My first baby died suddenly in 1995 at 8 weeks

My second was classed as stillborn a year later. My third I miscarried at 14 weeks. followed by two more miscarriages.
I now have a gorgoeous 4, nearly 5 year old boy, who is a shiny star. He has saved my life, however it does not, and one cannot expect him to, take away my previous pain. After al,l I lost all his siblings still. He is tho', a light along side my suffering. I have never fully recovered mentally, and probably never will. Having my son now, brought up terrible PTSD, expecting him to die every moment. This has affected me physically too, as I have too much adrenaline in my body, and my nervous system is hyper-sensitive.
The mistake I made is in hiding my grief when I moved to a new town, which is why I am writing on here now. Grieving a child is isolating enough! No one can EVER know the pain that we feel.
I was afraid of being overly indulgent, and bringing people down/ driving them away. Now |I realise we cannot hide who we are, and we cannot deny our lost childrens existence.
To all you ladies out there, my heart goes out to you, and our babies/ angels x

[ku111]

I am so sorry for the losses!  You are right, no one can run or hide too long with the loss of a child.  This is real and they will forever be a part of the history and memories in your life.  Makes you really appreciate your son I am sure!  You will be of great help to people that experience these painful losses on this forum.  People who have experienced this type of loss are the best to understand how others feel.  ((hugs))

[TLovable976]

I lost my 2 child at 8 weeks in 1995 born Nov 26,1995 for about 10 ys i havent thought about him but for some reason tonight im really crying uncontrollable everything keeps flashing in my head i kinda feel like i've thrown him to the side..I just have all kinds of emotions going on..I was young when i had him so i really didnt have much time to greive like i wanted to..We had a funeral for him and that pic of him in a casket keeps flashing in my head now im thinking i need to visit his grave site..I'm so sad to say i;ve never been to visit..I'm really sad right now he would have been 17 yrs old I really miss him:""""(