can't take this anymore

I've been doing this for years, in and out of the hospital, and I just can't do it anymore... I've absolutely had enough. I have no energy to fight it anymore, I'm tired of them coming to get me and putting me there and trying useless attempts to stabelize me. And now the hospitalizations are getting closer together, which means life outside inbetween just *****. I may sound like a quitter but actually if you knew me, I've lasted quite a long time here thru an enormous amount of pain, pain that just never stops, and in fact just keeps getting worse. I really don't understand what I've done to be punished so badly here, but I can't take it anymore...

[mopbucket77]

you haven't done anything to be punished for,you have a disease that you have no control over.God can help you when you feel there is no hope.don't give up!I've felt the way you do for a long time,in fact my fight has been for about 40 years.God loves you!He will never leave you or forsake you.Give Him a try.Stop feeling guilty and give all negative feelings to him.Just know that God came in the flesh in the person of JESUS CHRIST,died for your sins,rose again(from the grave)and all you have to do is believe this and you will be saved and ask God to help you and renew your thinking and be assured that He will deliver you from all negative thoughts if you ask Him*see*JESUS come into my life,under the group category on this website

[Jaquta]

The number one thing is that you have to keep doing it.  You have to hang in there and the only way that things will get better is if you are there to let that happen (with the right support of course).
If this keeps happening and hospital isn't helping have you considered getting a second opinion or trying another service.
What do you think that needs to happen in order for you to get better?  Sometimes I feel like i just need time and space to myself.  That's not feasible with my home situation or level of skill but sometimes I find that going to town or going for a run or going to the beach help.
What are you able to do to help you?  What do you like doing?