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How do I keep holding on?
I don't know how much longer I can keep holding on... I don't get enough sleep- around 5 hours a night, if that. I'm constantly getting myself into new things, and have no time to slow down- I can't say no to people, and I am in charge of a lot of things. I'm in honors and AP classes (in high school), a lot of clubs(including officer positions in a few), sports, ASB... I'm thinking I might have OCD...
Another problem I have is that I keep showing signs of bulimarexia- I go through cycles where I eat maybe 400 calories a day, and cycles where I eat around 800-1100 calories a day(but purge).
I'm thinking that all of this comes from family problems... My dad was never around until a few years ago when he went through a power trip then fell flat on his feet and became depressed. I believe my mother to be verbally abusive... somehow she always turns everything around so that it's my fault, she makes me feel like all of my accomplishments (and me in general) only drag her down, she has never been there for me emotionally (yet somehow she feels the need to take part in some of my decisions?). In short my dad has only ever provided us with a paycheck, and my mother has only ever provided by driving us places, and occasionally cooking meals (It was always fast food as long as I can remember).
The possible OCD, ED, and family issues are all becoming worse... how do I keep myself holding on? I want to quit...
Another problem I have is that I keep showing signs of bulimarexia- I go through cycles where I eat maybe 400 calories a day, and cycles where I eat around 800-1100 calories a day(but purge).
I'm thinking that all of this comes from family problems... My dad was never around until a few years ago when he went through a power trip then fell flat on his feet and became depressed. I believe my mother to be verbally abusive... somehow she always turns everything around so that it's my fault, she makes me feel like all of my accomplishments (and me in general) only drag her down, she has never been there for me emotionally (yet somehow she feels the need to take part in some of my decisions?). In short my dad has only ever provided us with a paycheck, and my mother has only ever provided by driving us places, and occasionally cooking meals (It was always fast food as long as I can remember).
The possible OCD, ED, and family issues are all becoming worse... how do I keep myself holding on? I want to quit...
Hi Sweetie,
Sorry it seems so rough. Could you have a chat with just your Dad to get some counselling? Or maybe another relative who you trust. If not, google teen depression it seems that there are some sites that may be able to help you get some help. I found a site called Young Womens Health - it's an organization so don't put com at the end but org. It seems that it's written from the teen perpective and has peer groups. Might be worth a look.
I'm sure that somewhere inside you know the eating issue is really important to get a handle on and probably the sooner you can do that the better, your body will not be able to keep up the pace unless it gets all the nutrition it needs and also it will show in your appearence i.e. hair and skin doesn't look so good, features aren't as attractive etc. sounds like you are really pretty so please try to keep healthy to stay looking great.
Great jopb on the singing the National Anthem btw. Wow, i admire that since i can't sing Happy Birthday in tune.
Hey, if your folks are having marital issues it's tough on everybody. Just a tip: when you want to bring up something with your Mom - don't make it about something 'she' could work on, that immediately will put anyone on the defensive, try making it about something you need help with, or something you would 'like' to tell her about or to get her opinion on. If she's as stressed as it sounds maybe you could take a little lead here and use your maturity to help her communicate with you in the way you'd like it to be. I'd start by asking her opinion on something small and insignificant like what to wear (e.g.the red top or blue)- then take her advice, then try something else. Give HER a compliment here and there - try it, you might be amazed how well it works. Be genuine though, compliment her on something you can be sincere about - like "You are always great at driving me to all my event, thanks" Just get started trying to have a positive conversation with her and possibly it could start to be a two way street.
About the church thing, even if you feel your Mom won't support it why not do it anyway, your Mom isn't supporting you singing you say, but you're doing it so you know you can if it's important enough to you. Maybe it's time to put taking care of yourself at the top of the priority list and whether you feel it's supported by others or not just do it. You'll find a way - don't give up.
Take care.
Sorry it seems so rough. Could you have a chat with just your Dad to get some counselling? Or maybe another relative who you trust. If not, google teen depression it seems that there are some sites that may be able to help you get some help. I found a site called Young Womens Health - it's an organization so don't put com at the end but org. It seems that it's written from the teen perpective and has peer groups. Might be worth a look.
