I hate myself

[tutu426]

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I have anxiety and I have always been extremely insecure. I think I believed one day I would just develop it and know I'm 15 years old and I cry every time I look in the mirror. I am certainly ashamed of who I am. I would be someone else in a heartbeat if I could. I have never really liked someone as much as this boy I knew for 3 years but just started talking to about 2 months ago. We talked a lot and I actually thought despite what I looked like, he liked me. And he made me really happy. Our conversations consisted of everything you could think of. I thought I mattered to him more than I did. I thought he liked me, But he didn't and I put so much effort in the relationship. He even told me I was different from other girls, and he is particularly different from other guys so I thought maybe it could work. He made me feel amazing. And I know im kinda young but I only like someone and ive never done that before. I personally believe I have a great personality. I am easy to talk to, and I have deep conversations with people. I am very kind to everyone, but most people think I am annoying if I care too much and I know for a fact that would be different if I were pretty. This person I liked told my other friend that hes tired of me and I don't know whats wrong with me.I just wish I was beautiful.  And it kills me that its something that I cant change, well for now. I just don't picture myself being proud of who I am while looking like this. Its not even a confidence problem because I know the difference between ugly and pretty. I definitely will get cosmetic surgery, but  I don't know how to be happy right now. I cry so often and I cant stop. I am anxious all of the time. I just haven't been happy in so long an I don't know what to do. I have never considered suicide because that is selfish but I just loathe myself and I don't feel like living anymore.

[Rakesh_1234]

Hey....Hi.dear ! As you told in your post that you are very much depressed by the break-up with your boyfriend but if  you think that this happened bcoz you are not pretty then it is not right. I think if wud be reason....your BF wud never take interest in you.
          As you mentioned in your post that many people have told you that you care too much . I also believe that when you care too much it become annoying for your partner in any  relationship and they don't like to stay with you  anymore. In your case you put extra efforts...and may be this extra had irritated your boyfriend very much. So in future you should take care of it.
                  As tori has advised you in her post that you should not put the key of your happiness in others pocket. Don't depend on anybody. And     Don't be depressed dear......you are just 15 dear.....you are a young girl....you will get many good boys in your life.......just be  yourself....don't make any extra efforts to impress anyone or  get anybody's attention. you are perfect..you don't need to be someone else. Just  Try to be happy.... do what you like....what give you happiness..ok. Best of luck

[Tori9898]

Hey, I'm really sorry to hear about this guy, it made me sad because you sound like a really nice person. I stuggle with depression and it sounds like you do too. I use to put my happiness in the hands of other people but I learend something. They'll drop it everytime. The only one that can be there for you is you. As long as you wait for this boy to come around you are nearly a slave to him. Try to look at your situation for what it really is. See what you can control and what you can't. And learn to not care about that which you can't control. I know you think your not pretty and there's no way I can talk you out of it because its all in your perception. You've got to change your definiton of beautiful, because from this short gimpse I've got of you, you like a pretty beaitiful person to me. Anyway, I hope you feel better.
- Tori