i am a 16 year old girl soph in highschool and i have no friends. i have cut myself before due to being lonely. ive been feeling very sad and depressed this year. i have no friends at school and it seems that everyone hates me there. im shy and quiet but i try and speak to people but they always reject me and when im quiet they look at me like im crazy. they tease me sometimes but just verbal things. at lunch i have a seat in a corner where i eat but sometimes people take my seat and i have no where else to sit so i skip lunch and go to the bathroom or library without eating. i have to lie and tell my parents that i have friends at school so they dont think anything is wrong. everyday at school i see everyone smiling and happy with there friends or boyfriends. thats another thing: boys. ive never talked to a boy and i always wish that a boy would like me and go out with me but they seem to hate me. my cousin knows about my situation and she says that im very pretty and that there is nothing wrong with me but every time i look in the mirror i see ugly. im so jealous of my cousin she has a boyfriend, shes pretty and sexy, so they boys love her and she has so many friends. Why cant i be happy like her? dont i deserve to happy too? all this makes me want to cut myself again and i have started to but i dont cut as deep or as much but its something i wish i didnt do. it seems like happiness just doesnt come to me. i cry myself to sleep every night blaming myself for being lonely and cutting myself but this just makes me want to punish myself by cutting but thats wrong. i dont know whats wrong with me. death has crossed my mind but im too much of a punk to do that so im not going to kill myself. please is there any hope for me? what is wrong with me? thank you.
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