I'm sure that somewhere inside you know the eating issue is really important to get a handle on and probably the sooner you can do that the better, your body will not be able to keep up the pace unless it gets all the nutrition it needs and also it will show in your appearence i.e. hair and skin doesn't look so good, features aren't as attractive etc. sounds like you are really pretty so please try to keep healthy to stay looking great.
Great jopb on the singing the National Anthem btw. Wow, i admire that since i can't sing Happy Birthday in tune.
Hey, if your folks are having marital issues it's tough on everybody. Just a tip: when you want to bring up something with your Mom - don't make it about something 'she' could work on, that immediately will put anyone on the defensive, try making it about something you need help with, or something you would 'like' to tell her about or to get her opinion on. If she's as stressed as it sounds maybe you could take a little lead here and use your maturity to help her communicate with you in the way you'd like it to be. I'd start by asking her opinion on something small and insignificant like what to wear (e.g.the red top or blue)- then take her advice, then try something else. Give HER a compliment here and there - try it, you might be amazed how well it works. Be genuine though, compliment her on something you can be sincere about - like "You are always great at driving me to all my event, thanks" Just get started trying to have a positive conversation with her and possibly it could start to be a two way street.
About the church thing, even if you feel your Mom won't support it why not do it anyway, your Mom isn't supporting you singing you say, but you're doing it so you know you can if it's important enough to you. Maybe it's time to put taking care of yourself at the top of the priority list and whether you feel it's supported by others or not just do it. You'll find a way - don't give up.
Take care.
Thank you for looking over my post :)
About the cutting down, i have sort of cut down... i dropped ASB and waterpolo, but joined cross country (for the wrong reasons, i fell like im eating too much, and cross country will help me lose weight...). my grades have also gone down significantly, but everyone assumes its just bc im taking on too much. they dont think about things at home or eating problems. most ppl tent to think im perfect; ive even been titles barbie a few times.
Going to a school nurse wont help me... Altho they keep things confidential, hings are only confidential to an extent. if i told them about my eating problems they would get my parents involved. at times i hate having an eating problems, but at other times it doesnt feel like a disease...
My mom would not get me a counselor. I have pushed 4 counseling for my dad to her bc he is depressed, and ive also pushed 4 marriage counseling for my parents bc they constantly fight. All she ever says is "no." She also doesnt believe anything is wrong with me, and if i thought there was then it would be silly. she would not believe me at all if i went to talk to her.
I know my mom wants the best for me, and she thinks she does an awesome job, but she doesn't. Parents should b there not just physically like for rides, but also emotionally. She is NEVER there for me emotionally. I dont even talk to her about things most girls do, like boy problems. And everytime i bring up something she could work on, she gets pissed. she always turns it into my fault. She even told me that the reason my little brother ha such an attitude is bc of me. idk how she thinks this since im rarely ever home to have such an influence on him... altho she is always having an attitude. She also believes i can never do anything. she doesnt support me being in clubs or sports, and when i told her that i was picked to sing the national anthem at the MS walk this year, she told me that i probly shouldnt do it bc im not good enuf. I know that she is having issues with my father, but she shouldnt take it out on me.
about things like church, i tried getting involved b4 but it just didnt help. That is also another thing that my mom will not support of me.
About the cutting down, i have sort of cut down... i dropped ASB and waterpolo, but joined cross country (for the wrong reasons, i fell like im eating too much, and cross country will help me lose weight...). my grades have also gone down significantly, but everyone assumes its just bc im taking on too much. they dont think about things at home or eating problems. most ppl tent to think im perfect; ive even been titles barbie a few times.
Going to a school nurse wont help me... Altho they keep things confidential, hings are only confidential to an extent. if i told them about my eating problems they would get my parents involved. at times i hate having an eating problems, but at other times it doesnt feel like a disease...
My mom would not get me a counselor. I have pushed 4 counseling for my dad to her bc he is depressed, and ive also pushed 4 marriage counseling for my parents bc they constantly fight. All she ever says is "no." She also doesnt believe anything is wrong with me, and if i thought there was then it would be silly. she would not believe me at all if i went to talk to her.
