Ive always been the kid that loved showing off, and always wanted to be centre of attention. Ive got loving parents, a group of friends. My parents are pretty well off financially, ive got a smartphone, pc etc.i basically have everything i could ever want.
But lately, ive started feeling like ****. About 7 months ago i started feeling sad. I stopped sleeping well, lucky to get 5 hours a night. I stopped playing a game called minecraft. This was a huge part of my life and i had a group of close virtual friends. I just told them i was leaving, and vanished. My eating patterns went crazy and i began eating very little the majority of the time, and then having huge 'binges' i guess you could call them. I would eat icecream, fruit, anything i could get. I told one close friend, but i felt she didnt really understand.
Then i went back to school. Ive taken more days off sick than i did all of last year in one half term, i felt faint, dizzy and nauseous and just wouldnt move. My grades have slipped, im doing homework at the last minute and teachers have begun to notice my change in personality. My eating continued to go down; sometimes as little as 400 calories a day,
Now my head is killing me. Not with headaches (although due to lack of sleep i do get lots) but with words. Calling myself fat, ugly, etc. i stopped eating normally; only having occasional meals due to one of my 'internet friends' i mentioned earlier. I began to hate the person in the mirror, started weighing myself. Im exactly right for my height, 112lb at 5"3 but i still feel fat. Im not sure if ive experienced any weight changes lately but the not feeling hungry/binging circuit is still repeating.
I tried talking to my parents. I told them as much of this as i felt comfortable, then said its been going on for 6/7 months (truthfully it has). They laughed and told me just because i was having a bad day didnt mean i had depression. They were very supportive, but soon after told me i needed to grow up and move on from this. Im a competitive gymnast and amateur pianist so the demands on my body are extreme both mentally and physically. I also have friendship stresses going on at school and the entire problem of homework etc.
This is killing me, i feel so alone. Nobody seems to want me, nobody seems to care. I cant go to a doctor on my own, and i wouldnt ever want to tell a teacher. The other day i broke down completely, i just wanted to disappear. I made a cut on my finger, hoping it would ease the pain i felt inside. It didnt, but it did snap me to my senses. Ive promised myself i wont ever, EVER harm myself again, but im petrified next time i wont be able to stop myself. I get easily anxious, feel like i want to cry constantly, and now and then have minor panic attacks.
Please, i need help. I want to go to somebody, but im worried of opening up and getting hurt. Is this depression or just a bad case of teen moodiness? I hope somebody, anybody takes the time to read this. Im stuck in this circuit and im worried about losing, myself even more.
You can become depressed at any age no matter how young. Please go get help. It sounds like severe depression, and it's only going to get worse without help. Your parents are negligent since they won't get you help. Go to a school official about this! Tell them you tried to ask your parents for help but they laughed and such. Tell them everything. You need someone in person to talk to and discuss things with, preferably a trained professional, and your only route to that is through outside help as your family has proven they aren't going to help.
I was depressed the majority of my teen years, and I wish now that I had gotten help immediately. I wasted so many years and I still struggle to overcome habits I got into to protect myself from further hurt. I thought I was fat when I was not. I thought no one could possibly like me or be interested in me, all these sort of self-deprecating thoughts. Even now, it's hard for me to stay away from that sort of thought pattern.
As a gymnast, you need more than 400 calories. You're heading toward a path you don't want to go health-wise.
Please tell a school worker or school counselor as soon as possible! You deserve to and can be happy!
Hey, I was in the same boat and I think it's Depression. What you've displayed here are the main signs of it. You can go to local GP?
As for your parents maybe they just maybe don't want to believe it or just haven't paying close enough attention to your habits.
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