Teen Depression Community
I hate myself
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I hate myself

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I have anxiety and I have always been extremely insecure. I think I believed one day I would just develop it and know I'm 15 years old and I cry every time I look in the mirror. I am certainly ashamed of who I am. I would be someone else in a heartbeat if I could. I have never really liked someone as much as this boy I knew for 3 years but just started talking to about 2 months ago. We talked a lot and I actually thought despite what I looked like, he liked me. And he made me really happy. Our conversations consisted of everything you could think of. I thought I mattered to him more than I did. I thought he liked me, But he didn't and I put so much effort in the relationship. He even told me I was different from other girls, and he is particularly different from other guys so I thought maybe it could work. He made me feel amazing. And I know im kinda young but I only like someone and ive never done that before. I personally believe I have a great personality. I am easy to talk to, and I have deep conversations with people. I am very kind to everyone, but most people think I am annoying if I care too much and I know for a fact that would be different if I were pretty. This person I liked told my other friend that hes tired of me and I don't know whats wrong with me.I just wish I was beautiful.  And it kills me that its something that I cant change, well for now. I just don't picture myself being proud of who I am while looking like this. Its not even a confidence problem because I know the difference between ugly and pretty. I definitely will get cosmetic surgery, but  I don't know how to be happy right now. I cry so often and I cant stop. I am anxious all of the time. I just haven't been happy in so long an I don't know what to do. I have never considered suicide because that is selfish but I just loathe myself and I don't feel like living anymore.
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