I know my mom wants the best for me, and she thinks she does an awesome job, but she doesn't. Parents should b there not just physically like for rides, but also emotionally. She is NEVER there for me emotionally. I dont even talk to her about things most girls do, like boy problems. And everytime i bring up something she could work on, she gets pissed. she always turns it into my fault. She even told me that the reason my little brother ha such an attitude is bc of me. idk how she thinks this since im rarely ever home to have such an influence on him... altho she is always having an attitude. She also believes i can never do anything. she doesnt support me being in clubs or sports, and when i told her that i was picked to sing the national anthem at the MS walk this year, she told me that i probly shouldnt do it bc im not good enuf. I know that she is having issues with my father, but she shouldnt take it out on me.
about things like church, i tried getting involved b4 but it just didnt help. That is also another thing that my mom will not support of me.
Hi,
I'm a Mom and was on medhelp for my own issues but saw the teen depression heading and browsed because I know my 16 year old son is depressed. I am no expert - not even at being a Mom, it's tougher than you think, and we screw it up all the time, hopefully somehow things work out more on the better side than not!
Anyway, I just wanted to say to you that you sound like a really amazing kid! To be doing well in school, especially with honors and AP classes, plus be involved in all sorts of other clubs etc. is amazing - please give yourself some credit for the things you are great at. Yes, you may be doing too much, you know that so you can then figure out the logical steps to reduce the load. But, I guess if you were not able to do that yet then is the reason you do so much that you are looking for the recognition that you feel you are not getting in other areas of your life? Maybe just seeing that may help you cut down the load, realizing that just to be doing well academically and participating in one or two other activities is fantastic and way more than the average kid.
The not sleeping and bulimia type issues are very real physical problems that can harm your body - you're smart you know that, can you please recognise that you may need some assistance to help you with that? Is there a school nurse than you can go to? I know at my son's school they are bound to keep anything you say confidential if you ask them to.
Would your parents support you going to a counsellor? It might be a good way to deal with most of the issues and you may be able to get your parents involved at some point too and resolve some of the stress you are feeling in your relationships with both of them.
When you said your Mom is overprotective it reminded me of things my son says about me. I feel I yell at him too much (always late for school, not polite, not doing homework etc.) and it ***** for both of us! I hate yelling at him but sometimes I don't know what else to do and my nerves just can't handle it so I lose my cool. I am by no means the perfect parent and truthfully I don't know how many are. But, what I do know for sure is that I really love my son and and really want the best for him, so I may be overprotective - but I would say about your Mom is that by being 'overprotective' at least in a way she is letting you know she cares - it may be tough to translate because it's annoying to you, but really if she didn't care would she be overprotective? Also, what is overprotective, it's very subjective, every person has a differen level where they draw the line. Maybe counselling may help both of you define boundaries that can work for both of you by working out some give and take.
Also, please consider that you Mom might be having issues too. She may even be depressed or having hormonal issues, relationship issues, financial worries etc. that she doesn't want to burden you with because it's not what you are supposed to do as a parent. It's a nasty trick that Mother Nature plays on us to give us the whole menopause thing (depression, mood swings, feeling like ****) just when our kid's hormones are going off the charts crazy.
Being a teenager is hard, and paranting a teenager is hard too.
I think you know that your eating issues and over-achievement are symptoms of an emotional issue just as my sons F grades are too (he's super smart too, top end of the gifted range). We had a 'not present Dad' too, actually so did I growing up - please know you are not alone. But, hey, even if it's 'just a pay-check' be grateful for that - it really ***** to not have that! When you focus on all the stuff that you don't like about life you are putting yourself into a situation where it's going to be tough to change. Do you have a church (don't freak - stay with me here). From dealing with my own depression I know that doing something that can give a spiritual dimension to life and be very positive and help you to see what is good and eventually the more you focus on the good stuff the more you expand the energy of that. A simple start may be a gratitude journal, write three things every night that you are grateful for, may seem simple but it really works. Even if you can't think of anything write something, maybe you like the color of the walls in your bedroom - be grateful for it, you are smart and do well in school - be grateful...get the idea? I go to Abraham-Hicks on the web and get daily positive messages - they have some great books and CD's - the concept may seem a little 'out there' but the principals are fantastic. Louise Hay has a really great movie that even my son watched and made him feel better.
