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dbt

I subscribed to the dbt class and was accepted.
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Avatar universal
I am so fed up with my moods changing like the weather the slightest comment and i am of again, my partner is driving me mad to do stuff i don't want to go anywhere.
To be fair to myself i got up early sorted the children out for their summer scheme, went to therapy came home and made something to eat and dressed the two youngest and he is complaining because i won't go anywhere, he doesn't see the effort it took to get up and do all that when i want to do is sleep, so now i am upset and fed up, wondering why i bother, i'm thinking of calling my social worker and telling her i have had enough please help before i go mad. I don't know if that would help or not.
I won't see my therapist until the 30th July but i have the psychiatrist next week and my social worker is to keep in touch regularly.
Yeah i would prefer to go when he is at work its just sometimes i am more awake in the evenings, i used to go a few years ago to the gym everyday and he was always there but i didn't mind as much as i do now, i think its only because he knows so much about me, but i don't go to often so it shouldn't be a problem.
I'm still considering calling my social worker i am sure she is fed up listening to me.
My partner is going out for a few hours with the children i am glad i need the space.
I hope you have a good day, take care
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Avatar universal
That's a good cheer leading statement.  It is actually skillful to ask for help when you feel you need it.

My brother is here for one more day.  He is busy now helping my parents do the bathroom.  Straightening walls, etc.
My GP cares but that doesn't always result in good treatment.

Can you ask your T about cover for while he is away.  Sometimes when one of my old T's went away I was given the option of seeing one of their colleagues.

Going to the gym is good.  Maybe during a time when he is known to be at work would be good.  Just an idea.  It may not be practical.  Your partner should be applauding you not chastising you.  I can see why he may be upset but I don't think he sees things from your perspective.
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Avatar universal
I know what you mean you have waited so long for help that you are fed up with all, i totally understand, but hopefully you will get help soon and that it will have been worth waiting for.
I called her today, it frustrates me to call her but then again she can't mind read and if she doesn't hear from me then she assumes that i am ok, sometimes she is out of the office all day but i guess she will call when she can. I am trying to tell myself that if i really need to talk to them i need to call them thats what they are there for. I see my therapist tomorrow then he is of for three weeks i guess more responsibilty will be put on my social worker, she seems to cope better with stress then he does.
I tried going to the gym yesterday evening my partner complained because i done nothing all day yesterday, i met my therapist at the gym that didn't help i panicked and was so anxious my heart rate went even higher on the machines i had to slow down, then he left and i was ok. I thought the gym would help but it didn't.
I didn't sleep either i had strange dreams and kept waking up then i didn't know if i was awake or asleep i still feel confused today, like i'm in another world, i hate that feeling.
You seemed to cope well with your brother being there and you can look forward to getting your space back.
Your GP seems to care thats good.
I hope you have a good day.
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Avatar universal
I think we're all trying and being unsupported in ways that we need to be.
My GP said he spoke to the director of mental health from another area and he will try and find someone appropriate to do the review closer to home.  Not sure I really care anymore.  Will have a hard time trying to engage in any support.

You should have just called.  Emotionally that is what you needed to do.

Will talk again soon.  My brother, and more importantly his gf, go back in two sleeps.  It will be nice not to have that stress in addition to everything else.
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Avatar universal
I just got more depressed as the day went on, i hate it, social worker never called, feel like i'm going mad, can't call out of hours they chat rubbish, it seems once it starts i can't stop it its out of my control, really fed up now, not many options left. sorry for venting, i am trying.
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Avatar universal
I'm glad it went well at the dentist, good luck tomorrow.
I will try the dbt stuff thanks, i can see how it would work.
My social worker is supposed to call today i'm not calling her because i am trying to cope on my own, don't know if it will work or not.
Those are really good statements i will try to remember them today. Have a good day tomorrow. Take care
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Avatar universal
There are a lot of hurt people.  We sometimes do this to each other.  Crazy really when it only makes us all more miserable.

The dentist didn't think my tooth was too bad and just smoothed a bit off.  Was given an hour long appointment for something that took five minutes.  Hopefully it will be covered by ACC (they cover accidents).  Don't want to pay for an hour that I didn't want or need.
The appointment with my GP tomorrow may be interesting.  Will see how it goes.

Have a good day.  Don't stress about your mum, etc.  Like on the dbt class can you think up a cheerleading statement.
I may not like myself now but in time, and with help, I can learn to love myself again.
I feel bad for my children but I believe I am doing what is best for us all.  Listening to their grandmother bad mouthing their mother is not healthy and by taking a stand I am showing my kids about self-respect, etc, etc.
My mother locked the door behind me but she may have done that because she was angry and upset and hurting.  I can choose not to allow this to affect me.  I allowed her to access her grandkids -it was her who abused that privilege.

