Cant stop thinking about DEATH

[halogirl555]

Is this normal? I think about killing myself all the time. I think of ways to do it constantly,, and i usually think about that stuff when i have a strong wish to die. Sometimes, i've thought of shooting myself in school, or haning myself from my shower, or from a bridge that i live really close to. I feel that if i ever do commit suicide, which is soon, i am going to hang myself from the bridge. These thoughts are so strong. I think about it everyday.
I cant stop hurting myself.
I was in treatment. I just discharged a couple days ago. My parents pulled me out of treatmetn against doctors orders. and before my treatment was even complete. While i was in treatment, i attempted suicide 2wice. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, bipolar. I don't want my life to be like this anymore. I want to be normal. I want to be happy!!!!!!! What do i do? Do i just answer the thoughts of dying and take my life?

[Judy246]

depression is an imbalance, which was caused by something terrible that triggered it, but there is help and proper medication to treat depression and find purpose in life.

[mina46]

You need couseling. I was depressed too. I was EMO so yeah I know how you feel.  Life is hard and the world is cold but you can make it through. I did. I was in counseling and I had friends that were supporting me on changing. I am done now with counseling and I still have some days that are bad but I stopped hurting myself and stopped having suicidal thoughts. I know how to deal with life now. There is something I want you to remember. "Your only given this life because your strong enough to live it". I know it is hard. I had trouble to get out of the world I was in. I know you can do it. Keep holding on ever let go no matter what.  

[Judy246]

Let me  tell you to the soul of someone who actually commits suicide. You will be in total darkness for 3 days and aware of it as if you talking to anyone one of us. After 3 days, your soul will linger in the place you committed suicide. Your soul will see and feel the pain you caused by your actions, so if 200 people suffered the loss, you will feel and see their pain and you will not be able to escape it. You will repent of everything you have ever done in life and the pain of everyone you have hurt will see and experience. Your soul will not be able to cross over, because it was not your natural time and you will have broken the 10th Commandment "Thout Shalt Not Kill"...that includes the self, your soul. God is merciful and no one can judge you, but God. Souls will get the help they need with the help of your guardian angel, but you are going to have to linger until your time comes. We have had this talk before.....respect and value life. Find meaning with life and never, ever, take it for granted....life is precious and it's not yours to take, so think twice before you ever decide to do the unforgivable again!

[cali17758]

I have gone through the same thing attempted suicide one time almost succeeded by hanging myself in the shower, and let me tell you its not at all pleasant hanging yourself you do not die immediately and could do permanent damage to the brain if you live, Try to get help think to yourself you are more powerful than your mind "this is your life and you will not let any thing take that away from you" you only have one life to live so make the best out of it! Their are other people that don't have a choice and die everyday so think to yourself i'm very grateful to actually still be living and experiencing life either by good experiences or bad ones. Find a hobby to do with friends, if you don't have any friends your not alone as lots of people don't have friends. your so young and remember we all need one another, Good Luck !

[goodgardenpeas28]

I've felt like this before, and I only say this to let you know that I DONT feel like this anymore. I have felt like killing myself for several weeks or even months at a time but if you get the proper treatment for major depressive disorder, You can live a normal life (that is wanting to live) personally it has taken multiple attempts at medication management and weekly therapy to get me where I am today but it's been six years since I was diagnosed and I haven't attempted suicide in years. The best bet if you can't get professional help (whether your parents won't allow it or insurance won't pay for it) is to try and help yourself. Find a passion, its tough in this state but if you do, if you find one little thing that you want to live for or at least don't necessarily want to die because of it will go a long way towards helping you recover from depression. I found hobbies and friends kept my mind off killing myself long enough for me to make a change in my life and now I have the foundations for a better more enjoyable life. Find something to hold on too, best of luck!

[Ladybug95]

It's gonna take a lot of time and practice to make yourself better. You just have to try your hardest to make new friends and try to be happy. If things aren't good at home, try and get out more. Maybe think of things to look forward to. I'm sure you're a very pretty girl and there is a lot of life for you to live yet. You are gonna find the ray of sunshine someday. It just might be a little tough up until that day. Good luck hun!