything happens for a reason and one day we will look back and know what that something is but until then we will press on. we make her do thearpy at home everyday she hates it at times and sometimes refuses to take her medications but it just depends on how she wakes up that day do you have problems with your vision she says she doesnt but tends to bump into everything with her left side. are you on blood thinners she is and is so scared that she will bleed to death if she bites her lip she wants us to take her to the emergency. again thanks for the advice and we will be praying for you and your wife
Baseball,
Please do not be too quick to judge your mother's condition. I too had a stroke in Jan. 2010 only a few months before your mom. I will tell you that a year is just in baby steps when talking to stroke recovery. I would like to give you some of my experiences since my stroke to help you give some respective into what she may be going through.
Her moods are normal, please do not think it is "an excuse." You have to understand that a stroke is a trauma to someone's brain. The brain where the stroke happened is dead and will not come back. In my case, I have a huge black spot in the left side of my brain that can be seem on CAT pics. The amazing thing is that the brain re-wires itself around the dead part and tries to get itself as back as normal as it can. Every stroke is different to each person and recovery times are also different to each person.
I could not read or write for 4 months and thought my life was over, but it came back slowly, so there is progress everyday; very slow, but progress. You also may not understand that she is afraid and confused, I am sure she is. She is different now. You have to understand that and she has to understand that too. There is no "going back to the way it was." Her brain is different now, just like mine is. I think of things differently now and look at the world differently and that is not necessarily a bad thing. When I had to understand that I was different now and my wife understood that, then we moved forward to get to stroke recovery. The past is gone and only the future is before us.
Does your mother have any stroke survivors that she can talk to? It is so hard for people that did not have a stroke to understand the people that have. I can give a few examples. I cried all of the time for no reason, I started having nightmares, I got a left side shoulder that would not go away, aphasia (opposite talking and thinking - like he's are she's, etc.) sleeping patterns were erratic, not wanting to talk to people, hating confusing noise (radio, tv, or a group of people talking) I am a guitar player and could not play, how depressing was that? These are just some of the things that are common the stroke survivors that others and even doctors do not understand.
The best thing you can do for your mother is understanding and a hug. She is different now and you have to embrace. She will recovery day by day, not as quick as we want, but it will happen, I promise you that. My recovery for me started when I talked to other stroke survivors. Our doctors and loved ones don't understand what is happening to ourselves, but stroke survivors do. I would love to communicate with your mother if she would like. There is no shame in a stroke. It can happen to anyone at anytime.
I noticed your mother is a devoted Christian. I would like you to tell her something from me.
Right after my stroke, I was afraid and confused. I cried to God to help me and could think of his name. My stroke took away all my memory and thought for hours, what is your name, what is your name? A word so simple as "Jesus" I had known from birth was gone in an instant. So I prayed to "whoever you are, you know who you are, please help me," and he/she did help me. It took a long time and I am not "normal" now, but my stroke made me a better person than I was before.
Please give your mother some space to try and understand what happened to her. Sleep and water are very important and compassion from her friends and loved ones are essential.
God Bless,
Tim
Please do not be too quick to judge your mother's condition. I too had a stroke in Jan. 2010 only a few months before your mom. I will tell you that a year is just in baby steps when talking to stroke recovery. I would like to give you some of my experiences since my stroke to help you give some respective into what she may be going through.
Her moods are normal, please do not think it is "an excuse." You have to understand that a stroke is a trauma to someone's brain. The brain where the stroke happened is dead and will not come back. In my case, I have a huge black spot in the left side of my brain that can be seem on CAT pics. The amazing thing is that the brain re-wires itself around the dead part and tries to get itself as back as normal as it can. Every stroke is different to each person and recovery times are also different to each person.
I could not read or write for 4 months and thought my life was over, but it came back slowly, so there is progress everyday; very slow, but progress. You also may not understand that she is afraid and confused, I am sure she is. She is different now. You have to understand that and she has to understand that too. There is no "going back to the way it was." Her brain is different now, just like mine is. I think of things differently now and look at the world differently and that is not necessarily a bad thing. When I had to understand that I was different now and my wife understood that, then we moved forward to get to stroke recovery. The past is gone and only the future is before us.
Does your mother have any stroke survivors that she can talk to? It is so hard for people that did not have a stroke to understand the people that have. I can give a few examples. I cried all of the time for no reason, I started having nightmares, I got a left side shoulder that would not go away, aphasia (opposite talking and thinking - like he's are she's, etc.) sleeping patterns were erratic, not wanting to talk to people, hating confusing noise (radio, tv, or a group of people talking) I am a guitar player and could not play, how depressing was that? These are just some of the things that are common the stroke survivors that others and even doctors do not understand.
The best thing you can do for your mother is understanding and a hug. She is different now and you have to embrace. She will recovery day by day, not as quick as we want, but it will happen, I promise you that. My recovery for me started when I talked to other stroke survivors. Our doctors and loved ones don't understand what is happening to ourselves, but stroke survivors do. I would love to communicate with your mother if she would like. There is no shame in a stroke. It can happen to anyone at anytime.
I noticed your mother is a devoted Christian. I would like you to tell her something from me.
Right after my stroke, I was afraid and confused. I cried to God to help me and could think of his name. My stroke took away all my memory and thought for hours, what is your name, what is your name? A word so simple as "Jesus" I had known from birth was gone in an instant. So I prayed to "whoever you are, you know who you are, please help me," and he/she did help me. It took a long time and I am not "normal" now, but my stroke made me a better person than I was before.
Please give your mother some space to try and understand what happened to her. Sleep and water are very important and compassion from her friends and loved ones are essential.
God Bless,
Tim
Have you tired councling. You mom may be having major fear about her health and it is manafesting in this way. Having a really good therapist to talk to may help her understand and come to terms with her fear and any other issues she is feeling due to her illness. I had set my son up with a councler to deal with issues after an injury, it helped him a lot.
Best of luck to you and my prayers are with your mom and your family.
Best of luck to you and my prayers are with your mom and your family.
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