Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Community
Need advice on a SIDS case.
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Need advice on a SIDS case.

I was wondering if anyone can tell me what they think they would do in this situation as it is something I am currently faced with. My 4 mth old daughter died on 1/13/12 of SIDS while at daycare. Not only did the daycare provider admitedly put her on her stomach to sleep, the PA Public Department of Welfare cited the daycare for not following safe sleep standards, as well as having an unsafe sleep surface and leaving our daughter unsupervised, all of which are against PA state regulations. We have spent months trying to get money out of these people and have finally come to a resolution with the insurance policy as well as personal funds that they will be putting up. However, after thinking about it for a long time, we ultimately want to take them to court. We don't want this to be swept under the rug as they were truly negligent in caring for our daughter no matter how you view it.

I guess I was wondering what other parents would do in this case. This is not about money. It is about holding these people responsible for what they did. For the last 9 mths, we haven't received a single apology or acknowledgement from them for the mistakes they've made. We feel very stronly that we can not let this go since these people knowingly and willfully did these things to our daughter. I know that SIDS is a gray area but they were clearly negligent. Thank you so much for your advice.
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134578_tn?1404951303
I am so sorry about your terrible loss.

If the main reason you are considering going to court is in order to get an apology or an acknowledgement of wrong, please keep in mind that the only reason you have not had one up to now is doubtless because their attorneys have told them not to speak with you, or to give any expression of sorrow or grief over the event, because it will play against them as admissions of guilt if you ever did go to court.  Like many things in life that involve the law, the parties are instructed not to talk to each other.  It goes against human nature, and sometimes even escalates things, but that is the way it goes -- one friendly or conciliatory comment made from one person to the other, and the attorney jumps on it and says "Aha!  You are admitting you are guilty!"  I am not saying they were not negligent, but am saying that is probably why you haven't heard that they have remorse.

If your goal is to shut them down, go to court and maybe you will accomplish this after a lot of further grief and dragging things out.  If your goal is to bring public attention to this negligence, it might possibly work if the story catches the attention of the press, but if they are a small outfit (not associated with one of the big chains) the press might not find it broadly applicable and might not do a big story.  If your goal is to make them apologize, there are simpler ways to get there besides court.  If your goal is to make them suffer as you have suffered, I don't think going to court is ultimately going to make you feel vindicated, no matter what the outcome of the case.  Unfortunately, the law and the courts do not ease emotional pain.  

Again, I am so sorry to hear what happened.  My greatest fear when my son was small was SIDS, and that was just me taking care of him at home.
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Avatar_f_tn
I don't have the same story as yours.  my son died and my brother died at 2 months. my mother second born son died of SIDS. and my second born son died of SIDS. nobody even asked me about it.. I need you too many doctors before and after I delivered my boy about SIDS. " do I have to worry if there's things I can do to prevent it". i now know ssooo much about it and Im
pissed...

we can't prevent it but we can prepare for it..... I'm not saying all cases are the same. and my one questions that Keeps me awake at night is
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm sorry about your daughter.  But you're looking for someone to blame, and there isn't anyone.  SIDS babies have something wrong, we don't yet know what, but it's inborn.  There is no way to prevent SIDS, and trying to blame the caregiver isn't the answer.  

My daughter died of SIDS, even though she had NO risk factors at all, and was wide awake and in her doctor's arms when it happened.  (I was right there, 2 feet away.)  It happens instantaneously, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it, or to fix it afterwards.  God knows, we tried.

I know there's a huge desire to find someone to blame, but doing so just increases the pain you will feel, by dragging the process out.  No one is at fault here, and suing people will never get your daughter back, nor will it help anything - it won't even make you feel better.

You can call someone 'negligent', but the fact is that no one knows what causes SIDS, and it can happen to ANY baby, under ANY circumstances, so there is no blame to be assigned.

The best you can do for yourself is to stop blaming and start to heal.  It will take a LONG time, but the sooner you can put this aside, the sooner the process can start.

I wish you the best of luck.
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