You can make up heaps of your own.  Just things that work for you.
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Avatar universal
Yeah, i do hate myself, i look in the mirror and i could cry, not just at how i look but how i feel, if i am honest i am only here for my children and at times that makes me angry.
I hardly slept last night thinking about it all, i feel bad for my children they were building a relationship with my parents and my father is not a bad person he just won't stand up for himself. When i left her house i was so upset and she came and locked the door behind me so i couldn't go back in, imagine doing that on your own daughter, but anyway thinking about it is getting me no where.
I hope it goes well at the dentist and with your GP.
It is nice i think when visitors leave, things go back to normal.
Yeah i am just taking each day as it comes if it gets too much i will contact my social worker and allow her to take it from there, i promised my partner i would.
Take care
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Avatar universal
I think you need support to work through stuff with your mother.  At the moment the relationship is counterproductive and abusive.
People do care.  I care, your T and sw care.  Your children care.
I think the problem is that you don't care enough about yourself.  Don't like or even love yourself.  I always use to HATE myself too so I can understand how lonely that feels.

Have a dental appointment soon.  See my GP tomorrow and then a couple of days later these guys go back.  Looking forward to having some space again.

Do what you need to to get through each day or each hour of each day.
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Avatar universal
Yeah i'm going to do that, it doesn't help the feeling of not belonging and it just reinforces that no one actually cares, but thats the way it is.
We are doing alot of housework today, distraction is really needed.
I am hoping to get respite again soon, i will be glad to get away for a while.
I hope all is well with you.
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Avatar universal
If that is the state of affairs with your mum them perhaps you should just severe all ties.  None of what she or your brother do seem particularly helpful or healthy.
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Avatar universal
I think i would like to know anyway, maybe he feels i don't need to know or that i won't cope well with it.
I have taken prozac before but this time he gave me different ones, i suppose maybe i couldn't feel much worse.
Yesterday i got threatened by my brother when i left my daughter of he got really abusive and my mother never said anything to him, i wanted my daughter to leave with me and my mother wouldn't let me, my brother threatened to hit me so i left i told them i would never be in their house again. My partner was in the car waiting i had to beg him to stay in the car, then my brother came out and started on him, then my mother joined in, no thought for my two youngest sitting in the car. I'm glad my partner kept his temper and we left, then we contacted the police who got my daughter, i couldn't go to the house he threatened me and my partner couldn't go because they hate him and wouldn't give her out. I really didn't want to involve the police but we had to. I feel very let down by my own mother but to be honest she was never much use, i was just very loyal and didn't like talking about her behind her back.
Anyway she ruined it this time, i tried to make things better with them, its my children i feel sorry for but my eldest was telling me that my mother constantly bad mouths me and my partner to her and my other daughter all the time so maybe its best they don't go around.
I am waiting to hear from the police on what they are going to do next, my brother can get in trouble for threatening behaviour but i might just leave it now.
I have been trying to remain calm these days i really didn't need this.
It usually takes a while for me to react to things so the impact of it will affect me next week, in what form yet i don't know, i don't know why i just can't be upset and get it over and done with.
The dbt skills would probably be a good thing for me to learn i think, i find it hard though.
I hope all is well you, i have rambled on again. Take care
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Avatar universal
Knowing can be painful and hurtful and damaging.  Everyone has a right to know what is wrong with them or believed to be wrong with them.

It could be.  I only learnt through dbt skills how to try and describe my emotions.

We're reasonably close.

