Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Community
carrying on atere losing a baby
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This patient support community is for discussions relating to SIDS, back sleeping, bedding, breastfeeding, genetics, pacifiers, prenatal care, and prevention.

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carrying on atere losing a baby

Hi I am new to the group, i lost my son to sids 18 months ago at 4 months old. I am completly devastaed and suffer from a deep deppre4ssion, wondering how others have learned to cope afteer losing there angel?
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First off, let me say I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  I have some idea of your pain as I lost my son to SIDS as well in April of '07.  He was 6 weeks old.  It's been a little over a year and I still miss him everyday.  It is only natural to wonder what he'd look like now, what milestones he would have reached...  I see my friends' kids, around the same age and can't help but wonder.
As for healing from such a devastating loss... It takes a lot of time and effort.  I have found it helpful to see a counselor on a regular basis.  It's someone you can just totally unload on w/out feeling bad that you are still struggling and with many of the same issues.  18 months is not that long considering the magnitude of loss.  However, if you are feeling severely depressed you should seek some form of help.  Whether it be a yoga class, therapist, acupuncturist, etc.  I have taken up yoga and found it to be very helpful.  What are your interests?  Sports, art, reading, cooking, etc.  Find something that you truly enjoy and make it part of your weekly, or even better daily activities.  This is a time to heal your body,  it is normal to feel sad.  Let yourself feel sad, but only for a limited amount of time.  Start slow.  After my son Cole passed away I would go in his room every morning and cry.  That was my alloted time, sometimes I'd be in there for an hour, and other days only a few minutes. Then I would go on with my day.  Of course emotions are a tricky thing and you can't just shut them down.  But you have to work through them until you get to a more manageable place.  
My therapist had a good way of putting it... Imagine your grief as a back-pack that you have to carry for the rest of your life.  When you first put that back-pack on it seems so heavy, and you wonder how you can get around with it.  But eventually you get stronger, your body gets used to the back-pack and pretty soon you hardly know you're carrying it.  You will build emotional muscles.  Believe me, I have my bad days, but I also have good ones.  Please allow yourself to have good ones.

I can also suggest a couple of books that I found helpful.
1.   " The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle
2. "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" By Harold S. Kushner

Also wondering are you trying again?  My husband and I are.  That's been pretty rough in itself.  I have had two miscarriages since Cole left us.  I sill remain hopeful, as should you.  Please take care, and please write.  I would love to keep in touch.
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