Help my 14 year old please is this normal?

[momof1teen]

My child does not care to have friends or a teen social life. I think she has social anxiety possible she hates going to school tells me whatever she can think of why it is not a safe enviroment . she says she gets picked on they cal her names etc.. she may have 1 or 2 friends that she talks to sometimes but really could care less .She fights with every friend she has most likely only  a short period of time then they dont talk again.  All she wants to do is stay home hang out with us which is fine but there has to be a limit line. She either watch's TV or plays Xbox . It seems once there is more there 1 friend at a time she wants to go home  or she argues with the and tells me they were mean to her .  She hates school she would be sick all the time before school with her stomache aches so I kept bringing her  to the dr's then finally to a acounselor and psychiatrist there oppinion was anxiety due to when she was younger she had gone through some stuff with her bio dad that she has nothing to do with at her choice now. He was emotional and sometimes physically abusive I left him while she was  7 for good . besides every year before that as well then kept going back it was a cycle that ended. She says she is like this beacuse of her horible childhood with her bio dad. I tell her that was a long time ago and she needs to move on. She does not want to have friends and says she thinks theytalk about her, she does not get a long with any other teen. She always says they are not her type or they smoke or drink so I dont want to hang out with them which is great that she is telling me that but the question is ? Is it true or just an excuse to back off of her not having friends. She says she likes being by herself .. could this be normal ? I have even gone online to teen forums in the area to setup her up accounts to try and find her friends and get her to talk to them but it only seems like I am the only one writing to them she says to stop running her life I am not her and she dont want friends . I do feel very awkward but have no idea on how to get her friends and  not fight with everyone  .She says nobody likes her and thats why she talked me in to signing her up for a homeschool which she starts this coming year but now having second thoughts about her socialism that this would be the right thing to do or will it make matters worse? . To make matters worse she is now  giving me a hard time about joining a youth group or anything outside activity . she does not like anyiihng or anyone. She is not very nice to other teens which is very embarrassing . The psychologist wanted to give her depression meds but I am not into that. So what now am I wrong for trying to get her connected with kids in this area to be friends . I feel like really weird going to this extreme please advise me on this situation. just thought it would help to break theice with these other teens. please any advice is helpful .. I have had her in counseling but it never seems to help she plain out does not want friends nor go to school but only to homeschool online at age 14  staying isolated at home since we work all day.. is this normal to be so isolated ? She has not had her monthly but this has been going on since she was younger it is not something new going on. Ithought she would grow out of it or something.  
Thank you    

[momof1teen]

I wanted to thank you for all of your replies . I really did not think I would get so much Help.:)

As far as my daughter she just does not really want to do the varsity high Church group. I am trying to just keep her with a group that would be positive. I was trying to get her into something that did not cost so much or free like the varsity group.She said she will do the volleyball but that is not until sept - nov but at least it is only 30.00 for the 3 months. Then I asked her what she would be interested in once my husband goes back to work he is out on a disabilty broken leg.. since Jan it is killing us.. but it happens I guess. So then I asked her when we get in a better position financially what she would be interested in doing ? she did not no so I asked about  gymnastics but that was a "no" she said she may do karate so once the finacial part is better I can do that but for now I was trying to find the things she could get involved in like the church she says she doesn't like it. It is really a great group they do things to get involved in the community  and help others . So right now she is going to go to the volley ball in sept for sure sign up is next month at the recreation center . She says she does not want to hang out with other kids because they do drugs and they laughat her because she never tried anything or did not know what everything was and she never drank.. I told her I was proud of her and she is better off. She is not heavy at all when I tell her doctor he was like what are you serious and he told her she was not heavy and that she should not listen to kids cause they are mean. He has a daughter and teen girls are just plain out mean to each other today. So I think that made her feel better in a diffrent way other than me and ,my husband just telling her that she is beautiful all the time. She also told me she likes just hanging out with me and her dad which I am happy about but I think she still shuld hang out with friends her age. She also does go to her uncles but he has two young one and likes to play with them which I think is a little too young to be playing with ages like 5-8 since she is almost 15 even though they are her cousins . I wouldn't  be worried if she had friends her age but right now there is not even one friend. She could care less about talking on the phone. She has some friends or aquaintances. But is like whatever who cares. I am just not use tothis I realize she is her own person I just never dealt with this kind of situation.  As far as me trying to get her with other teens with online social groups I stopped that. So now all she does is clean the house , watch tv and play xbox and sometime walk her dog. She is interested in drama but there is nothing in this area for that kind of thing. The online School is starting soon and they will be having a meeting soon so maybe that might spark something. I   am trying to show her that I think she is very smart and beautiful . She says but all I want her to do is find friends and she don' want to because she wants to be with us.Which is absouluty so sweet and when I tell my friends they think I am nuts because there child is out all the time sneaking out smoking etc... once she finds out what my friends teens do she is like "omg that is so bad she is going to get kidnapped or she is going to get in trouble"  I don't like her anymore" these are the things she says but to my experience most teens do this or at least try it. Which I have maybe instilled to much of that into her where she is paranoid to go out by herself I am not really sure.How many teens need their mother to go to the bathroom with them in a store??? she is scared she will get kidnapped she tells me. I told her that she can not walk around be scared of things like that just to be alert. It ay still have to do with the things that had happened with my ex her bio dad. Which she refuses to talk to at all. She says she hates him. I explained to her that se should not hate anyone and she should look past it all and just let it all go since we did leave almost 8 years ago. She was in a bad situation which I took her out of .. actually maybe that is the reason she is so clingy to me . I am not a pschologist but who knows. Don't get me wrong I do love that she wants to be with me and do things with me but I think other kids her age would be good too.. Well I will see how things go and get back in touch. Thanks for all your help and advice.,
momof1teen      

