I use to love my life a lot. I'm 16 and I have amazing parents and a great family life, and I loved my friends. But now, I am really depressed all the time. I'm one of the smartest people in my grade, so I spend most of my time doing schoolwork. And as much as I hate studying, I do it because I know if I keep my grades up I can get the hell out of this place when I go to college. I'm applying to only Ivy League schools, so my grades are really important to me. I feel like school consumes my life. Also, not to sound snooty, but I'm smarter than all my friends, so I find them boring to hang out with. I feel like I'm more mature than them. In addition, I only find older guys attractive. I've really only been with older guys, but like way older, like 8-10 years older. I find accomplished mid 20 year old guys really attractive because I'm mature for my age. Most of the time I end up being used by these older guys. Every time I say I am going to take a break from relationships, I meet a guy who I can't resist, and I get hurt. I don't want to stop, which scares me. I've recently fallen hard for a guy 10 years older than me. He's attractive, and smart, and I really want him. My friends aren't there for me because I don't tell them about my relationships with these guys because I don't want people to think I'm a **** even though I have been with so many guys. I literally want to cry and scream and then I want to run away and away and away and I need help and there's no one I can talk to and please don't judge me I just need someone to tell me it will be okay someday. I am just so depressed all the time, and not depressed like I want to kill myself. Just depressed like I need something or someone new in my life. I've felt this way before, and usually I change things up by breaking it off with the guy I'm with and finding someone new, but it never works. My life is so boring. I just want to run away and never look back but I've put so much into my schoolwork. I need help.
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