Am i insane?

[UnChienAndalou]

I don't know if i have a certain disorder or if i'm just plain crazy ,but i checked, and i have a symptom from at least every disorder i looked at. A year ago i started having really ****** up thoughts about suicide and how meaningless my life was and i even cut myself enough to bleed out until i felt extremely weak and slept for full days. Eventually i started self-medicating... heavily. It turned into an addiction that i still struggle with, and also a sick game i play with myself (how many amitryptaline pills can i take before passing out in the middle of math class and then sleeping for 20 hours straight? Go ahead, ask me. i kept count). I also have certain "highs and lows" that last anywhere from a couple of  minuites to days. For example i could be practically bouncing off the walls and literally shaking one day, and not talking to anybody and trying to overdose on vicodin the next. This caused me to lose many freinds over the years and now i have none. no contact with the outside world. And that definatelly doesn't help. I also have an extremely grandious view of myself. I see myself as the greatest human being that is better than everyone  else. It's a warped view, i know that much. But i still see it that way. I laugh at the pain of others to a horrifying extent. I'm a terrible human being that doesn't deserve to live. But at least i'm trying to get help. I haven't been to a doctor and my parents know none of this (i'm ridiculously good at fooling people into thinking everythings ok. I could probably convice a bank teller to give me all their money. maybe thats a slight exagerration... very slight). Does anyone know what the **** is going on? Do i have ADHD, BPD, APD, ABCDEFG? I need to know, or i just might just screw up enough to actually want to die.

[goodgardenpeas28]

I cannot diagnose you but there are people who can. I would say go to your parents, you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to just say you're not feeling yourself or you're feeling depressed, they don't need to know details if you don't want them to. You need help for your suicidal thinking though, you may not have known this but self-medicating can actually cause temporary and even permanent psychological disorders. you need to leaving medication to the professionals, and only once you've stopped using will you get an accurate diagnosis. Until then good luck

[Kage_no_Taren]

You, unlike every other person I have seen come onto this forum claiming to be bipolar, sound as though you actually could be.  Specifically sounds like fast cycling bipolar, meaning that your up and down phases last hours or days instead of weeks or months.  I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist.  Tell him that you think you might b bipolar, and explain the symptoms, however, it might be advisable to leave out any references to substance abuse, since you don't want to be thought of as a drug seeker.  Depending on where you live, there may be ways to get mental health care, including meds, without your parents needing to know.  (I know that this is the case in Washington state if you're 13 or older, don't know about other places).  Taking pleasure in the pain of others may be pathological, but don't think that it makes you a bad person unless it leads you to actually -inflict- pain on other people for your own amusement.  (Unless they're into that kind of thing, then it's ok).  

[composed_of_imperfections]

I'm pretty sure it's bipolar. You have mania (the shakes, on top of the world, better than everyone feeling) and depression swings. Go to the doctor. Don't worry. It can be corrected.