Ok, I've written way too much - you already have too much to do so sorry to take so much of your time.
Good luck to you, send me a message and let me know how you are doing. Please know that you are loved, even if you feel your parents don't show it - if you sit quiet and look into your soul you'll find the love. I love you for helping me see a little of my son's struggle in your message - thanks.
I'm a Mom and was on medhelp for my own issues but saw the teen depression heading and browsed because I know my 16 year old son is depressed. I am no expert - not even at being a Mom, it's tougher than you think, and we screw it up all the time, hopefully somehow things work out more on the better side than not!
Anyway, I just wanted to say to you that you sound like a really amazing kid! To be doing well in school, especially with honors and AP classes, plus be involved in all sorts of other clubs etc. is amazing - please give yourself some credit for the things you are great at. Yes, you may be doing too much, you know that so you can then figure out the logical steps to reduce the load. But, I guess if you were not able to do that yet then is the reason you do so much that you are looking for the recognition that you feel you are not getting in other areas of your life? Maybe just seeing that may help you cut down the load, realizing that just to be doing well academically and participating in one or two other activities is fantastic and way more than the average kid.
The not sleeping and bulimia type issues are very real physical problems that can harm your body - you're smart you know that, can you please recognise that you may need some assistance to help you with that? Is there a school nurse than you can go to? I know at my son's school they are bound to keep anything you say confidential if you ask them to.
Would your parents support you going to a counsellor? It might be a good way to deal with most of the issues and you may be able to get your parents involved at some point too and resolve some of the stress you are feeling in your relationships with both of them.
When you said your Mom is overprotective it reminded me of things my son says about me. I feel I yell at him too much (always late for school, not polite, not doing homework etc.) and it ***** for both of us! I hate yelling at him but sometimes I don't know what else to do and my nerves just can't handle it so I lose my cool. I am by no means the perfect parent and truthfully I don't know how many are. But, what I do know for sure is that I really love my son and and really want the best for him, so I may be overprotective - but I would say about your Mom is that by being 'overprotective' at least in a way she is letting you know she cares - it may be tough to translate because it's annoying to you, but really if she didn't care would she be overprotective? Also, what is overprotective, it's very subjective, every person has a differen level where they draw the line. Maybe counselling may help both of you define boundaries that can work for both of you by working out some give and take.
Also, please consider that you Mom might be having issues too. She may even be depressed or having hormonal issues, relationship issues, financial worries etc. that she doesn't want to burden you with because it's not what you are supposed to do as a parent. It's a nasty trick that Mother Nature plays on us to give us the whole menopause thing (depression, mood swings, feeling like ****) just when our kid's hormones are going off the charts crazy.
Being a teenager is hard, and paranting a teenager is hard too.
I think you know that your eating issues and over-achievement are symptoms of an emotional issue just as my sons F grades are too (he's super smart too, top end of the gifted range). We had a 'not present Dad' too, actually so did I growing up - please know you are not alone. But, hey, even if it's 'just a pay-check' be grateful for that - it really ***** to not have that! When you focus on all the stuff that you don't like about life you are putting yourself into a situation where it's going to be tough to change. Do you have a church (don't freak - stay with me here). From dealing with my own depression I know that doing something that can give a spiritual dimension to life and be very positive and help you to see what is good and eventually the more you focus on the good stuff the more you expand the energy of that. A simple start may be a gratitude journal, write three things every night that you are grateful for, may seem simple but it really works. Even if you can't think of anything write something, maybe you like the color of the walls in your bedroom - be grateful for it, you are smart and do well in school - be grateful...get the idea? I go to Abraham-Hicks on the web and get daily positive messages - they have some great books and CD's - the concept may seem a little 'out there' but the principals are fantastic. Louise Hay has a really great movie that even my son watched and made him feel better.
Ok, I've written way too much - you already have too much to do so sorry to take so much of your time.