Maybe they know you better than you think.  Were you given prozac?  Maybe you should try taking one.  You feel sick and gross anyway you probably wouldn't even notice any of the side-effects.
I would feel more comfortable taking something short-term or as you need it for anxiety.
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Avatar universal
Why wouldn't they tell me though i would like to know?
My therapist rang me this morning so early i was still asleep, i called him yesterday to tell him i didn't want them to have my notes and he didn't call back so he called this morning instead. He said its my choice but he has looked into it he even contacted his solictor to see what he could do about not giving them my records but the solictor told him he could be done for preventing the course of justice if he did that and if i refused the police will just go to court and get them, so i don't really have a choice.
I'm just going to go along with it if she gets the other guy as well when then there's nothing i can do about it, the problem is i reported the recent incident, but something happened 4 years ago which i didn't report but i told my therapist, when the police got my notes because of what happened then they questioned me on it and i told them i didn't want to make a complaint about it because the person had been a friend at one point and i didn't need the stress, anyway they said that now they knew about it they had to investigate it as well  even though i didn't want them to, i don't want to withdraw the other complaint because i want this person caught and also my partner would go mad.
Is it part of a personaility disorder if you don't know what emotions you are experiencing, like i panic but really its fear or stress or anger thats causing the panic i don't feel the emotion just the panic.
That isn't fair on you that you paid for all that stuff and she went and done that, i suppose it wouldn't help to say anything though. At least you know you were good to him and kind, and hopefully he appreicates it.
Another stressful day, mu GP gave me anti-depressants, does he not know me by now?
My social worker is calling to see if i take them, she doesn't listen either.
I hope you have a good day, at least its a chance to spend some time with your brother. Are you close to him?
Take care
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Avatar universal
It's not too bad with my brother and his girlfriend -so far anyway.  She has gone into town today for a $150 massage (which everyone assumes my brother is paying for).  I feel a bit gutted because I have no money and spent what I did have on petrol for his car and gluten free products for his undiagnosed gf.

You should disclose everything you know to the police.  If you don't want to make a complaint then you should withdraw it.  If you do, then give them the information.

Even if they though you had a PD I don't expect they would tell you.  What from you say they're saying it basically sounds like they are saying that you have it.  Impulsiveness, trouble regulating emotions, etc.  ??

If the underlying issue is causing the depression then the med is less likely to help.  Working through the issues will.
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Avatar universal
I find the dbt stuff interesting i can see the theory behind it, just at this time my head is so full of stuff but i do read alot of it.
Therapy was ok we talked alot he said it seems the impulsiveness has got worse and it concerns him and he said my biggest problem seems to be that i can't regulate my emotions and i don't seem to know what emotions i am experiencing he said that must be really hard to deal with it i said it is, he said he can see a pattern of when the emotions become too much i can't cope with them and then i act impulsively.
He also had a meeting with the police yesterday regarding me him and my social worker, the police woman leading the investigation and another social worker, a new protocol has been put in place because of the way they treated me and now they have to go to my therapist before they contact me, they have requested my notes from the trauma therapy i think that is terrible, he said i can refuse but he said they will only go to court and get them anyway and he said it will make me look worse in there eyes. I told him i wasn't happy about it but i felt i had no choice. I was upset they hadn't told me about it beforehand but i suppose i wasn't invited to it so i didn't need to know.
I think they are looking for a name but i won't tell them i don't know, without going into much detail this happened before and i know who done it and well they found this out from my notes they requested before and they wanted the name and i refused and they tried to get my therapist to get me to tell them but he wouldn't, they think the incidents are connected in some way but i don't, sorry if this is too much information.
He never said much about the questionaire, i should have asked but he just talked about my emotions and he's not sure what therapy to go for he is going to talk with the psychotherapists to see what they think and he said he will do it in my time when i'm ready. He said i'm not ready to leave him yet which is true, but he said it will be in a few months time he is going of on holiday now for three weeks so he will sort it when he comes back. He is also so involved with the police that i don't know what will happen when i leave but i guess maybe the new therapist will maybe take over from him.
Yeah from what i have read it sounds like bpd, would they tell me if it was?
I saw one of the other GPs today i felt so unwell this morning and he said too it sounds like depression and i need to take medication, so did my therapist he said it won't work without medication but i will see.
I'm not so anxious about the illness but i hate medication because of the side effects the GP said today its unlikely that the medication caused the depression because he said i have had mental health issues for so long its more likely to be that, and he said i have been on the medication a while so i shouldn't really have any side effects now but i do, i took half of the tablet tonight and tomorrow i will feel like i have a hangover, i took a full tablet last week and i didn't feel so good.
I have went on so much again.
How are you doing with your brother being there.
Take care
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Avatar universal
Sounds a little like me.  Normal except for a,b,c.  =)
I guess the fear of developing a tumor would be sufficient motivation to take the med.  Pity you can't blame all the brain stuff on that.
All of those symptoms could add to one feeling anxious though.  If I were to feel continuously unwell then I would be feeling a little anxious and apprehensive.

I hate that -doctors saying you're fine when you feel pretty lousy.

Maybe postnatal depression or psychosis.  It happens.

The more you talk the more aspects sound like bpd.  ??  I don't mean to thrash something on you but to me it kind of makes sense and that could be why you haven't responded to treatment.

I wonder what your T would think if you asked him if he thought you had it.  ??

It's good that you're being proactive and seeing your GP to discuss your concerns.

