Lately I've been feeling like I don't have anything about me that's even worth bothering to pay attention to. I have emotions that are heightened. I feel EVERYTHING. My emotions are amplified, heightened, larger than they should be. I feel like all I ever do -- and have ever done -- is hurt the people I love. I've never had many friends. I push people away without even TRYING to. I hurt them by being just really cutting and vicious and I never try to, but it just happens, and then once I realize what I've done, some subconscious part of me has to finish what I've started and I end up "cutting the head off the chicken" with a cleaver made of cutting words meant to hurt them, and then since I've hurt someone, I feel like I have to hurt myself in response. I end up just mindlessly leaving the room and locking myself away & won't let myself come out to do ANYTHING because I've banned myself from being around people. It's the weirdest thing. it's like my emotions rule me and I can't get past them. & when I try to go fix what I've done, I get so afraid to leave my room because I've already made myself look like an idiot, with all this anxiety just flooding over me and I can't do it. I don't know what to do. I feel like everyone would be so much better off if I didn't even exist. I feel like my Mom would be so much better off without me in the mix. One less mouth to feed, one less kid to yell at and get stressed over because I create these consequences for myself that hurt her, too. I feel like I'm so self destructive, so doom-impending on myself that I can't let myself have a NORMAL teenage life like NORMAL people do. I think I'm bipolar with all my stupid mood swings that take a serious swing at the people I love. I feel like I can't laugh, can't experience the world the way I SHOULD. So many times I've wanted to just end my life, take away this gruesome pain in side of me, with a little pills and a bathtub full of water, but I'm so scared of death it's not even funny. I just don't know what to do. I want to fix myself so badly. I'm so tired of letting my stupid emotions control me. (and if ANYONE says ANYTHING about this just "being my age" or "my hormones," I will seriously explode. That's what happened when I went to go talk to a counselor about it. That's not advice, it's more of an opinion.This is serious stuff.) I just need help. Please! I'm begging someone. What is it that I can do to end all of this?