Good luck to you, send me a message and let me know how you are doing. Please know that you are loved, even if you feel your parents don't show it - if you sit quiet and look into your soul you'll find the love. I love you for helping me see a little of my son's struggle in your message - thanks.
About the telling my mom that her words hurt me... I've told her this several times before. She doesn't listen. It's like she is in her own little world, and whenever I try to say something about how she is constantly hurting me, it either doesn't enter her world, or she turns it on how it's my fault she is like that.
And the parents be parents, problem is they never have acted like them, except my mom when she becomes too overprotective. Ive tried several times, but it's like they can't get their heads out of their butts.
and the activities... i enjoy them, to an extent. But the part of me that i think is OCD makes me try 2 become an officer in the clubs, or get more involved, and also makes it so that I can't let go...
And the eating thing... it's not something i can/want to control right now... I know its kinda bad, but I want 2 lose weight. It isn't my main problem right now...
And the parents be parents, problem is they never have acted like them, except my mom when she becomes too overprotective. Ive tried several times, but it's like they can't get their heads out of their butts.
and the activities... i enjoy them, to an extent. But the part of me that i think is OCD makes me try 2 become an officer in the clubs, or get more involved, and also makes it so that I can't let go...
And the eating thing... it's not something i can/want to control right now... I know its kinda bad, but I want 2 lose weight. It isn't my main problem right now...
Let's see...your not sleeping properly, taking on more than you have (new things), constant fast pace lifestyle, unable to say no (this is a big one), good grades, very active in school (maybe too much), eating disorder if you are purging, disfunctional family, verbally abuse.
You are taking on more than what you can handle. Fast pace lifestyle, high stress, no sleeping properly and eating disorder and family not functioning properly all leads to severe depression and poor health.
You need to stop and take notes of what you can do and what you need to back off from in order to begin stabalizing your life.
1) Start eating properly and seek help for purging ( it's unatural, unhealthy and can be dangerous and you are doing this to yourself). Don't be your own worst enemy. Your body it telling you that you are abusing it.
2) You can't function without at least 8 hrs rest. That is how your body's cell regenerate and heal themselves. You are debilitating your immune systems if you don't eat and have at least 8 hours sleep to feel refreshed and ready to go in the the morning.
3) You must learn to just simply say "no". You can't worry about what everyone will think of you. There are ways of saying no without hurting feelings. Just say, I'm sorry, but I am unable to take this on at this time" or I'm sorry, but I have a full load"....you must learn to say no or you are a perfect target for people walking all over you.
4) Step out of the family issued....let your parents be parents and handle their own personal problems. Your focus should be in school, making that grade and improving your life. Surround yourself with good people, good friends and a healthy environment and your will flourish.
5) Tell your mom that her words are hurting you and I'm sure once she becomes aware, she will back off, but let that parents deal with parent issues and you take care of you health and do well in school. Cut down on some of you activities and simply say "no"...good luck, Judy
You are taking on more than what you can handle. Fast pace lifestyle, high stress, no sleeping properly and eating disorder and family not functioning properly all leads to severe depression and poor health.
You need to stop and take notes of what you can do and what you need to back off from in order to begin stabalizing your life.
1) Start eating properly and seek help for purging ( it's unatural, unhealthy and can be dangerous and you are doing this to yourself). Don't be your own worst enemy. Your body it telling you that you are abusing it.
2) You can't function without at least 8 hrs rest. That is how your body's cell regenerate and heal themselves. You are debilitating your immune systems if you don't eat and have at least 8 hours sleep to feel refreshed and ready to go in the the morning.
3) You must learn to just simply say "no". You can't worry about what everyone will think of you. There are ways of saying no without hurting feelings. Just say, I'm sorry, but I am unable to take this on at this time" or I'm sorry, but I have a full load"....you must learn to say no or you are a perfect target for people walking all over you.
4) Step out of the family issued....let your parents be parents and handle their own personal problems. Your focus should be in school, making that grade and improving your life. Surround yourself with good people, good friends and a healthy environment and your will flourish.
5) Tell your mom that her words are hurting you and I'm sure once she becomes aware, she will back off, but let that parents deal with parent issues and you take care of you health and do well in school. Cut down on some of you activities and simply say "no"...good luck, Judy
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