Do I have depression? Or am I going crazy?

[Aymeezus]

My life is normal. I'm sixteen in two weeks. I've got family and a close friend. I've been hit...often..when I was younger. I've been bullied before. My family calls me names and thinks I'm crazy and thinks that I'm "Devon's daughter with a black heart".  Other than that, I have a pretty fair life. I'm socially awkward, a sociopath. No friends but that one close friend whom I knew since I was in first grade. She has depression--for the right and good reasons (parents divorced, no friends, horrible abuse, cutting, etc.). I have fair enough grades. But as I grow older, I become more sentimental. I cry and have emotional breakdowns. I try to hide it from my family. I often thought about hanging myself. I live with guilt that I once almost killed my brother. I have the most gruesome thoughts and dreams, thoughts and dreams of a psycho serial killer. Alone in my house sometimes, I talk to myself. I laugh to myself. If I let my family know that I'm weeping, they'd look at me as if I'm not part of them; I know that.  I tried telling my mother that I feel like I have emotional problems; I was brought at once to the therapist. After one sedition, I pretended that I'm all fixed up even though I'm not, just so I don't have to go through that again. After that, I'm "numbing myself". I hate everyone. I can't show any affection. I have conversations with invisible people.  I don't see a point in my life. It's the same everyday: wake up, eat breakfast, school, lunch, go home, shower, homework, dinner, sleep, and repeat. I can't stand it.

Do I have depression? If so, is it possible for me to get through without any help?

Or am I just slowly going crazy? A crazy girl who's conscience that she's going crazy?

[rose98035]

I really think you have depression and you are not alone in this im all most 37 years old I have being dealing with depression and I have a mood disorder ... I am seeing a shrink and it really helps ... Just a question for you where do u live im in Canada ont

[Dr Santos]

Hi,
How are you? Can you tell me more about it? Depression is very common and you are not going crazy.  Depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair, or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months, or even longer and it drains the energy, motivation, and concentration. This can get better. Talk to your parents about this. A doctor can check for any health conditions that might be causing  these symptoms also. You can also talk to a Counselor at school. Let me know how it goes. Take care and hope to hear from you soon. Best regards.