Hi, I will be 45 in June,I started a forum for us closer to 45 than 40. It just seems like being 40 is so different than being 45 when it comes to TTC. I'm not abandoning my TTC over 40, because without you I could not have gone through this. I love all of you, I would no absolutely nothing!
Love and SSBD
Hi guys, I am new here so hope I am posting this right! I live in Australia and will be 45 in July. I had three miscarriages in my 30s and then at 40 was diagnosed with endometriosis and Hashimotos thyroiditis (nice!). At 41 I did a full cycle and got 16 eggs only six fertilised and all survived but none 'took'. I did another cycle a few months later and had four embryos implanted again none took. I then did a frozen cycle with two eggs - same BFN again. A few months later I did another 'short' cycle and only for 5 eggs but all of them fertilised and they are 'on ice'. I was too depressed and too sad to use them, had no energy and my relationship broke up. I am now at the stage where I would like to use them but I am scared too because if they don't take I will get depressed again, this is stupid I know, but all of you who have been through miscarriages, BFNs will know the toll this game takes on your spirit and mental health:(
Anyway I have been reading your posts for a while and you all sound lovely, supportive etc. If I do use these embies and they don't 'take' I am probably going to go down the embryos donation route. xxx
I feel your pain, I've had ivf, fet, moved to tubal reversal, on the iui now #3. I will be 45 in June. I'm trying to convince my DH that if this doesn't work by my 45th birthday then I would like to go the donor embie route too.he really wants no part of it at this moment. We had a gay couple who don't want any more children who have 2 embies and want us to have them, so generous of them. I have 3 children and he has none, he feels like this is his journey, don't get me wrong he's a great DH, he wants bio kids, I guess I should understand but I don't. I know ow stressful this is so keep your chin up, find a happy place stay positive, you will achieve your dream!
Welcome to our group! Sorry to hear about all the disappointments you have had along the way. This is very hard to deal with and people who aren't going through it just don't understand. I get comments that are supposed to make me fell better, like... but do you REALLY want to have a child now at this stage in your life?? or..... I love the comments from people who already have children (I don't have any) like.... Not having a child wouldn't be a bad thing... you can just do what you want. How do they know (when they have kids) , that not having one wouldn't be bad???
Oh well, I know they are just trying to make me feel better and also know that they are looking at it from the perspective of having teenagers right now and thinking.... OMG, I would never want to start all over!
I did an hpt yesterday (blue dye) and I swear there is a slight +. Even though I know it is impossible with my temps and hot flashes.... I still do it to myself... I don't know... I guess I do the blue dye at times because I know they have a high likelyhood of showing something.... just to get myself a little excited. How crazy is that!? I think I just do it sometimes to make myself feel like I'm still in the game.
Mel... maybe do donor eggs with DH's sperm... then it would still be his biological... maybe that would make him feel better?
Anyway.... I think this makes us all a little crazy.... hang in there ladies! Mel.... you know I'm just waiting for your BFP this month! SSBD!
Again cazzieinoz.... WELCOME and good luck on your journey!
I will turn 45 this July. I started this journey three years ago, right before I turned 42. I had high FSH levels from the get go, so the REs gave me a very grim 1% chance of ever conceiving. In spite of my high FSH, they let me try clomid, which turned out to be a nightmare for me (lots of bleeding). They then let me try two courses of follistim, one with IUI. Even with fertility meds, I produced only a couple of eggs and wound up with cysts. After spending too much time at fertility clinics and hearing way too many times how "old" I was, we mostly gave up on the whole thing, except for using the CBEFM and trying at peak fertility. Well, at 43 I shockingly (because the doctors had done such a good job of convincing me it was basically impossible), I became pregnant au naturale. It unfortunately ended in early miscarriage, but then I became pregnant again 3 months later. That, too, unfortunately ended in early miscarriage. Following the first pregnancy, I learned that I have a subclinical hypothyroidism, which can interfere with getting pregnant and can also cause miscarriage. Of course the REs want to take the simple way out and blame it on my "old" eggs, but they don't know for sure. In pregnancy #1, I had implantation and lots of pregnancy symptoms early on. It very well could've been the hypothyroidism that caused the m/c.