[momeluv]

(sorry about the continuing thing but I've lost too many entries cuz i go over the word limit)
I don't know if any of this has helped? If you would like to talk feel free to contact me PM    I would be happy to answer any questions. What i mean to tell ya is that my 2 older kids were antisocial when the were young and grew out of it.  I don't know if I would do the home school thing, cuz like you said she is refusing the other things you are planning for her to develop her social skills.  My youngest one is the opposite of her brother & sister;  She is an extrovert!  I am thinking of home schooling her this year, so that she can pursue  her singing, acting & dancing dreams.  So the only way to do all of it is to school her at home, so she can take acting classes, dancing classes & singing lessons. She wants ot have her own show on Disney!  Look for her in the future!   "LISA"  She is something else.  What are your daughters dreams?  Is she over weight?  What do you think is bothering her? Ok hon, I will close for now.
Look forward to hearing from you;
Bless you both,
D

[momeluv]

continued....
Now my son, he was a very good little boy, sweet & kind, very sensitive.  He also didn't have many friends.  He played well by himself, kept himself entertained.  But it worried me as well.  Then when he got to jr. high, he was still a loner.  Other kids were very cruel to hem.  They picked on him and were physically abusive as well.  He didn't want me to say any thing becuz he said it would make it worse.  So I transfer his school.  SAME THING THERE!  I couldn't take that he was being hurt.   Then he started hanging out with these kids called "GUTTER PUNKS"  OMG!!  He started dressing weird and it scared me.  But he had a lot of new friends. I liked them too.  But they were weird!  The music was strange & scary.  Then we moved to Riverside for a year and he became withdrawn again.  He missed a whole year of school!  But his dad stepped up and took him to live with him and straighted him out!  I think that's what had been missing in his life.  "DAD"  He is now so popular it isn't funny, he has more friends than he knows what to do with.  He dresses normal and just graduated and is going into the Army in a couple of weeks.  (continued)

[momeluv]

Hi Honey:
I went thru this with my 2 older kids.  My oldest daughter is now 21 she is just shy of 6' tall and gorgeous!  But... she wasn't always that way!  She was chubby and would only wear stretchy shorts & over sized t shirts & converse tennies.  She has always had long beautiful hair.  She always stuck up for the underdogs and made friends easy enough she just didn't keep them.  Then the summer before she started jr. high she came to us and wanted to lose weight so that she didn't get teased.  So I put her on weight watchers and she stuck to it and when school started she felt like a million bucks.  She came out of her shell, and went on to do just fine.  Then as a teen ager got involved with the wrong people and the rest is a horror story.  (next comment)

[Jimmy223]

First of all one reason why she doesn't have any friends is because she is getting picked on and whoever befriends her knows that they will most likely take a hard hit in their social life since they hang out with someone other people tease, her being bullied would most likely also be why she hates school so much. Second maybe there is a problem between her and other people when they communicate which would explain why she fights and argues with her friends so much. Let her know she is not alone, somehow find more friends for her, perhaps one of your friend's daughter who just so happens to be around her age. Also talk to her friend too try to keep them together. Also try to find her another hobby, one where she will meet more people. Playing X-box and watching TV won't really let her meet more people though she could invite others over to play xbox or watch TV with her.

[denise_m09]

My 17 yr old daughter is in somewhat a similar situation.  Although she doesn't mind going to school and she has joined the band, she is a loner.  She's had one friend (who I didn't care for) in her life.  She comes home and stays in her room, watching tv and doesn't want to sociate with her family or no one else. I took her to a psychiatrist who diagnosed her w/depression.  She is on medication and she is doing much better.  She is much more socialable now.  She has more friends and wants to go out more.  I feel much better about everything now.

Kids teased my daughter, but I always tell her she is beautiful.  She is smart and she can do anything she wants to do.  I tell her the people who tease her are jealous of her.  I believe u must validate ur child at home.  They will seek the wrong type of validation in street.  

My mother is a playwrite and actress.  She made my daghter participate in one of her plays.  My daughter has now found a new love.  She loves to act.  My daughter is jealous of her younger sister (my youngest daughter is 12, a straight "A" student, a social butterfly and she will tell the world she is beautiful). I always tell my older daughter that everyone is different and GOD gives everyone strengths and talents. I let her know that her and her sister are different and bring different talents and gifts to the table.  She seems to be handling it better.

I would suggest u find out what ur daughter likes and try to get her involved in that. Don't force her to make friends, you will just push her away.  What are her strengths?  Her talents?  Work with that.  Its not going to be easy.  But in the end, its worth it.  I wouldn't say "no" to the drugs they want to give ur daughter.  Its helping my daughter.  Do ur research on the drug they want to give her.  Ask the doctor questions about it.  Its does help.

My daughter bio dad was never in her life and she has a learning disability.  This also played a part in her depression and her not wanting to be around people.  But you have to figure out ways to change things for hte better for ur daughter.  I hope this helps.  I wish u the best.

[Delilah705]

My son went thru the same thing he lways had a stomach ache, he thought he was a dork, and said others picked on him. I did what he said would make him feel better. he is now 24 and he said the love he felt from me helped him, lots of love and always listen to your child helps, my son said he had no clue why he felt that way because he is so handsome but webt thru the clumsy stage, amybe she is to focused on the other teens in school that never seem to go thru that clumsy stage.(the girls we all hated). she needs to feel pretty. maybe a make over to help with self esteem. she will ook back later in life and wonder why she felt this way. i pray for her to see herself in the mirror.