I hate my self .I hate my life

I'm really depressed  lately. I want to kill myself to end this misery. My parents and sisters doesn't know that I'm going through this problems , Cause I know they wouldn't understand. I used to be a fashion student. But I stop cause I suddenly feel that this is not the job or career path for me. I'm ugly , fat and I'm not good at anything. I'm really sad. I know that I'm really a big disappointment to everyone. To my old classmates , to my friends , to my parents. I know they had high expectations for me But i failed them. I even cut all my connections with my friends. I'm so  scared to see them. I also had friends that I met online. But one of them bullied me because of my wrong grammar. I really feel bad about it. I lose my self-esteem , I want to apply on some jobs but I'm scared to meet new people. I even feel that God doesn't want me too.. I feel so alone. I want to kill myself but I'm afraid too. I don't know what should I do..

[AngieWay15]

Janinah, I may not be the best person to give life saving advice, but I will tell you this: you are young, it's okay if things seen off right now. Things are sometimes going to be that way. The only way to change them is is believe they can be changed and then go out and make your dreams a reality. You have your whole life ahead of you. You can meet new people when your ready and once you find the right friends, you won't have to worry. Everyone gets self conscience or doubts themselves. And seriously, I doubt you are 'fat.' Everyone turns out they way they are meant to be. If what God thinks is affecting your life, just take a step back for a minute. If that's what you believe in that's fine by me, but you don't need anyone's approval. Try to tell your parents or a family me ever you trust. That can make all the difference. They care about you and can help you through this. Message me if you ever want to talk. -Angie

[LostinRed]

Life is hard but good to.  You are in charge of your joy factor.  If you realize you are depressed then I urge you to seek medical advice.  If you have faith in God then ask for His help to pull yourself out of this.  God will send help but you have to try yo help yourself too.  I know it will be hard.  Through medicine and faith you can come through this and possibly help someone else.  After a time of depression myself I am beginning to feel better.  My life is still hard but I praise God for His help.  You can get through this.

[janinah]

thank you guys for the advice , I really feel that i'm so useless..I pray a lot , but sometimes i feel like God isn't listening to me..or he doesn't really care to my problems. I know i need to seek for medical advice. I think I'm bipolar or had a borderline depression.   But I'm living on a country where they think having those kind of disorder means insanity..i feel really bad about what's happening to my life. Eveything is making me more sad,