Several months ago, I got my AF but then the bleeding just went on and on. After 18 days, I went to my ob gyn who sent me for an ultrasound. Turns out that I now have a fibroid in my uterus. I've since been told by two different doctors that if I really want to get pregnant, I need to have that surgically shaved down, that it can both block implantation and cause miscarriage. Both doctors also said that fibroids are slow growing and that mine has probably been there for awhile.
There's even more to my story, but it depresses me to go into it. I'm so sick of doctors and their negative attitudes and carelessness. The doctor who diagnosed the hypothyroidism said the numbers were even worse 18 months before (when I began this journey) and he wondered why my old RE didn't do anything about it. I might've gotten pregnant sooner or been able to hold to one of the pregnancies if I'd been treated for the hypothyroidism.
Well, after a lot of soul searching, we made the decision go with a donor egg. I came up with a lot of pros for that. But then I was told that I'd need the fibroid surgically shaven down and that I should also get a blocked fallopian tube surgically removed. And of course I'd need meds for the hypothyroidism. I just got fed up with it all and told my boyfriend that I don't have it in me to continue with the medical stuff. I'm depressed, my resources are depleted, I'm angry about the way these REs behave.
We're now researching going to India to get a surrogate and a donor. The baby would still biologically be his that way and it's way more affordable than it is here in the U.S. (I believe it's about $35,000). We're not 100% sure we're going to do this, and we're looking into other countries as well. Once upon a time, I wanted my biological baby or no baby, but as the years go by my feelings have shifted. Anyway, I'm on my way right now to a screening of a documentary about this very topic. It's called Made in India. Hopefully I learn something helpful.
cazzieinoz, I second the motion--why not donor eggs? Your dh would get his biological child that way and you'd get to be a mom again.
Hi Mel, Sharon, Breezie etc
Thanks for your responses. Like most people I have always wanted to have a 'biological' child. I was adopted myself as a baby and although I have met my birth mother we have nothing in common and I have always yearned to be 'connected' to someone biologically. Would having a donor embryo baby feel like second best and worse would any child conceived seem like 'second best' too, I would hate that for them. Somehow though I think that any baby I had would be loved. Mel, I understand where your hubby is coming from but as the others said could you use his sperm and a donor egg or too complicated? x
I am definitely in the place of, I want my own biological child or none. Isn't that aweful!? Possibly I'll change, but at 44, I don't think so. I think I will just look at is as that's how it was meant to be.
Funny, I talked to my 13 year old niece last night about sex, boyfriends and her not getting pregnant. Prompted by her telling me that her dad thinks she's going to get pregnant. So as we are discussing, I told her he didn't THINK she would, but that he was just worried that it could happen and wants to avoid her making any lasting mistakes. Anyway... in the course of the conversation (because she knows I'm divorced) she said "aren't you glad you never got pregnant", of course I told her yes since my past relationships didn't work out but that I wish in some ways I would have had a child because then I would hopefully have a great relationship with my child, like I have with her (my niece). Her reply (very sweet) was, but that's what you have me for. Brought tears to my eyes. Her and I have always been so close. One time she said to me that I shouldn't sell the house that I'm in (she has her own room here) because when I'm old, she said she would move in and take care of me.
So... the moral of the story is that... there is a big part of me that says, if I am able to have a child or if I'm not... that is exactly how it is supposed to be.
On a strange note.... the last few days... I swear my nipples are protruding (like during puberty) and now yesterday and today, they are quite sensitive. I've never had this before and don't think I'm pregnant or have even ovulated, but is this a sympton ones gets when menopausal?? Do any of you know?
I pray that each and every one of you gets to have your baby, you deserve to be mothers, I know how much my DH wants to have a baby of his own! I pray I can give him one!
All my best and sprinkling baby dust upon all of you
Honestly, I will pray for your DH to change his mind about donor eggs. This is just NOT FAIR for you!!!! You did your part and have three healthy children conceived with healthy eggs. God may be protecting you from having a child with big problems with your eggs. It is just not worthit!
