Okay so I started fighting with my friend lets call her Claire. Anyways Claire and I were fighting over the fact that she's changed and started calling herself a plastic. You know from the movie mean girls? Well she's started to act like them and get really bitchy at times. Her and the other plastics actually have a burn book! I'm pretty sure one of my best friends is in it. We shall call her Sarah. So Claire and I weren't talking cause I was really pissed that they might have put Sarah in the burn book. Might have but Claire put one of her supposed "best friends" in it. Anyways I started talking with one of the plastics (let's call her mindy) anyways mindy and I were talking and she hasn't really changed at all from last year. I told her about how I've been suicidal for 4 or 5 years now(I'm only 13) she was really upset. I told her how in grades 5,6&7 I failed my suicide attempts and she said she started crying ( we were texting) I also told her how last year I started cutting myself and couldnt stop. Explaining how it can become addictive. I was talking with Sarah today and she was pretty much saying the same things as mindy "youre pretty. You have no reason to self harm. Everyone loves you. You're not fat." but they don't understand that I might not be fat on the outside to them but on the inside, in my mind all I see is a disgusting, grotesquely huge monster that should have a paper bag over its head. Anyways I wish I could take back telling them because I don't think they'll look at me the same way and if I lose them I honestly think I might commit suicide$:
You are so young, and I really wish i could talk to you other than on here. I have a 15 year old neice, who is going thru some things as well, and i hate seeing young girls face issues like this. sound like you may need some new friends. committing suicide is not the answer. i am sure you have family and real friends that love you and would hate to lose you. those girls are just that, friends. if they dont love you for you, then they aren't worth your friendship. but sweety you have to love yourself first. please don't think about suicide again. talk to someone anyone, an adult that you trust. if that doesnt work or you don't want to, please message me so i can send you my number. i don't know u, but i love you. keep your head up little sister.
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