I'll start with myself. I am a 16 year old girl, and i have a boyfriend of 13 months and he is very supportive of me.
so, back in october.. we decided to have sex. I knew i was ready and he knew he was. If you knew us, you wouldnt think we are some hooligans runnin' around causing trouble, we are very mature. he snuck over and we did.
later my parents found out... they came down hard on me.. coming from a christian family.. it was very rough.. i feel like i am considered the devil child and disobedient, useless, thoughtless, bad... it makes me feel terrible because all i want to do is to make them happy... but i do one thing for me and its the one thing that makes them hate me...
I was grounded.. they now hate my boyfriend.. won't let me see him, can't hang out with him.. constantly tell me how much they hate him and how we shouldnt be together.. That really gets to me... After my mom found out, she told me that me having sex was worse than when she had cancer.. that broke my heart... Imagine your mom telling you that...
Things started getting back to normal.. they still dont let me see him.. and they still hate him.. they still look at me like ive failed them.. but its better..
lately ive been feeling... lost. I mean, i shouldnt because my life is great. i have a great house, a pool, my own room, a job, a car, food, clothes. but i feel like there's something missing... I'm sad.. and i shouldnt be.. i have a great life.. and being sad with all of this just makes it worse.. i think about everyone else.. they have real problems.. i shouldnt be such a baby... my boyfriend is graduating.. and 2 of my best friends are moving.. and almost all of my friends are graduating too.. so next year ill be all along.. I'm dreading it..
I dont want people to judge me.
I just need someone to sympathize with me..
I feel so alone..
On other sites, old women would give me 'advice' like "listen to your parents" and "...maybe if you weren't such a bad kid" that doesnt help my situation at all.
I'm sad, and I need someone to talk to.
Well, you are young to be having sex, but the fact is you made the choice.
As far as how your parents reacted and how you're feeling, I understand. I'm nearly 24, was 21 when I started seeing my first (and only) boyfriend and first had sex. My parents are super Christian, too. My mom knows and would constantly let me know how horrible a decision it was, etc. However, over time, she came to understand it wasn't something he had forced me into. I explained how much he respected me and didn't push me past my limits and would, in fact, stop before I ever got to the point I felt need to say stop. She still doesn't approve and still has a "barrier" up against him and between her and me, but we can get along fairly well despite it. My dad doesn't know, and he probably won't know unless it comes up somehow if my boyfriend and I marry. As it is, my mom and I both think he'd kick me out since I'm not a minor. Never mind the fact I haven't done anything in their home.
Moral of the story: don't expect it to get better when you turn 18. Parents with a belief system in which sex is bad before marriage will never approve even if they can't do more than forbid you to have your boyfriend over without them home, something you'll have to respect.
But for now, just surround yourself with friends who don't make you feel bad about yourself and your decision but who also will not help you mislead your parents. True friends won't let you put yourself in a potentially harmful (even if in the sense of you receiving discipline and a poor relationship with your parents) position like that, after all. Do things you like to do. Enjoy life as it is. You are young to make the decision you did. I was very mature at your age, but something like that would have made life so hard and complicated for me emotionally at that point.
The worst thing you could do is sit and seclude yourself from people (will lead to worse feelings of depression) or become rebellious. Your parents are just looking out for you and trying to keep you within a path they believe will protect you from harm.
I think your decision was completely justifiable. Definitely no judgement from this direction. :)
Your boyfriends sounds like a nice guy. I don't think it's fair for your parents to prevent you from seeing him; you two did a perfectly legal thing, in a loving committed relationship. Try and talk to them about how you feel. Tell them it hurts you when they make you feel inferior. You can't take back what you did, and you're still their daughter. Just ask them for their forgiveness, and reason with them.
As for feeling lost, I feel that way too. Sometimes a seemingly good life doesn't feel like enough. I have depression and I'm 15 years old. Maybe you should talk to a doctor or counsellor about the way you're feeling - it might help. :)
If you want to message me and talk more about it, feel free. Good luck ♥ xx
Hey hun, I'm 18 and I'm nobody to judge you. I just want to tell you some stuff that I wish I was told at your age. I was 16 when I lost my virginity, he looked me in the eyes and told me to trust him, he was so perfect then. For almost two years he was perfect then we started to know all of each others sides. No one is who they appear to be until you've known them for so long. Here we are 3 years almost 4, down the road. So much drama, stress, pain, hurt.... All because I couldn't let go. I gave it up to him and got attatched. I been putting up with mess for so long. I wish I would have waited or not done it again after the first time because now he sees me just like the others. Once you do it he doesn't really have a reason to take you seriously so be very very careful. It seems like love and I'm happy for you I just don't want to sugar coat anything and just let you know your parents are in the wrong for taking it as far as keeping you from him but they love you a lot and they know that when he's gone they will always be there. Just don't make the same mistake I did and keep giving it to him because here I am crying most likely pregnant and he doesn't even want to be with me. I feel used and alone. I don't want you to end up like me. Take care of yourself babygirl. Love yourself before you love any guy.
If your parents are Christian like they say they are then ask them to forgive you like Jesus forgives them. And I understand your decision, it's not like you were out getting drunk and sleeping with random guys, you slept with your boy that you were in a committed relationship. I agree with the others you should go get some councilling. It may help, I know that councilling helped me in some of my dark days. Good luck to you!
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