I get so depressed I will attempt suicide everyday I will also hurt my self e.g burn myself and cut myself I use knives to cut and lighters to burn. I constantly think of suicide it never leaves my mind I already see a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist bit either of them work it kinda makes me angry because I never remember what we talk about in the appointments It takes me 5-10 minutes to remember something sometimes I will remember things. This is my biggest confusion about my mind and need to know what this is Buckle Up! here it goes: I argue with my self in my head, I laugh alot for no reason, I see insects that are there but then they dissapear, I think aliens are talking to me and they wanna work with me, the aliens are helping me to commit suicide, God is working along with them and me, together we can save the world, I think i have super powers like i think i can lift a car i think i can make things magically happen, I have big thoughts of becomming the best serial killer little tiny voices expload in my ears when i try to sleep. What is going on with me?
Hey, have your drs put you on medication? Do you have any supervision? I would be scared out of my mind of being where you are. Have you thought about a mental facilities where they can monitor you? Im new to all this, but i want to help anyway i can. I dont think you really want to commit suicide, because if you are trying everyday, you'd have figured out how by now. You know. I know you're trying you're best. Maybe take notes when you go to the Dr. or tape record it if they'll let you. Im sure you've told both drs about everything you just told us, right? PLease keep trying, please keep seeking help. I"m sure someone else on here will have better advice than myself.
You must be so terribly scared and low with all these thoughts and feelings. You should definitely tell the doctors exactly what thoughts are going through your mind. It may be you would be helped by a little time in hospital, with the correct medication. If I were you, I would ask for that. It's always hard, I know, to tell people exactly what are your deepest thoughts and fears. But you do need to be honest with the people who are there to help you. That's what they are there for.
You already have a sense of balance, and good sense, or you wouldn't have posted on here asking for help and advice. If you were a totally crazy person, you wouldn't have that awareness.
Now use it. Your instincts are there to save you, and give you some good hope of help. If you ask, you will get help, and you will be OK. God bless, and I hope you find some good peace of mind very very soon.
Child...do not feel you are alone! You sound very tormented, and for that I am sorry - you MUST make certain that your doctors know the depths of your inner torment! And, you MUST take any medication that they feel will help you! I know that the cutting and burning make you feel that your are "in control" of something - BUT that kind of 'control' comes from the darkest of places, and you don't want to be there.
If you can't remember what was said during your sessions, tell your doctors that you need to tape your sessions as another "aid" in your recovery from the dark into the light! You know, God doesn't make 'disposable' people. We all have our "gifts", perhaps writing (that is one of mine, that I enjoy - I just wrote my first novel which I hope will be published), or perhaps you are an 'artist' of another sort; painting, music, singing, dancing, taking care of children...many things could be part of what you've been given - when you realize your "gifts", it's then that you can 'pay it forward' and maybe mentor someone, and their success then lends it to your success, and feeling "happy" that you helped some other person. There is truly "happiness" in giving of ourselves.
I don't know what your home life is like, I pray that you have people around you who can express their love and concern for you. I don't know how old you are, but since you're on the "Teen Depression" site, you must be a teen. That in itself is a tough time to go through, and it seems you have problems on top of that particular hard time in life. Know this...ALL of us have problems at that time, and you WILL come out the other side and be amazed at how much strength you really have.
Dig deep my dear...discover how "valuable" you are on this Earth, and how much you have to pass along to someone who could be in your same frame of mind. When you help somebody else, the blessing comes back to you ten fold - and it "feels" so good! You will experience "Sunshine" even on a dark day - believe it or not, for me it's easier to give than receive! It makes me happy to see others happy.
When you get the urge to cut or burn...stop!...take a moment to "think" light a scented candle, get in your "quiet place" - a place you've made, surrounding yourself with 'favorite things' - serene music, which may evoke that 'peace' you need in that moment. Pray or do whatever gets you in touch with your sweet spirit. Journal, write down your feelings, it will help you, and perhaps you can share some of it with your doctors.
If you have the option of being an "in-patient" in a facility that could help you in this 'fragile time'. There's NOTHING wrong with being in a hospital, it may be the "safe place" for you to be right now. Don't feel 'negative' about that prospect...it is a 'positive' consideration, because your place on this earth is needed, otherwise, how will you be able to "pay it forward" and share your gifts with somebody else. Don't despair, there ARE people who care about you - and there are people around you who want to "help"...LET THEM...believe that they want to help, and accept "the gift". Take good care of yourself - there is an answer. Tomorrow when you wake up breathing - it's a good day! God Bless and Keep you!
Don't know what your situation is now, since it's been 10 days since your post. Hopefully, you went to a hospital for help. That would be my recommendation. It doesn't sound like you've been properly diagnosed/medicated, though I don't know the whole situation. When I see my psychiatrist during deep depression or mood swings, when my concentration is low, he hands me a note pad and has me write down what he tells me. I also write down, between visits, stuff I want to ask or tell him at my next visit. I've been an inpatient in psych hospitals when I've needed to be "safe" while getting meds adjusted, etc. There's no shame in it; it sure beats hurting yourself, or worse.
Please let me know how you are. Take care. Hope you got help.
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