So, some may not consider this a big deal. But, to me it is so, I thought I'd share.
If anyone's ever read my post you know most of my "history" for those who haven't, here's the short story.
Abused by my father, kicked out, married a wonderful man, had a baby...confronted my father about abuse, he denied everything...mother calls me liar, aunt thinks I'm in a cult, brothers talk to me but in secret (they're younger and still rely on parents for finances in college) So, tried to go to therapy with mom only...she refuses to have a relationship with me unless father is involved, which I won't agree to. Been in therapy by myself, told I have a past history of PTSD. Which basically means I had started learning to cope with things on my own even before I started therapy.
So, here I am today and happy to say. I feel really great about the way things are in my life. I've finally accepted the fact that I cannot change my mother's thoughts or feelings but only my own. I no longer am consumed by guilt for "abandoning" my mother. Which I now realize was a warped thought on my part anyway. I've become very content and happy for what I do have. A fantastic husband, two beautiful girls,(and another baby on the way!!) I no longer get anxious and frightened when I see a man resembling my father. I answer my door even though I don't have a peep-hole. (I used to be afraid it would be my mom or dad) Although, I miss my family (parents) I know I've done what's best for me and my family now. And that gives me an amazing amount of peace and comfort everyday.
So, even though it may seem a small success to some. To me, it's opened up an amazing new world in which I can be myself and allow others to see me for the amazing person I am and not for the little girl who had her innocence stolen. I still have my moments of depression but, no longer are they so deep I can't see the light of day. And they're becoming fewer and far between with each day that passes!