Hi Mariana, my DH isn't against donor eggs, we just can't afford it, we just spent over $25,000.00 just last year alone. He has since accepted the idea of donor embryos. Not bio to either of us. We know someone who has two frozen embies and is ot going to use them and would like us to have them, he was a little freaked out at first but now he is so sweet and agreed. We are going to try until June, my 45th birthday. My beta is Monday. How are you feeling? How is your DD adjusting to the idea of twins?
I am 45 and conceived naturally last month. We go for an ultrasound on March 3. Can't wait. I have had 3 miscarriages - the last one was back in 1999 - no live births. We had an ultrasound a couple weeks ago when i thought i was 8 weeks - but the tech said i was only meausuring 5.5 weeks - but we did see a heartbeat - so that is a good sign. (First time any of my pregancies showed a heartbeat) :) I could potentially be off on the date of my LMP as we werent trying to get pregnant so i wasnt really paying much attention to when my periods were. Hopefully we will still see a heartbeat on Thursday and the baby will have grown. Every time i get a cramp or a twinge in my belly ... i panic ... wondering if those are normal pangs. Everytime i go to the bathroom i just about hold my breath. I just need to have faith. My last HCG was 18,492 -- wish it had been higher. Will let all of you know how it goes on Thursday.
I'm glad : I guess I was passing you all my frustrations of trying to have a baby at our age. The odds are so low. I'm happy for Bernadette but she is one in who knows how many.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
My DD is now OK. She freaked out with the idea of me being pregnant because she was afraid of how her life would change. But she is 16, lives away and her life is all set. I will always support her no matter what. I have support her all her life anyways because her dad left when she was three and has not being in her life at all. She has told some of her good friends and one of the mothers came to me saying that my DD was very happy for me:), which is nice! She will melt the minute she meets them anyways. She has always love kids, it's funny, she really likes kids.
Hi, I'm 45 and have been trying for 2 years. I'm a poor responder to stims and now doing natural ivf. It has been very frustrating but still hopeful. My DH is also not there yet for donor eggs. It took me a while but we decided to give a few more tries before going that route. So happy to hear someone who is 45 got prego Best wishes and good luck to all.
Bernadette - a huge congratulations to you!! Wow! Gives the rest of us a bit of hope! I really hope all goes well and please keep us posted.
Mali000 - We all wish you the best of luck on this journey and welcome to our group! I've heard that natural ivf seems to work better for older women anyway. Maybe the little eggies just don't do as well when they are forced out as opposed to a bit of coaxing :-) makes sense since I know I have become more stubborn in my older age! Hahaha.
Mel - good god... please let's hear some good news from you tomorrow. If not, well press on and look forward to that sweet little one just waiting in the refrigerator for your nice warm womb :-) :You will truly be blessed!
Just did another $ store hpt myself - disected it, got out the magnifying glass, bright light... twisted it and turnded it every which way.... YOU KNOW THE DRILL! Still a bfn at any angle!! Thank god for the $ store or I would be broke!
You ARE going to get that golden egg Mel!! I can just feel it.
For the first time last night, dh brought up doing iui or ivf or whatever it takes. He even suggested we could check out places like Costa Rica for ivf since it is so expensive here. I had no idea he was really this into it. He has been so quiet about the whole thing over the past year. I'm wondering if maybe he thought it would just happen and now seeing that it isn't, he's getting nervous. Even though he wants to do what it takes, I still have such huge reservations about spending $30 - $50 grand for some iui's and ivf's and still not ending up with our little miracle. I am so confused right now... I don't know what to do.
Hi Honey, I can only say that I'm there, yes my DH thought I would be pg by now. Me too. I don't know that I would do ivf again for me because it can take 5-6 times to work and at my age there is no attain program except if I use donor eggs. I think it's sweet that he is letting you know how much he wants this too! Have you thought about donor embies? I know it's not for everyone. If I had the money for donor eggs i would go that route so my DH could have a bio child, but we've already spent almost $28,000.00. Or maybe we could do it naturally?! You do what you need to do, I pray for your BFP!
