My 14 year old is Anti Social

Is it normal for a 14 year old boy to stay home every weekend, his school friends go to movies, bowling etc..he just stays home plays his video games looks at youtube and watches TV. He has Facebook and myspace accounts that he hardly gets on because he says they are stupid. He says that popular kids are stupid. He get straight A's  & behaves like a "nerd" but thinks he is in the "normal" crowd. I hate labeling him but I don't know how else to explain it. My wife and I are on the verge of divorce because of it. She thinks he is fine and normal. When he does hang out with friends it's always the same younger video gamer friend. We don't go to church, he doesn't play any sports so he doesn't have any kind of social outlets outside of school. He shows no intrest in being a part of anything. He wants to go to college but I think if this continue he will just want to stay home and play games all day. He played soccer for 6 years adn now he just says he hates it. He doesn't want to be a part of anything. My wife feels that it's normal to be home every weekend at 14? Am I pushing too hard for him to be with his friends or should I just let him be? It's to the point that every weekend it's a battle of me trying to encourage him to go out and my wife and I end up in an arguement. She has never pushed him to try harder, do better or be more asserative at anything, I have and I end up being the "jerk" because of it. Now my younger 11 year old son is forming the same social habbits. I don't want to divorce my wife but I can't stand by and do nothing!

[Kerrb007]

Does ur son have a cell phone? If not get him one with txting so he can stay in touch. My friend is exactly like him except he just turned 17 and dosent want to drive. Try to get more envolved I'm his life like playing video games with him or just talk to him and tell him how u feel and see how he responds. If u have any questions don't hesitate to ask.

[blueboy121]

do something with him like fishing or go to a football game. something to get him outside

[SammieWammieLovesYou]

Yes that is nomal not that im one to say but most of the kids i know stay at home on the weekend, but yes get him a cell phone that will help im sure of it. I hope this helped.

[Micheybell]

Normal is so hard to define, but you are telling my story.  My family used to call my son vampire boy because he never wanted to go anywhere or do anything, just stay in the house and play video games.  In my son's case, it was anxiety, mostly Social Anxiety.  Pushing hard for them to join things or get out of the house only pushes it into depression.  He may be normal, but let me tell you, I wish I had taken my son to a counselor when he was 12 - that's when school started to cause him great anxiety.  If I had, I could have probably staved off the free fall into high anxiety and depression that occurred when he was in High School.  If you look closely, you can tell if it is anxiety.  Don't argue with your wife.  Talk to your son. If you pressure him to get out of the house and do something social, join a sport, whatever - does he get agitated?  flushed?  Does he start shaking?  Then he has anxiety issues.  Does he get headaches, stomach aches?  Does he have trouble sleeping?  Ask him.  The signs were all there for my son and I kick myself for not catching it.   Talk to his guidance counselor.  They can help, if they are good, they can see the signs.  They can recommend a good counselor if he needs it.
But I applaud you for not brushing it off.  If it is nothing, then great.  But if it is social anxiety and you bury your head in the sand, you will kick yourself later for not doing something about it when your gut told you something was not right.

Good Luck!

[Princessdaniella]

It could be Your relationship with Your wife that is affecting Your Son. Children are smart and everything that happens around them from a Young age can affect them greatly when they're growing up.
He could be suffering depression but if that is the case pushing him is not going to help at all, you need to encourage Him.
No teenager wants to be pushed let alone a depressed teenager.
You should try organising more family outings (where there are NO arguments) and perhaps invite other families with children in the area.
I hope it does get better, have You considered taking him to see a health professional and discussing this with them especially if it helps him and saves Your marriage at the same time

[DeadontheInside]

Well, on behalf of the 14 year old teen who's anti-social, I'm here to sorta address the way I feel about it..

I also isolate myself from friends/activities but it's not because I don't enjoy them, it's because I dislike them personally, it's just that I'm not happy on the inside with doesn't allow me to enjoy it as much as I used to.

I have been so active, outgoing, social, happy but now all I feel is hopelessness, sadness, lack of being loved, agitated, frustrated and suicidal (on the inside).

Relating to the video game addiction, I use it as a way of escaping my issues and problems. It's the only thing that keeps me going mainly due to the fact that it's my only source of happiness, pride, joy, being loved (when someone adores the way in which you play) and friends although they may not be real life ones.
   This ofcourse isn't healthy, dealing with depression isn't a pleasant feeling at all. It's so stressful that you just want to not be born which suicide comes into play so I much rather escape from them.

I've always wanted to seek a psychologist because I for one know that it'll definitely be the solution to my problems, solving it before it gets to a point where I give up on life fully. It's just that my parents aren't strong believers of depression therefore won't take it seriously which really bothers me.

You really shouldn't push your son to participate in activities because I for one really hate when my parents do so. I wanna just shout at them because I know that even if I do take part in these activities that they want me to, I won't enjoy it and will end up putting fake smiles to my friends which makes me really uncomfortable.
  
Trust me, you would want to send your son to see a psychologist to see if he's diagnosed with depression. The earlier the better. I wish that I could have seen one right when it started but it just came out of no where and for no apparent reason as well.

Even if your wife or son strongly disagrees to see one, one visit to the doctor be a life changing experience (I'm still dying to visit that psychologist).


Have your son always been like this though? And when did it occur, I'm very interested in knowing the reason as well because I can't understand why I feel this way as well...

[housearrestiwin]

It's not necissarily normal, but at least he's doing good in school. I'm 15, I would know, and I don't know anyone who actually likes to stay home on the weekends. I'd say just get him a phone, or when he's older, a nice car. I'm sure he'll start talking to a few girls or even vice versa because he'll want to show it off. Just make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. If he isn't social in high school, he definately won't be social in a college environment, and he won't have all the fun that he should've experienced, or even get to just be a kid/teen.

[ToniT888]

You gave the best advice!!!