I need help?

[guitaronfire716]

recently my girlfriend broke up with me.. these lead to thoughts that it was all my fault.. that i always **** up and I can't do anything right.. the last 2 other relationships ended the same way.. and i think its mostly because i take my anger out on them and drop all my feelings on them at once and they can't take it.. i feel like i need a girl in my life to rely on and keep myself together. nothing else really matters. i have had all these symptoms for years

    I often feel anxious or sad.
    I feel guilty or worthless.
    I am irritable and lose control easily.
    I am less hungry than usual. (except sometimes i eat more than usual)
    I don’t enjoy doing things that used to make me happy.
    I don’t have much energy to get through the day.
    I sleep much more or much less than normal.
    I find it hard to concentrate.
    I have been loud and had emotional outbursts.
    I have been skipping school or other activities.
    I have headaches and body aches.
    I drink alcohol and do drugs to make me feel more “normal.”
    I don’t have much hope for the future.
    I feel like my life will never get better.
    I think about death or hurting myself.

I hate school more than others and i have ABOSOLUTELY no energy at all! no matter how much sleep i get i wake up exhausted and feel that way for the rest of the day. i've went through a lot of **** that i think has really ****** me up. im not going to go into detail i just need something to fix this. I've tried therapy. it doesn't help and it's stupid, also, it makes me feel like even more of a fuckup that i had to take therapy in the first place. my mom denies that i have bipolar or depression disorders. i hide my true feelings from others to feel normal. i'm scared and i'm tired of being this way.

[AngieWay15]

It sound like your going through something new and confusing, which is totally relatable. Way too relatable...helplogan has really said it all but if you want to talk to someone I am a good listener :) -Angie

[helplogan]

Hi, that's a lot of feelings you are dealing with no wonder you are overwhelmed..  Where to start, you don't mention how old you are but going through your teenage years can be a nightmare, hormones and people often also struggle with not being a child but also not being a full adult  either. Not knowing who you are appears to be a normal teenage feeling, I say appears because I have had bipolar disorder since I was 13, my eldest son has recently diagnosed bipolar disorder and my youngest son has Adhd which he has had since he was 4 years old. So on being a normal teenager I struggle but with if we are discussing growing up with mental health problems I hope I can help a little
Self blame and looking for a reason for everything is normal but how you seem to be dealing with it is obviously something you need help with.
You sound beaten down, depressed anxious aswell as angry and when these feelings are magnified trying to function can become hard if not impossible. You only mention briefly your parents, can you speak to them about how you are feeling? You will probably find they have an idea something is wrong but are either waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to tell them or as in most parents cases they don't know what to say or where to start when it comes to helping you. My mum never understood, all she did was tell me there was something wrong with me ( I already knew that thank you ;-)  ) ,  some people without a mental health problem I feel struggle to understand what it's like,  especially a mood disorder or I have found especially bipolar disorder.  You do need to start by speaking to someone about how you feel and with support go to see your doctor for a review of your symptoms and then he can advise you whether you need a. Psychiatrists help. They are who generally diagnose a mental illness, if there is one and if treatment like medication is needed. Unfortunately seeing a doctor is a must if it is effecting your life as much as you have said. I didn't get treatment for years because I became very good at putting on the I'm fine, I can cope front on when infact I was falling apart inside I could never understand why I couldn't be happy like my friends, why was I either very depressed, or manic or I would get very agitated and feel both manic and depressed all at once.  On the outside you may be only letting people see what you accidentally let slip out when you are so angry, or when it is too much you cry yourself to sleep. People around you will only know what's going on if you tell them, parents, a family member, a friend , someone who can support you while you explore what's wrong with a doctor whether it be bipolar disorder, depression whatever the conclusion is help is definitely needed before things have a chance to get worse.
Let me know how you are doing and I'm around if you ever need a chat as I'm sure are other people on this site.
Take carex

[guitaronfire716]

i tend to freak out on people really bad as well.. i can hold it back more than i use to be able to now though.. i use to freak out, cuss at teachers, family, friends, whoever and let all my feelings out on them.. i still do it sometimes , i become destructive, a couple weeks ago i didnt want to go to school so my mom broke my door down which led me to destroying her door

[guitaronfire716]

not to also mention that last night i cried myself to sleep thinking of all the memories i had with her and thinking of ways to hurt myself..