Do the donor egg natural!? But then you would have an ugly/fat child!! LOLOLOL!! Because you would have to pick the ugliest fatest woman!! HAHAHA!! I'm cracking myself up today.
See.... it's that $28,000 thing with no happy outcome that keeps me from wanting to go that route. It is such a hard decision. Well, I'm cd 2 today so it's too late to do much about it this month, gives me time to think. I suppose I would (off the cuff) consider at least having natural follicle monitoring via ultrasould with trigger and BD'ing. That probably wouldn't cost all that much. I keep feeling like I'm making eggs and getting constant + opk's because body is trying to release them but it's not working. That's why maybe hcg shot would be helpful,
There is this doctor in New York that has the best IVF results for women over 40 and one thing he does is only stim with clomid or femars, retrieves only one or two eggs and does the ivf that way. He says older women's eggs are much more fragile than younger women and have to be treated with extra care. So sometimes I wonder if our older eggs being stimulated to mature super fast, is not good. He calls it natural cycle ivf. I think others are doing it now. I think he then (with the one or two good egs) does icis (where they inject the sperm into the egg), since our egg shells are tougher. Then I think he only gets them to a few cells and puts them back in the fallopian tube (which is more natural for dividing, than a petri dish) rather than incubating them for 5 days and putting them into the uterus. Now when I say he has the best stats for women over 40, his success rate is something like 7% vs 1%, but in medicine... that's a HUGE difference. See, they will get better at dealing with us older women, but probably, be really good at when we're like 60!!
Ya.... i know about the attain and they don't like us older women either!! *****!! I wish they would at least approve attain for us if we do natural cycle ivf.
Good luck this cycle Mel!! This one SHOULD be the charm! SSBD!! Sharon xxx
Sharon, you crack me up! I meant donor eggs or just trying the old fashion way... Lol it's such a tough decision for all of us! And why would you think your donor would make ugly children? U still crack me up! I bet the meds are tough on our eggs, we did Icsi and assisted hatching, I made 11 embies, I was supposed to have 4 transferred but my re was afraid but never told me until I got there, I was so angry I insisted on at least 3, they only had 2 hatched and ready, well we know how that ended, I had 7 to freeze and only 1 survived.... Bfn, so here I am gonna keep trying iui and wait and see what the HSG does, then on to donor embies, the little boy who was born out of these embies is a cutie, we'll just have to wait and see!
Hi, that's what I'm doing right now, natural cycle. I had one embryo but didn't implant. Next one was lost cuz I ovulated before the retrieval.That's the tricky thing about the natural cycle they can't really tell when you are going to ovulate. I do like not having stims, it always make me feel uncomfortable. I hope I can be so decisive about the donor eggs.. still struggling with that both my DH and I. Lots of BD to all of you.
It is much cheaper because you don't need the meds except for HCG. I want to say it costs around 5000. Luckily my insurance covers it. The clinic I used to go would bill to my insurance as a regular ivf simply because they didn't have a code for it!! how crazy was that.I no longer go there.
No, the doctor told me that since it is just one, I didn't need to go under, which I don't mind, it really doesn't hurt that much.
I really like coming here and reading encouraging news and getting a bit of hope!
I havent been here for a while I am over 45 and now on the egg doner road after 2 mc in 12 months.
For some it isnt a road they want to tread
It is filled with fear and a lot of dread.
For me it isnt the road I wanted chose
But all other routs for me are closed.
It isnt easy because the biological clock is ticking very loud and maybe I have a couple of years left but, the waiting list is about 5 years long. We are of corse still trying every natural method available and not giveing up.
Hi, I hope you have good news to tell us.
I was wondering if FSH level checked towards the end of the cycle means much. I went for my physical and the Dr just checked (per my request though she thought it didn't mean much since I was way into my cycle), but came back at 5. Last time I checked it was at 13. Should I just ignore that such low number?
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