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How to help my daughter
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How to help my daughter

My daughters father has not talked to her since about this time last year.  He always told my daughter who is now 15 it was her job to call him and would often guilt trip her when she didn't.  Last year she called him on his birthday and he asked if he could call her back.  He still has not called back.  He refuses to call her.  I wrote him a letter a few months back explaining that this was straining their relationship and that she did have a desire to talk to him.  Through the grape vine she heard that her dad expects her to apologize for something....she has no idea what.  

Recently her father's  girlfriend contacted her by email to say that she knows this is not her fault and doesn't understand why her dad won't call her.  

Even though my daughter has put on a brave front...this really effects her.  After school on Wednesday I had a conversation with her and found out that she feels abandoned and rejected by her father.  She was very tearful and emotional the remainder of the evening.  I have tried numerous times to get her to talk, but it is difficult when she always says she is "fine" or "nothing is wrong"....I know that is typical for this age.  

I want her to ask for help, but she feels bad when she does.  She is afraid to ask for help from males particularly and I think she avoids asking for help in fear that it will upset her.  I am at a loss as to what to do at this point and how to help her with this.  There is clearly a deep seeded fear in her of men in general which began in 5th grade when her male teacher was, well, less than encouraging towards her.  He often told her that her problem was she didn't WANT to do well in school.  Ever since then she has a real problem asking for help, especially from males even as harmless as they seem.  I would hate to see her continue on this path when it is clear that avoiding male teachers, bosses and men is not an option.

Any advice or recommendations you have would be greatly appreciated.
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3 Comments Post a Comment
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222282_tn?1210168539
hi , im not sure how well you comunicate with your ex or his gf but forward this post to them let them know how much its getting to her as its a crucial time in her life for "male inspiration 2 and havin a negative male outlook will cause problems with her future relationships !
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Avatar_f_tn
I tried writing a letter to my ex.  He didn't respond to me, nor did he call his daughter.  In the letter I explained that this was ruining their relationship.  I am very concerned about her continuing to have this negative male outlook with future relationships.  I have recommended that my daughter write him a letter in her own hand writing that explains how SHE feels.  As of yesterday it has been exactly a year since they had spoken.  When my daughter was asked why she doesn't just call him...she said because that would make her feel "weak" in this situation.  So this is clearly a power struggle between parent and child.  But really...I think she is also afraid to call him....because when she didn't call all the time before (Note: HE NEVER CALLS HER) he would give her a guilt trip...or his girlfriend would...his girlfriends ADULT children would guilt trip her through myspace and emails and IM's to the point she had to block them.  They would accuse her of ONLY calling around the holidays so she could get presents from her dad...which was not true.  The guilt trips were out of control and it is what caused my daughter to stop making all the effort.  She got tired of feeling like crud because she was being expected to be the adult and make all the communication efforts.
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Avatar_n_tn
I am 15 myself. I know you said your daughter felt abandoned and rejected by her father but does SHE WANT a close relationship with her father after feeling abandoned and rejecteD?
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