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I am 19 and i feel helpless and suicidal
gained weight 20 kilograms in two years

when someone talks to me i feel cranky, like i feel everyone is talking in a bad way to me or i get angry by little things.

i don't feel sociable, i don't fit in anywhere... i have problems socializing... Because i don't have anything to say...

Sometimes i get bad moods and instead of showing anything: such as anger, sadness or anything i don't show, i just shut up and swallow my suffering...

Sometimes i think about suicide but i know i wouldnt...

Im studying graphic design, just finishing it, im heterosexual, no girlfriend right now...

i really feel like nobody loves me... Nobody shows me love or signs of love. People often ignores me...

I had sexuality issues during the last years...

Im 19 yo...

I have lost my last friends. I used to have a lot of friends... To put an example, when i was 17 i invited over my apartment only my nearest friends and they didn't fit in my apartment, they were around 30... in my 19 birthday, one of my friends that i hang around the most with didnt show up, and there were, members of my family and just two friends i think, in total around 7 members including my family...

I have several frustrations as i am 19 and i think i will never get married, and never get a car or a house... I want a car but i just don't know how to get it... I am not from a rich family, My mom is a surgeon  and my dad owns a restaurant but that doesnt seem to help as they don't earn enough money to help me out in that way...

I don't see my dad anymore, only when i work with him on weekends...

He is often depressed also.

I wouldnt want to seek professional help as i don't think they would understand neither my family or close friends, they would think im stupid or something...

People says im cute or good looking but my self steem is always low and i always think im ugly...

I always cheat on my girlfriends and i end up ******* up my relationships as i am very unstable, and my last relationship was pure sexual and with a cousin...

I always think too much about everything, and i think im very clever and i have several gifts and abilities but i lack confidence and i don't show them and people thinks im stupid...

there are a lot of problems excluding those i mentioned but lets just end by saying i often feel depressed, since i was 14, and lacking energy and feeling worthless... thank you for your replies, they'll be apreciated.

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Avatar universal
Ok lets take a step back here. I think you should be more open. Try to meet new people. You mention talents that you have. Go out there and join a club for what it is you are into and if one doesn't already exist, start your own. You can make friends and it will be a breeze to talk to them cuz you have something to talk about. As for your parents, try to eat with your dad on lunch break or catch him at a time when he can't not talk to you. Look for people that allow you to feel comfortable and dont worry there are plenty of people out there for you...be patient for the right one!
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