Hello, so i'm asking online anonymously because I honestly don't want people to think that I'm just asking it for attention, basically I am 16 years old, Male and currently doing my GCSE's, probably for about the last year iv'e been not feeling myself, and it's quite an odd feeling, not physical but more of a mental feeling, I feel like the same person but I don't feel like the same person inside my head, I used to be quite a popular kid, and I had lots of friends and enjoyed going out, but now I basically don't ever go out, rarely talk to people - only when in school and just spend my days after school in my bedroom on my own.
I have not had one of the most easiest last 4 years, ill give you a quick basics; 4 years ago a sibling of mine passed away suddenly for no reason at all, 2 weeks after this happened I was sexually assaulted by a male, which then lead on to court cases and him finally being sent to prison, I missed half a year of school because of all of this..
Iv'e always been naturally talented and have always wanted to strive to do the best in life, last year I had really outstanding grades and I was pushing myself to get a place at one of the most highly competitive sixth forms in my area (where you go after senior school if you want to go to university afterwards) but over the past year, I have just started to see my life get lower and lower, after the death of my sibling and my sexual assault I never really grieved or cried, my parents think that because I was hard-hit twice in one go my body just shut off my emotions completely, now, most days I just feel like crying, I'm starting to feel like my life just has no point and i'm really starting to doubt myself and think that I am going to fail my exams and not get a place at the sixth form where I want to go.
Mental health runs in my family, usually on the female side but it has also affected my older brother, the furthest back I know of for sure is my Grandmother, and then my mother who suffers depression and type 1 Bipolar and my older siblings, male and female both suffer from depression although only my older sister has got herself prescribed.
Lately I have just felt like I need to sleep, I seem to prefer being on my own but I know that it's not doing my mental state any favors, iv'e practically fell out with all of my friends and I basically don't have anyone to talk to. I try to hide my emotions from my family because they all have their own problems to deal with and I don't want them thinking I'm doing it just for attention.
After the assault I have also lost all confidence in the way I look, this is also another factor as to why I don't go out that much anymore, it's almost like I feel afraid.
I honestly don't know what to do, but this problem just seems to be getting worse and worse as the months go on and I don't want it turning into something nasty that could potentially be another thing that affects my family/myself for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry you feel so worried about being seen as "attention seeking", because based on what you wrote here, you absolutely are not. I don't know the resources available in your country (UK?), but you need to talk to someone. Given the family history of mental health issues and a couple of severe stresses/triggers, I think you're depressed. Is there a school guidance counselor or psychologist you can talk to? School nurse? If you can bring yourself to do it, ask your parents to let you see a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. You could also ask your general practitioner about stuff. They can at least point you in the right direction. You've dealt with a lot a young age, and haven't gotten to address that at all. You almost definitely need psychotherapy of some sort, and possibly medication.
If you want more evidence for your state, maybe to present to your family, google depression and look at the 9 item list of symptoms, and you can google the Beck Depression Inventory (BDI), which will give you a score to show the general severity of depression.
I think asking for help in the first place is often the hardest step when it comes to mental health issues. Hang in there.
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