That dbt class stuff seems a bit excessive doesn't it.  I was going to read all the posts but I ended up deleting all of them.  Without some experience in it it may not be all that helpful.
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Avatar universal
Its ok, write whenever you can i hope you get some rest. I hope it goes ok with your brother being there. Take care
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Avatar universal
I am feeling too tired to read and respond to your post now.  Has been a very long day.  Will catch up tomorrow, hopefully.  My brother comes tonight and will be here for a week.  Not sure how much time I will have to write, etc.
Write here if you need too and I will catch up when I have time.
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Avatar universal
I have whats called hyprolactanemonia don't think i spelt it right. I have been taking medication since last April for it, i get nausea and dizziness from it but i have to take the medication because if i have a tumor then it would grow bigger. The first scan showed no tumor but the specialist said it could be so small it wouldn't be picked up, so they left it two years before starting me on medication. I was only on them 6 weeks when i got pregnant, second time i was only on them 5 months and i got pregnant again but i had no depression either those times i was normal apart from panic attacks and argraphobia and the ocd which i have had for 16 yrs anyway.
The levels were normal at christmas so i will continue on the medication for a few years and i have a check up yearly. Last time i spoke to him i told him that the medication made me more anxious and he said it wouldn't it mostly causes nausea and headaches and dizziness and tiredness which i have.
I could blame the medication for depression but i have been depressed before at times even before the medication, so i'm not sure. I told my psychiatrist this the last time i saw him and he said i am most likely to be depressed due to life stresses and not the medication. The doctor also done a lot of blood tests and said everything was fine.
Also before the medication my hormones were all supressed and my mood was quite calm but that was because my hormones weren't functioning normally so maybe this is me normally. I know when my 3rd child was born i was really suicidal and angry and was in a bad way for a long time and that was a long time before any medication, i had to take prozac to cope.
I have went on so much but this has been in my head i wondered was the medication to blame but i don't think so, i am going to see my GP to discuss it next week and then she will contact the specialist and see what he thinks, he will probabaly say its me and not the medication.
I have always been different that everyone else so i think its more mental health than anything, i have been with the community health team for 16 years so maybe i shouldn't be blaming the medication i've only been taking it 15 months and another reason, my past was awful my childhood was awful, no love no support.
I guess i am writing all this trying to make sense of it. Sorry for going on.
Thanks for your opnions you are probably right. I hope you have a good day.
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Avatar universal
It went OK.  Nothing startling.

I'm glad your sw called and that you managed to talk reasonably freely with her.
My two layman's diagnoses.  Either bpd or severe depression with psychotic features.
It could be something else.  Was just reading the doctors response to somebody on the undiagnosed symptoms community forum.  It could be a physical problem.  

I don't like meds but I would easily recommend taking something as needed for the anxiety (as long as it is monitored and short-term).
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Avatar universal
I am going to write down what i need to say to him because i forget.
My social worker called late in the evening i thought she had forgot, i told her about the seeing people and the panic and the being so tired i can hardly move, she said it sounds like the depression has got worse and that i really need to consider the medication before it gets worse, so it went ok i told her and she listened.
I am going to see her on Thursday i suppose them we will discuss the medication more.
I have been tired all day again, that would make me consider medication i can't function at this level, as much as i need to.
How did it go with your GP? I hope it goes well and that you have a good day.
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Avatar universal
It was a lunar eclipse here the other night.  You need to speak to your T.  Talk to them, tell them how you feel.  Don't use stuff to get a reaction.  Just be honest about what you are thinking and feeling.  Let them help and guide you as to the best course of action.
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Avatar universal
I know i need to tell them but i don't feel that are listening, my social worker will call in the morning and i will tell her i am fine as always, or if i say i feel terrible i can't cope anymore she will say, well you coped over the weekend ok which i guess is true.
I know what i need to say to get her to listen but i don't want to go down that road i am afraid of what will happen.
I really need my therapist at some point to help me sort this out he always has before and i guess its bad to want him to help now but then again he still is my therapist but i feel like he gives a lot of support and i get worse so really he is bound to be thinking whats the point.
I wrote a post on the depression forum and it was deleted so i won't post there again, i have read much worse than that and no one deleted it, to me it was a reflection of how i felt at 3am this morning, but i was sent a message explaining why it was deleted.
I guess i am unable to be helped, i'm so tired its 1am here i won't go to bed i am too anxious to relax enough to fall asleep, i am considering calling my GP tomorrow and telling her how i feel.
The moon is out and its a beautiful night.
I hope you have a good day. Take care
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